If you live in West Belfast don’t be expecting the Alliance candidate to be knocking on your door…

I was thinking of getting one of those video doorbell yokes. The main benefit was to screen out one of the minor miseries of the modern world – 21st-century door-to-door salespeople. You are sitting down to your dinner when the doorbell goes, and you are greeted by someone trying to guilt trip you into setting up a direct debit to support some worthy cause. They conveniently leave out the part where they work for commercial companies that take a massive cut from the charities for each signup. A second benefit would be to screen out canvassers. I have a policy of just saying yes to whoever asks for my vote just to get rid of them. Sinn Féin, why our day will come. TUV, why yes I do agree Ulster was better in the 1950s. Green Party, why, indeed, some of my best friends are trans vegans. People Before Profit, yes I do agree that the machinery of capitalism is oiled by the blood of the workers. You get the picture. The video doorbell would helpfully warn of the approach of these people, and I can do the sane thing and hide behind the sofa like the anti-social coward that I am.

For the good people of West Belfast, there are no concerns about getting a knock on the door from their Alliance candidate. Alliance Leader Noami Long has confirmed that their West Belfast candidate, Eóin Millar, will be in Washington DC for the campaign’s duration.

Now, obviously, this is not a great look for the Alliance Party, but if we were in Eóin’s shoes and you had the choice of either traipsing around the dreary streets of Belfast or living it up in the land of the free, it would not exactly be a hard choice. Especially when Alliance only managed to get 4% of the West Belfast vote in the last election. Enjoy your trip, Eóin. The clusterf*ck, that is our local politics, will still be there when you get back.

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