Back between the twilight zone of Christmas 2019 and New Year I was at a friends’ home for an annual open house. It’s a fixture in my not too busy social calendar because it’s daytime (I don’t do evenings) and also I always meet people who are interesting and I can have real conversations with, not just “curtain talk”; pointless chat about soft furnishings or other subjects. Fashion trends are so fleeting I don’t see the point, it’s all a bit shallow for me.
As a conversation starter I was asked what I worked at. I had my usual reaction which is a combo of a momentary sinking of my heart and then congratulating myself on not crying. I haven’t worked for years due to a sudden illness which has resulted in long term disability. I struggled a bit, but managed to say that due to illness I couldn’t work. She reacted with a bright smile and asked me a gentle question about my hobbies. What were my hobbies? I was slightly stunned. It was unexpected as the usual line of questioning is about the illness and how I came to contract Lyme disease. As a person I disappear. I get asked all kinds of questions, it certainly stops being a conversation. It morphs into an interview or an unwilling presentation without the slideshow. Usually with the same responses of shock and horror from the listener as I give them a brief description of how horrendous it was.
In these current times I’m realising that a lot of lessons that I’ve learned from becoming disabled can be useful for anyone in lockdown who may be struggling, or just need some inspiration/distraction. After much searching online last year I finally found some individuals in the disability world that I could relate to i.e. not too moany but not too bloody sparkly/flaky either. One of these people (Natasha Lipman) suggested upgrading previously mundane daily activities to the heady heights of hobby level. Even looking out the window at the big sky. That’s a thing. You can have that one for free. Apparently these days in some cities the sky seems to a lot bluer. I live in the countryside, the sky always seems big and blue. Maybe you’ve noticed more bird song or wildlife around your home? Or even just finding time to distantly chat to your neighbours, maybe you’re a volunteer helping many in your community. To those who are still working in our essential jobs I salute you. We really can’t do without you.
Perhaps the day seems to yawn at you, take this opportunity to upgrade some of your daily stuff to hobby level. This may help fill any vortex of despair that feeling useless can create. Or is that just me. I’m always on the lookout for meaningful activity. Make it a hobby and it sounds like more fun. In fact you can mark them off as achievements as you reflect on your day before sleeping. This could help lead you to a feeling of genuine acceptance of our situation. Surely we have in common now than ever?
Back to my conversation, so what were my hobbies? I have to admit, it took me a moment as I was a bit embarrassed that they may not seem very interesting. How wrong I was. I told her that I was an expert in property development, current affairs and antiques. This expertise was down to the volume of daytime telly I watch. Also I mentioned my love of listening to and watching sport. Memories, eh? She found this to be really unusual and before I knew it I was waxing lyrical about sport and how being brought up with 3 older brothers in the seventies, where we had one tv with 3 channels, had a long lasting effect on me and had given me a love of sport. This acceptance of mine-of my life and how it is, was in turn accepted by her. She accepted my hobbies, this was a relief and it was even joyful. It certainly felt strange and new.
Celebrate reading a bit of a book, writing in your diary, doing some exercise if you can, taking up that hobby you’ve always wanted to. What gives you joy? It might surprise you to discover what activities are meaningful for you.
Photo by Free-Photos is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA
Lisa Wells is a disabled single parent living in a rural village in Co Down, the name of which hardly anyone can pronounce and only the residents know how to find. She has been writing a blog on life indoors for a few years.
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