Portillo to Balls – “Ed: prepare two speeches”

At the Guardian’s CommentisFree, Michael Portillo reflects on the prospect of another cabinet minister losing his seat

In the last two weeks my name has been in headlines for the first time in years. Will a cabinet minister suffer the humiliation of losing his seat in the full glare of national publicity, as I did in 1997? Will he (oh please, please yes!) endure “a Portillo moment“? My name is now synonymous with eating a bucketload of shit in public. I am on the brink of becoming a noun and so passing into history, alongside Captain Boycott and the Hooligan family.

When I am asked whether anyone at today’s election is likely to suffer the same ignominy, I say, “Balls to that”, and for good reason.

Read the whole thing.

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  • Dukeofa

    Typical Portillo self-propagating this term so he will have a place in history even if it is in infamy rather than glory.

    But could we have others here in Northern Ireland.

    “Doing a Gerry” – speaking a language other than English with the fluency of a trained chimp

    “Feeling like an Allister” – that creeping feeling of paranoia that no-one takes you seriously

    “Wearing a Naomi” – finding the colours that clash hieously with your hair and making sure you have atleast two items of clothing of those colours on your person at all times.

    I’m sure you can think of others

  • andnowwhat

    That’s some mighty fine bitching Dukeofa. I like it.

    How about an IPS (Ian Paisley Senior)=spending your entire life trying to get a position/job and then when you get it, giving it up after 10 years.

    or

    An IPJ= inheriting a ready made mandate from your father and messing it up with your gob.

  • Regempeying: the art of political wheezing, dodging, and pacting to no discernible gain.

    Ruaneing : the art of seeking a compromise without making concessions.

    Vanceing: the creative science of running to stand still or retreat into past, opposite of advancing.

  • O’Dowding: the art of rendering gibberish into the intelligible.

    Mark Durkaning: the art of lengthening sentences and shortening days.

    An Adams: a fidget with a widget. Continually self grooming male offering carbonated economic analyses and repeating same.

    A Peter Robinson: a peterpeppercorn; a notional payment for something substantial.

  • Docmartin

    Doing a Ritchie: “Verbally badgering and brow beating people because you lack the ability and charisma to charm them.”

  • There are a shed load of definitions due for Ruaneing before that one.

  • Greenflag

    Portillo’s in form -LOL

    ‘.My name is now synonymous with eating a bucketload of shit in public. ‘

    I am on the brink of becoming a noun and so passing into history, alongside Captain Boycott and the Hooligan family.’

    He should have a go at stand up comedy

    A noun ? Portillation

    A verb ? To Portillate

    a condition ? e.g Balls was portilloed ?

    And he cudda been PM – Politics can be a cruel business when the ‘bastards ‘ change their minds ;)?

  • Driftwood

    There is now a common term among accountants here. How can I ‘Robinson’ this deal..ie How can I make shedloads of money and avoid Capital Gains Tax.