Victims and Guilt: a Kafkaesque proposition

In Northern Ireland we are all victims. Unfortunately many people do not feel that they are victims not having suffered during the Troubles. As such it is necessary for peace processors to help us all understand our victimhood. This can be difficult because there are many stubborn cases of people who feel they are not victims. These unfortunate souls must not be neglected by peace processors. Indeed as we are all getting older it is vital that no one is allowed to die without first having been made a victim. This means that much money needs to be spent on the vital job peace processors need to perform helping us all to release our inner victim. Also of course some peace processors may have negative equity: they need helped out of that victimhood more than anything.

As well as us all being victims we are all guilty: Fortunately some are less guilty. The less guilty fit into two camps: the peace processors who have identified their guilt and as such are the very righteous guilty (VRG). Then there are the terrorists: they committed crimes but since they have realised that they are actually victims they are righteous guilty (RG): not as righteous as the very righteous guilty but righteous nonetheless. Unfortunately the guilty are all out there. What needs to happen is that money needs to be spent telling the guilty who do not think they are guilty that indeed they are the most guilty (MG). Those best placed to tell the not most guilty (MG) about their guilt are the righteous guilty (RG). Terrorists (RG for short) are well placed to tell the non guilty (MG) about their guilt. However, the bad non guilty (MG) might reject the explanations of the guilty; compounding their guilt even further (most, most guilty). Hence, the very righteous guilty peace processors (VRG) need to help the righteous guillty (RG) also known as terrorists to tell the MMG that indeed they are so guilty. Fortunately the very righteous guilty are also the peace processors who of course have also discovered their victimhood along the way: thankfully then as long as we give the peace processors even more money they can help us all understand.

Northern Ireland: Franz Kafka could only have dreamed of it.

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  • joeCanuck


    I can’t remember (getting old) but is this your first sardonic post?

  • Turgon

    Sort of. I am very insecure about doing such things. Privately I am very into this sort of thing but am too much the coward to try it in public. That in a way is fishing for compliments but is also entirely honest. Hope you liked the post.

    Regards as ever

  • joeCanuck

    Yes, Turgon. I did like it.

  • Nunoftheabove


    ……have you been for spectacularly dreary walk today ?

    JoeCanuck, best all round if we try hard to avoid mentioning old age and sardonicism in the same sentence.

  • wee buns

    ‘‘The truth is we don’t know eachother’

    ‘For some the truth is we don’t want to know eachother.’

    (Stewart: The Narrow Ground)

  • aquifer

    And don;t forget the Serbian style supervictims.

    Everybody is against us so lets kill them first.

    Less of them on the loose now thankfully.

  • andnowwhat

    Oh Turgon and Joe Canuck, get a room.

  • And never, never forget that it is now a thriving industry. If people were no longer victims what would all those counsellors, advisers etc do for a living, become SPADs? they would have to get behind the really, ‘deserving’.

  • joeCanuck

    What’s your problem, andnowwhat? Is it that you think that people with opposing politics can’t be civil to each other?

  • Methinks more Jonathan Swift. Well played Sir.

  • joeCanuck


    Indeed. People who haven’t read “A Modest Proposal” should check it out.

  • joeCanuck

    For convenience (my public service for today):

  • Well played too Sir.

  • Pigeon Toes

    And indeed what thought of the victims of the peace process itself?

  • tacapall

    “thankfully then as long as we give the peace processors even more money they can help us all understand”.


  • wild turkey


    one of your best posts to date. this one has board game potential (how the tricky get of jail card is handled i leave to you).

    your analysis ties into something a little pub quiz i would play in the mid-80s after living in norn ironland for a number of years.

    Question: who is the most important person in NI?

    answers would have the usual range of politicos from Adams to Paisley, Hume, Thatcher etc. etc.

    But the correct answer to the question was, and apparently in some quarters still is, “the other guy”.
    because whatever act of lunacy, outrage or tragedy occured it was always the other guys fault. and ultimate responsibility

    who ever may have nominally committed an act really didn’t have to take responsibility because, after all, the other guys previous actions, attitudes, injustices, forced the nominal perpetrator to do, uh, whatever.

    it is as old as the scriptures that the perpetrator will often cloak themselves in the clothe of a victim.

  • andnowwhat

    @Joe Canuck

    I was only joking. Whilst I am at complete variance with Turgon’s views I (mostly) appreciate his perspective

  • Turgon, spare a thought for the poor and underprivileged but undoubtedly guilty yachtees. The EU has recognised their plight and has handed over a load of dosh for a yacht club OOPS marina facility. I must say I feel a little guilty for not recognising that a bar was really a counter top 🙁

    Spare a thought also for delivery drivers in Moyle who may find themselves out of a job when council minutes are distributed by email and for councillors who may be forced to buy their own computers to read said email:

    Independent councillor Randal McDonnell said the Council should not supply computers to councillors.

    “Why don’t they go and buy one in a shop like normal people,” he said.

    I’ve always felt a bit guilty for portraying councillors as normal people.

  • Greenflag

    Northern Ireland: Franz Kafka could only have dreamed of it.

    Perhaps -but it took Unionism to actually create it .

  • Greenflag

    @ JC

    ‘People who haven’t read “A Modest Proposal” should check it out.’

    You might want to e-mail a copy to the Chairman of the Republican Party in the USA who are looking for quick fixes to reduce America’s ever growing deficit .With almost 50 million Americans being kept from starvation by government food stamps- Swift’s modest proposal could even be updated to add the most obese Americans to the menu listing.

    Swift’s modest proposal came to pass a century later when a million people were eh consumed on the table of the eh ‘free market ‘ or laissez faire as Trevelyan would have called it !

  • Reader

    Nevin: The EU has recognised their plight and has handed over a load of dosh for a yacht club OOPS marina facility.
    It looks like a marina office to me. Actual yacht clubs have large fractions of their floor space given over to showers and a bar, and this plan is full of reception and office space. But if it’s on the North Pier, I suppose it’s suspicious.

  • Reader, it seems Roads Service is feeling sorry for Alan Fraser, a scion of the late Fred Fraser and a developer in his own right.

    According to Alan’s representatives, Poval Worthington, the RS has agreed in principle to hand over a stretch of public road between Ballycastle and Fair Head. Will the local council and the DRD minister, Danny Kennedy, feel equally sorry for the plight in which the developer finds himself?

  • lamhdearg

    are you public sector nevin

  • No, lamhdearg, public interest.