Mathematical modelling of Zombie attack

I know it is the silly season but this is so brilliantly silly it is vital that everyone reads it. The BBC are quoting a research paper on zombies and mathematical modelling of a zombie outbreak. Now I know a bit about zombies and have studied the Zombie Survival Guide and the World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War. However, the mathematical model makes for grim reading: to quote from the end of the paper “In summary, a zombie outbreak is likely to lead to the collapse of civilisation, unless it is dealt with quickly.” I would stress, however, that in the event of a zombie apocalypse any unionist / nationalist cooperation can only be temporary.

,

  • We’ll certainly regret decomissioning when that day comes around.

  • Itwas SammyMcNally whatdoneit

    “They think that they have provided against everything; but the fools, the fools, the fools! they have left us our Fenian dead, and while Ireland holds these graves, Ireland unfree shall never be at peace.”

    Paddy P.

  • michael

    I hope they didn’t fund that research paper, rabble rabble etc

    Only because computer nerds modelled the whole thing for them years ago for free
    http://www.theregister.co.uk/2005/09/21/wow_virtual_plague/

    http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay?docid=-7050182960948355019&ei=zgSLSopUyZv4BtGz4IIO&q=wow+plague

  • Fred the Undead

    Unionist-Nationalist co-operation? Not really thinking outside the box are you Turgon, cut a deal with the Zombies and we can rid ourselves of the republican problem once and for all!

  • The Undead Raven

    Oh joy! A thread on zombies! Actually, mock while ye may, but WWZ is pretty good reading; substitute the zombies for pretty much any communicable plague, and it makes for pretty scary reading.

    I doubt, though, that ebola would have made for as entertaining reading, nor would you have learned how to cave a Zed’s head in.

    Apparently, Brooks says any big screen version will not work unless it is “a filmic version of Lord of the Rings” in terms of scale.

    Our politicians are safe though – the undead only like warm, live flesh…

  • RepublicanStones

    Lets just hope the likes of Grigori Perelman don’t get bitten, otherwise the undead will have someone to figure out the probability of a human response to their outbreak.

    Best Zombie movie?

  • michael

    Evil Dead 2
    or maybe 28 days
    or shaun of the dead
    or dawn of the dead remake

    But a good half ounce and resident evil 2 on the playstation with ‘the fear’ and your heart beating like a fat clock is better than the movies.

    Lets split up and look for survivors

  • The Undead Raven

    I’d go with the Dawn of the Dead remake. “Danny, put another round in that woman over there! Look! She’s a twitcher!”

  • LongDanSweeney

    A Zombie thread on Slugger! there is a god.

    Best movie – dawn of the dead remake, just for the opening 10 minutes.

    I could try and tie this subject to politics, but can’t be bothered. Think I’ll go and watch dawn of the Dead instead!

  • The Undead Raven

    “A Zombie thread on Slugger! there is a god.”

    Of course there is! Because didn’t you know, “when there’s no more room in hell…..the dead will walk the earth….”

    WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

  • Wilde Rover

    The original Dawn of the Dead dealt with consumerism and how people have been reduced to being mere consumers and have lost the essence of their humanity. The zombies are unaware of the wider significance of events in the world around them and are a threat to those who are still sentient beings.

    This theme was amusingly expanded in Shawn of the Dead, where the lead character is unaware of any difference in people once they have become zombies.

    I suppose the zombies represent Garden Centre Prods/ (INSERT APPROPRIATE TITLE HERE) or whatever labels you would like to put on any of the groups that have abdicated their right to self determination as individuals.

    Part of the appeal of movies exploring these themes is the possibility of escaping the stupefied masses and setting up smaller, more viable human communities.

  • michael

    “Part of the appeal of movies exploring these themes is the possibility of escaping the stupefied masses and setting up smaller, more viable human communities. ”

    I thought it was all because killing zombies is like homicide only it’s fun and legal.

  • Trev

    Only eleven posts in before a sectarian reference. Congratulations Wild Rover you win the prize.

  • GGN

    The Zombie Survival Guide is a great book.

    ‘Swine flu’, ‘pirate attacks’, yeah right, we know whats really going on Turgon!

  • RepublicanStones

    Anyone else remember The Return of the Living Dead? If i remember correctly there was a scene in which the zombies were being elctrocuted and a zombie wearing Jacko’s thriller outfit entered the picture and stood getting frazzled as well. It was quite funny when I was a kid. (Might be ROTLD 2)

  • loki

    Saw this one on internet and when I’d finished laughing I decided it really was describing the majority of lawyers, estate agents, bankers and politicians. they’re all the living dead anyway- have you seen Iris lately?

    Submit word-“among”. Someone has a sense of humour!

  • Seimi

    Best Zombie movies ever:

    Night of the living dead
    Dawn of the Dead (the original)
    Return of the Living Dead
    Shaun of the Dead
    Flight of the Living Dead (No, really!!)
    the Evil Dead
    The Sound of Music
    Tokyo Zombie

    Oh wait. One of those doesnt have zombies in it – the Evil Dead 🙂

  • Seimi

    Turgon (or others) – have you read Drop Dead Gorgeous, by Wayne Simmons? Zombie story set in Belfast and Lisburn. If so, what did you think?

    Submit word – written. Whoulda thunk it? 🙂

  • GGN

    Big fan of Twenty Eight Days / Weeks later and I am a legend.

  • Enda

    *sigh*

    GGN (comment 19) and Michael (comment 7).

    There were no Zombies in 28 Days later. They were the infected.

    Dear god I have no life…

  • Seimi

    ‘There were no Zombies in 28 Days later. They were the infected.’

    Same goes for I am Legend. Jaysus Enda, maybe we should meet up… 😉

  • GGN

    Enda,

    This is the thing, the ‘zombie’ thing is a myth to throw you of the scent of the infection.

  • Wilde Rover

    Trev,

    “Only eleven posts in before a sectarian reference. Congratulations Wild Rover you win the prize.”

    What part of:

    “or whatever labels you would like to put on any of the groups that have abdicated their right to self determination as individuals.

    Didn’t you get?

    “Any of the groups.”

    Your mis-reading of this comment is more a reflection on yourself than anything else.

  • RepublicanStones

    ‘and I am a legend.’

    Your modesty is humbling GGN 😉

  • Brian MacAodh

    I wonder how Zombies would react to a low intensity guerilla/terrorist campaign

  • The Undead Raven

    PS. I *highly* recommend the Walking Dead series, available from all good bookshops and K-Tel records.

    More here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Walking_Dead

    Go for the hardbacks if you can.

  • New Blue

    I don’t believe we hav got to post 27 and no-one has mentioned ‘Battle of the Bone’

    Belfast’s George Clarke has written, produced and directed a first-time film about a zombie attack on July 12!

    Battle of the Bone is, says George, a quirky tale of a Belfast roit that forces both sides to join in when the zombs attack. And it’s the North’s first-ever martial arts-horror flick.

    Worth watching and great fun

  • Turgon

    New Blue,
    That is exactly the sort of thinking which I suffered from until Fred the Undead helped me with his post. You see a zombie attack might be used by nationalists to make us think uniting in that circumstances be a good idea: then turn your back and we would be in a united Ireland.

    The other danger is that zombies might be used by Alliance to try to bring us all together. They would argue that during a zombie apocalypse uniting to save humanity would be more important than defending the union: what nonsense.

    Instead I am now pouring all my energies into preparing a deal with the undead to unionism’s benefit. I intend to present my paper on the subject to Jim Allister next week: I am sure he will be impressed; then I will present it to all the other unionist leaders.

  • New Blue

    Zombies being used by the Alliance party…..

    …. is that new?

    (only joking, no offence meant in any way, shape or form)

  • Dread Cthulhu

    GGN: “Big fan of Twenty Eight Days / Weeks later and I am a legend. ”

    Infected in both cases — rage driven cannibals in the former and bio-vampires in the latter.

    Probably the most accurate of the three movies of “I am Legend” was the Vincent Price’s in “The Last Man on Earth,” although I have to give “The Omega Man” points for managing to get Charleton Heston to dress like a London sixties “Mod” — crushed green velvet jacket and frilly cravat.

    The Will Smith iteration… feh. Just a licensed title and a bit of back-story survived.

  • eranu

    ‘Battle of the Bone’ ??? sounds more like a local porno! has anyone checked wee jeffreys hotel movie bill? 🙂