Nationalise Santa

Saturday’s a day for catching the mood, so how are you bearing up? Apart from the petrol queues at Tescos, thanks to their ”price war,” not too badly in my case, assuming the pension funds holds up. A backlash against all the solemn stuff nobody can do anything about is inevitable. Naturally somebody has to blame the media and it’s Cranmer’s turn. The financial crisis in the new bird flu.

“Christmas itself may be cancelled because Santa banked in Iceland. And he had shares in Hamleys. And Hamleys banked with Northern Rock, but has just moved its billions to Ireland, or Germany – anywhere which guarantees every deposited euro without limit – for these countries now have the safest banks in the world. So Santa is moving to Dublin, or Berlin, and exchanging reindeer for leprechauns, or Volkswagens, for the only hope he has of meeting all of his service and supply commitments over the next eight weeks is with state aid. Santa has been nationalised.”
While we’re on Iceland, the Daily Mash explained how those councils got it wrong.

COUNCILS INVESTED £1BN IN TINY VOLCANO SURROUNDED BY FISH
Julian Cook, director of finance at the Local Government Association, said: “I meant Luxembourg – shit!

“I suppose the haddock-shaped piece of lava with every new account was probably a clue.”

AN Wilson in the Mail goes retro with memories of austerity forties he hopes will return.
“My reason for being hopeful as we look ahead towards the lean years is that austerity binds us all together – as communities and as families.”

Even more alarming is a surprisingly sensible Sun leader – have they lost their bottle altogether?

“The lesson of history is that good times DO return.

But the wait is going to be long and painful.”

The left are in a bit of bind at the moment. They’re itching to condemn capitalism of course but they’re not sure of their audience and David Cameron had already nabbed the “punish the master of the universe” line. Michael Meacher of the traditional left of the Labour party comes right out and says it.

“The tax havens hiding billions offshore should be opened up by law and the vast wealth illegally accumulated there over decades should be repatriated to replenish Treasury coffers. And in an unprecedented crisis like this, a significant tax surcharge needs to be levied on the broadest shoulders – the hedge funds and private equity operators, the higher rate taxpayers (particularly the 1% richest) and the biggest businesses. It will hurt, but not doing so will hurt much more.”

Quote of the week goes to Ian Paisley, in the Commons on Monday.

“I am sure that the whole House will realise the very terrible times that we are in. I remember being a lad in Ulster and the soup kitchens, the poverty and the terrible happenings that took place. We must all, in our own way, do what we can to help one another to get some way through this very dark hour for our nation. I know that there are many beliefs in this House; my belief in God is well known and my religious convictions are known. I trust that our whole nation will turn in repentance and cry to God for an intervention so that the calamity will not come on our children and on the babes in their cots.”

  • dewi

    The sub-prime cod crisis….and ain’t Paisley useful. I’m with Meacher – a few show trials would cheer me up. My elderly ailing Dad lost 25% of his value in a defensive portfolio in the last month – let’s shoot some bankers?

  • Iceland has the Yule Cat not Santa!

  • Rory

    Iceland could quite easily alleviate some of their difficulties at least by selling Bjork to Bono. I will leave it to others to speculate on how much she would fetch though I suppose her value might be enhanced if she were to be pickled by Damien Hirst.

    Haven’t we all secretly been waiting for years for headlines that read: ICELAND’S ASSETS FROZEN!

    I can’t wait for the first jumper. I know it’s cruel but I am sure at least that Matt or one of his fellow cartoonists will help us get a chuckle out of it. No reason to be depressed just because we’re in a depression.

    And now for a cheerful forecast:

    England 0 ; Kazakhstan 1

  • Greenflag

    rory ,

    ‘Haven’t we all secretly been waiting for years for headlines that read: ICELAND’S ASSETS FROZEN!’

    Bring back the COD WAR ? or should that be COLD WAR? At least then banks were banks and insurance companies were insurance companies and not mercurial institutions that could be gobbeled up by a hedge fund or two 🙁

    I still think the SUN ? or was it Mirror’s headline one cold February has to be the best on record

    ‘NASTY NIP IN THE AIR’

    The fact that the headline appeared on the same day that Emperor Hirohito of Japan landed at Heathrow as part of a State visit to the UK was apparently accidental ? IIRC the Japanese Embassy lodged a suitably frozen complaint to Whitehall .

  • Greenflag

    Dewi ,

    ‘My elderly ailing Dad lost 25% of his value in a defensive portfolio in the last month’

    My condolences Dewi . Tens of millions of Americans have lost almost half their retirement savings and the Republicans want to ‘privatise ‘ Social security ? ‘Thunderbird’ Darling has refrained at least from this type of approach.
    Was’nt it Maggie who brought in the Individual Pension Accounts only for millions to have their investments ‘hollowed out ‘ by excessive fees and commissions on said accounts which the great ‘free marketer’ neglected to ‘regulate ‘?

    Nothing for your Dad to do except hang in . It may be a while getting back

    ‘ let’s shoot some bankers? ‘.

    You are too kind – but why just some ;)? Lamposts and ropes or Tyburn HILL seem somehow a fairer alternative to just shooting 😉

  • dewi

    Bought the Wall Street Journal today to try and get some understanding…..they agree with me – editorial advises selective shooting of bankers…..investment advice? You must be kidding…
    My Mam was right – all rich people are crooks who want to rip you off.

  • dewi

    Wsj also report on the massive fall in GM stock. I await with interest the US government rescue of Detroit workers.

  • dewi

    And just to complete my review of the Wall St Journal – they reckon Dubai is going bust. I think I’ll stick to the Western Mail.

  • Greenflag

    ‘Dubai is going bust’
    ‘I think I’ll stick to the Western Mail.

    LOL – when all else fails Dewi there is the well known and world famous ‘Unionist ‘ solution i.e

    Find beach with sand – grow ostrich like plumage – dig hole in sand – bury head in said hole – problems go away 😉

    Not forgetting to maintain th’oul stiff upper lip and tight arsehole, while backing into the gael force wind blowing in from the sea 😉