Shocking revelations this lunchtime. Following exhaustive investigations by the ever vigilant, noble and loyal Sons of Dundela Avenue, the British Broadcasting Corporation has admitted to being run by a covert unit of Irish republican agents acting in unison with dissident unionists and more mainstream unionists with conservative tendencies.
Said the Humble Leader, I knew it, I just knew it. These republican- and unionist- liars have spent months plotting my downfall. Now that weve unmasked the republican- and unionist and conservative- agents directing the BBCs smear campaign, I have instructed my dogged team of investigators to search for the missing piece of evidence to confirm the rumour that the BBC enticed that Midnight Cowboy into romancing my beloved, before planting the notion of borrowing money from some of my hundreds of business friends in her head. I also believe this particular outfit has fellow sleepers at work in the print media- you know who you are and Im gunnin for ya!
I must commend some of my colleagues- like fellow Honourable Member, Sammy- who long ago raised suspicions about the BBC after news presenters with phonetically funny and foreign names began to appear on our British television screens.
Others became suspicious when Irish language programmes started appearing with alarming infrequency on the BBC. I mean, what does the Irish language have to do with a part of Ireland?
Then, the disturbingly irregular appearance of the sport of bogball on our television screens further confirmed our fears, which were finally taken up by one of my allies and fellow Honourable Members, David, who brought our concerns into the open last October when he made the charge of republican bias against the BBC, rightly pointing out that entering BBC HQ was a more hazardous course of action for a unionist than being greeted at a Sinn Fein press conference.
These dense, silly and smearing liars must be dealt with firmly by the PSNI and by the government. In fact, a special place in Gitmo Bay should be reserved for these miscreants and the waterboarding commenced with great haste to flush out the remaining moles in Auntie.
They thought they could con me. The fools! The fools! Who do they think they are? These immoral scoundrels have nothing on me. Arlene lets go- forget the tea; Edwin- remember to keep a close eye on that republican ASU in Knock. Look at me Iris- still top o the world!
Living History 1968-74
A unique, once-in-a-lifetime 10-week course at Stranmillis University College Belfast featuring live, in-depth interviews with leading figures from this tumultuous era in Northern Ireland’s cultural and political history.
Live interviews with: Bernadette McAliskey, Austin Currie, Brid Rogers, Baroness Blood, Dennis Bradley, Baroness Paisley, Lord Kilclooney, Tim McGarry, Danny Morrison, Sir Kenneth Bloomfield and others…