Theory of Everything

Apparently some physicists at times search for a grand unifying Theory of everything. All encompassing theories or solutions are of course also the realm of the conspiracy theorist.

Despite the imminent demise of the Great Leader there remain a number of problems facing the Chuckle Coalition up on the hill; even after all the dust has settled over commemorating Ms. Farrell etc. longer term problems remain. One of these centres around the devolution of policing and justice.
SF has been demanding for some time that this occur. However, Paisley and various other DUPers have said already that this is not possible at the moment. Indeed some relatively recently (though before Dr. Paisley’s demise) linked it to the disbanding of the Army Council. As Pete has noted below; Robinson has just linked them again.

SF were apparently to arrange a number of “town hall meetings” in April and although I have heard little about this recently, it has been suggested that these might be preparing the way for an end to the Army Council as a sop to the DUP prior to having policing and justice devolved. Of course the end of the Army council would be useful to the DUP; it would to a significant extent shoot Jim Allister’s fox on the subject. It might also have advantages for SF: when (rather than if) various members of the IRA next murder someone, SF could claim complete innocence and indeed a complete lack of knowledge. However, to disband the Army council and to use the DUP’s words might be too bitter a pill for the republican movement to swallow.

Hence, I would suggest a compromise might be something along the line of Mr. P O’Neill (is it Mr? I guess it could be Miss, Ms or Mrs, or maybe Dr or Professor; though Lord or Sir might be a little unlikely unless the benefits of being a tout are getting ever greater) announcing that the Army Council was “Indefinitely suspending its operations” or other words which would be going away yet “They haven’t gone away you know”.

Turning back to the theory of everything; however, if it was decided to link policing and justice and Professor O’Neill’s going away these events could be combined with dealing with some other flies in the ointment. The two worst performing and least popular ministers from DUP and SF are surely Poots and Ruane. Both have managed to become hate figures for the other community without sparking much devotion within their own communities. As such one could propose a simultaneous removal of both of them along with the devolution of policing and justice. This could then be presented as a reshuffle and extension of devolution; hopefully distracting everyone a bit from Allister’s inevitable complaints about devolution of P+J. The DUP could point out that the bogey person of Ruane had been dispensed with and the Army Council had gone away (at least a bit) and P+J devolved with only the likely unlamented loss of Poots. SF on the other hand could claim that they had not given in on the Army Council, had got P+J and disposed of Poots for only the loss of the likely unlamented Ruane.

I am not proposing that this set of events happen immediately and indeed they might well happen at different times. Also of course Robinson’s practically inevitable assumption of the First Minister’s post and the ensuing reshuffle might itself be an opportunity to get rid of Poots. However, a packaging together of several things might get the DUP and SF out of some of their current problems, draw a line under the Paisley era, devolve P+J without too many complaints of a sell out and rid us all of Poots and Ruane. It might mark the rebirth of not the “Love in” but a “Like in” or a “Tolerate in”.

Then again maybe I do believe that the world is ruled by twelve foot tall blood drinking shape shifting lizard aliens.

This author has not written a biography and will not be writing one.

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