How to explain Ireland’s Brexit dilemma to your mates…

The Republic of Ireland is in quite a pickle when it comes to Brexit. Side with the UK its largest trade partner or snuggle up beside its new European buddies? thisshortenough over on Reddit had a rather colourful way of describing Ireland’s dilemma. Frankly, it’s as good an analysis as most of the commentary on the subject.

I’ve also described Brexit for Ireland as like when you’re out with all your mates on the sesh. Having a great time, Germany’s buying shots for everyone which is grand cause we only brought enough out for three drinks. Then England and Wales start getting in a huff cause Sweden and Germany invited Syria and Yemen along. England and Wales are going on that it’s not about who was brought along, they just thought it was gonna be the usual group who was out and they didn’t want to be getting into rounds with people who’ve only come along halfway through. Everyone knows though that England and Wales just don’t like Syria and Yemen for some reason and ignores England and Wales when they start bitching.

Then Wales and England says they want to go somewhere else and everyone else wants to stay in the bar they’re already in, they’ve got a table and they’re having great craic, plus Syria and Yemen can’t get in the other pub. So England and Wales announce they’re going home and cause Scotland and Northern Ireland are housemates with them they’ve got to go too. Now Ireland has to decide if they’re gonna go too. If they leave now they’ll get a cheaper taxi fare but Germany and the rest are going to think Ireland was taking England and Wales’ side. But if they stay at the pub they won’t be able to afford the taxi home.

And that’s what Brexit means to Ireland.

Edit: Because so many people are giving out about this, I’d like to point out that this was what the initial Brexit meant for Ireland. Ireland decided to stay on the night out and the next day Scotland and Northern Ireland had the biggest FOMO while looking at Ireland’s snapchat story. England and Wales left the group chat and are slamming the doors of their flat to make a point that they’re outraged even though all they’re doing is annoying themselves. Ireland had to hang out in the 24 hour McDonalds until the buses started running the next morning but they were able to afford a McMuffin and spent the next day happily watching the Come Dine With Me marathon.

  • Enda

    Yip, those Brits south of Hadrian’s Wall are no craic. The next time a night out is planned all of Ireland and Scotland should head out, and leave England and Wales at home watching x factor, with its fantastic line up of thoroughbred English and Welsh contestants.

  • Rachel Elizabeth

    Brilliant!

  • Salmondnet

    Kind of misses out some relevant facts – like England subsidises Scotland and Northern Ireland’s rent, as well as buying a lot of stuff from the Republic (which it also quite recently helped out with quite a large loan in a period of financial embarrassment) and that (teetotal) Syria and Yemen expect their friends to be encouraged to come and stay in the shared flat and the Republic’s home when the night out is over and the beer goggles are off.
    You might be forgiven for thinking that none of the other’s are really England’s “mates” at all, just using it as a source of free drinks, soft loans, and cheap lodgings.
    So here’s a suggestion. How about the Republic invites Northern Ireland to share its home and provided the funds to keep it in the style to which it has become accustomed (yes we know there have been angry words and blows after closing time in the past, but you can keep all that at home in future, so much more dignified).
    Scotland can of course find (and pay for) its own flat and you can all go on partying with the Germans Swedes Yemenis and Syrians until Germany starts to resent paying all the bills. I guess that might make it a rather a short party.

  • Reader

    Analysis: Germany’s buying shots for everyone which is grand cause we only brought enough out for three drinks.
    Germany, UK and France buying the shots. Meanwhile Ireland – always mouthing off about the fantastic GDP and growth figures – left the wallet at home, as usual.
    Also, someone is always going on about some Big Issue or other.
    Then Germany, which had also brought Somalia and Iran along, has got a bit tired of its new pals and is insisting that everyone has to mingle. Strangely enough, the rest of the crowd isn’t looking to join in, Poland and Hungary are getting a bit stroppy, and Ireland has gone invisible again, just like last time someone asked whose round it was.
    Time to leave, I think.

  • Roger

    Which republic? Could this be Ireland.

  • Nevin

    Martina Anderson – in her own words!

  • burnboilerburn

    Fantastic stuff. good woman Martina !

  • Nevin

    So much clearer than Gerry’s and Michelle’s waffle! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4FRblGqS0M

  • harmlessdrudge

    Reminder: it wasn’t the Republic that was embarrassed by the loan. The money was paid straight to RBS and Lloyds. More than enough embarrassment to go round on both of those. The UK didn’t provide the money either. It merely borrowed it on international markets as a favour as it could do so at a lower rate of interest at the time. It was a commercial transaction on commercial terms and has since been repaid. Irish banks are again in reasonable shape. RBS and co. not so much.

    As for N.I., the old rule applies: you broke it, you pay for it.

  • Reader

    burnboilerburn: Fantastic stuff. good woman Martina !
    I would like to join Martina’s many fans in urging that this should be circulated as widely as possible. At last the EU parliament has a stateswoman who can match Nigel Farage’s forthright charm and dignity.
    I recall her in a previous role when she mounted a charm offensive on unionism, with 50% success.

  • Not sure what point you’re trying to make with your pointless pedantry.

  • Roger

    It’s time to grow up and use the names the peoples of these jurisdictions have chosen.

    Summary of the point.

  • Nevin
  • burnboilerburn

    I have no idea what u are talking about ;-(

  • T.E.Lawrence

    Stay Classy Martina !

  • Reader
  • burnboilerburn

    Still nothing

  • john millar

    Screeching harridans whinging in an incoherent Derry accent to a few people are unlikely to impress.

    Loss of jobs under “brexit” might be a factor