Bored of elections? Let’s discuss werewolves

Sorry for the personal nature of the intro. The election is getting a bit boring. Essentially my interest is political analysis and it is very difficult to do much analysis until after the election. We are so in the dark with so little time to go that even spinning is difficult to sustain: Thus far none of the parties’ major representatives has made a major error. Maybe Margaret Ritchie was less than brilliant on the UTV debate but it was not a Diane Dodds European moment. Reg’s suit was suboptimal but that is hardly a matter of life and death. I thought Jim Allister won on points in the rather nasty exchanges with Paisley junior but then I am biased. We await tonights leaders’ debate with hardly baited breath.

Hence, I feel we need to discuss something more interesting: Werewolves. In view of the success of my zombies blog a few months ago I thought we could discuss these big hairy folk. I had forgotten how much I liked werewolves until I saw Dog Soldiers on the TV on Saturday night whilst at my mother’s. Elenwe read some book about gardening and I watched 8 foot tall bipedal wolfpersons (to be politically correct) eating people.

I tend to the view that as a fundamentalist, zombies and especially werewolves are morally upright monsters: with vampires there is all that sexual innuendo and if Elenwe comes in she denounces it. In addition Buffy did get a bit mired with occultish stuff towards the end. However, you know where you stand with a big hairy wolfperson which is not going to have its wicked way with you, has no interest in strange religious practices and it is only going to eat you.

Without wanting to spoil the film, the werewolves in Dog Soldiers appear to have been quite a nice family apart from when they were 8 foot tall wolfpersons eating other folk. It set me to thinking: I might quite like being a werewolf. I mean it would not interfere that much with the rest of my life: certainly less so than blogging. In addition living in West Fermanagh I could simply become an 8 foot tall bipedal wolf and wander around doing wolf stuff: howling and the like before coming home and going to work in the morning; there are few neighbours to disturb. In addition, although it may be slightly missing the point, I am a very non violent person: I wonder if I could be a peaceful werewolf and not eat people but just wander about and howl and stuff. I think peaceful werewolfism might be an interesting way forward as a hobby: it would involve more exercise than blogging and would not eat into family time. Indeed if my family also became werewolves it might be an interesting family activity. Any thoughts?

  • Slugger –
    You may be interested in joining the Committee for Undead Lycanthropes,Chimera, Hellhounds and Indgenous Elementals

    We can explain exactly what you need to do to become a Tall Hairy Person , or a tall hairy person mentor.

    Chairman of the NI branch of CULCHIE

  • Salem

    [to attacking werewolf]
    Spoon: I hope I give you the shits, you f**king wimp.

  • Greenflag

    turgon ,

    ‘I wonder if I could be a peaceful werewolf and not eat people but just wander about and howl and stuff. ‘

    Join a circus and make it pay i.e werewolfdom . Otherwise you’ll become known as a disturber of the peace and scaremonger in chief of Fermanagh’s sheep and some local farmer will put an end to your caterwauling .

    Your analysis on the upcoming TUV performance is awaited with bated breath by all who believed the TUV could walk on water until the voters took away the stones .

  • Re-engaged


    Where have you been – no response from anyone in TUV circles to the questioning of the TUV manifesto – or is it just that you have been so busy canvassing / immersed in werewolves?

    Join the rest of us and debate the issues rather than leaving us to think something terrible had happened you (which in the end it actually had!)

  • Dewi

    Highly recommend “Ginger Snaps”…..

  • Are we talking actual werewolves here, or have you been reading the New Moon series? Jacob is a shapeshifter, the shape he shifts into happens to be a werewolf. It is a genetic thing, the whole tribe are capable of this mutation.

    I have yet to hear of a vegetarian werewolf, mind you there was that very unattractive boy in Buffy.

    Baying at the moon would upset the neighbours, frighten the horses and do the TUV no good at all at the polls.

  • Re-engaged,
    The problem with the issues is that we need to wait until we know the results: currently in debate it all boils down to: well we will see what the public thinks in a few days.

    As to not blogging: my mother has no internet access so I had none until today.

    Anyhow this is getting away from werewolves and I insist that we disucss werewolves here: it is an important issue on the doorsteps.

    I agree werewolves have had a bad press but I wonder can a werewolf not control themselves. Maybe we could arrange for them to go to werewolf sancturies and kill and eat things. In addition I am worried that since the hunting ban in GB can werewolves kill things? are they exempt from the hunting ban or is killing say sheep acceptable but not rabbits as they unlike sheep are wild mamals? Do werewolves count as dogs for the purposes of the act? All these issues require careful consideration.

    Please can you explain to all of us the process of were-ification. I think it may be important that all readers hear it.

  • pippakin,
    Sorry posts crossed. No I have not been reading anything much recently: still on Anna Karenina but nearly finished.

    No I am not really into werewolf books: the films are more useful. I remember the Buffy werewolf but he was a bit useless. I think the Dog Soldiers family of werewolves is a nice idea. We as a family do a lot together and I wonder if Elenwe and the children could become werewolves as well and we could wolf about and stuff. I agree it might do the TUV little good but equally if I turned up in wolf self and asked people to vote TUV it might help: would that be coercion however?

  • Coercion? Well would that be a first? It would certainly be novel!

    Im afraid I cannot reocommend the New Moon series, not unless you are stuck in the airport with nothing else to do for endless hours. However I am given to understand that the 2nd film (cant remember the title) is visually very interesting.

    I have seen the first of the Dog Soldier films. I was not over impressed, but then I am a Terry Pratchett fan, and he definitely does the best werewolves.

  • Being a werewolf in FST could be handy. You could keep order at last minute rushes to election stations, or get a trolly at Enniskillen ASDA on the Saturday afternoon. Not sure the point of a peaceful werewolf. If wolf persons were peaceful, no-one would have ever bothered writing about them.

  • Would you be a werewolf like Wolf in Terry Pratchett’s “The Fifth Elephant”? He had a flag, insignia, and black uniforms.

  • bulmer

    Those with teenage daughters will have had enough of werewolves with Twilight. These werewolves would freeze to death in the Mournes as they appeared to spend the entire film without any tops on. On the other hand they’d probably be quickly covered by hordes of salivating females clutching arran sweaters if the cinema audience was a guide.

  • Are you by any chance suggesting Gerry Adams might be Chryopace the troll?

  • joeCanuck

    Where do the three (greedy) little pigs fit in this narrative? No, I’m not referring to the DUP main dynasties. Mind you, come to think of it….

  • It is a brilliant film. Absolutely loved ‘Dog Soldiers’. Sean Pertwee was brilliant.

  • They get eaten by the werewolf.

  • Dixie Elliott

    So they herd everyone out like dumb cows to the next field where they chew the cud, until they herd them out again 4 or so years down the line to do the same thing all over.