Caption competition…

ORDE: Does this count as collusion?

ADAMS: Only if I call for a public inquiry.

Your turn. Be funny.

  • Frank Sinistra

    EXCLUSIVE: Ten pound tout slipped wages by top cop.

  • Diluted Orange

    Gerry: Hi, my name’s Gerry Adams.

    Hugh: Hi, my name’s Hugh Orde. I’m sure your name rings a bell …

    Gerry: Yes, Hugh I recognise your name too. Maybe we have mutual friends …

    Hugh: Yes, that might be it. Come to think of it, do you know a guy by the name of Freddie Scappaticci?

  • tee hee

    Very good Frank.

    Orde: Any lip outta you the nite and I’ll stick an ASBO on ye!

    Adams: Don’t worry Boss I’ll be good.

  • Diluted Orange

    Frank Sinistra

    [i]EXCLUSIVE: Ten pound* tout slipped wages by top cop. [/i]


    *The cash featured in this advert was provided by Northern Bank.

  • Diluted Orange

    Live in Concert Tonight at Ballymurphy: ‘Gerry and the Piss-takers’

  • tee hee

    Orde: Whats in the cup Gerry?

    Adams: A Jack Daniels, but don’t tell Ian FFS.

  • withheld

    Gerry: I like the pips on your shoulder

    Hugh: I like the chips on yours

  • Pounder

    Gerry: Bout Ye Hugh, find the place ok?

    Orde: Had a little trouble, but saw an ambulance with the siren on and it lead me right here.

  • huge airy

    lets do an impersonation of the statue on derrys craigavon bridge

  • Cruimh

    Orde : nice tie

    Gerry : present from Ian

  • DC

    Orde: This is the closest the PSNI’s been to 50/50 policing.

    Adams: Unionist outreach begins.

  • Diluted Orange

    Ballymurphy, Brownie bake sale:

    Buy a cake get a Republican principle for free.

  • tee hee

    Orde: Any chance of a brew.

    Adams: Yer two wimmin over there got for me, they’re on the touch.

    Orde: The blonde is hard luckin, but the other one is looking my way.

    Adams: Let go shuey till I have a luk.

  • Diluted Orange

    Orde: Great to meet you Gerry. Let’s get drunk.

    Gerry: I agree Hugh. Or as we say in Belfast, let’s get wired.

    Orde: Ha, ha. You know what I already am!

  • It was Sammy Mc Nally what done it

    Orde: Will my car be all right out there on the road?

    Grizzly: Probably – but I’d check underneath just in case.

  • Gerry : “You must be the new security man? The hours are 8pm to 9am, and its £3.80 an hour”

    Hugh : “Make it £4.20 and I’ll start right now”

    Gerry : ” Done ! “

  • ciaran

    Orde,”You dancin?”
    Gerry “You askin?”

  • snakebrain

    “It burns, it burns!”

    Nobody’s going to top Frank on this one; especially not me after a bottle of red…


    Carlsberg don’t do political U-turns, but if they did…

  • collusion is not an illusion

    Adams: I’ll pretend you haven’t ordered your cops to do nothing about the burnings in Ballymurphy

    Orde: And I’ll pretend you didn’t order the burnings

  • tee hee

    Orde: Any chance me and me luver could move into kate houstons house?

    Adams: Nah thats gone but there will be three more vacancies coming up.

  • Sean

    Adams: Eh hughie no problem finding the place I see, how about you tell the flat foots how to get here in under 45 minutes

  • yoda

    Darth Vader: Luke, you do not yet realize your importance. You have only begun to discover your power. Join me, and I will complete your training. With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy.

    Luke: I’ll never join you. But my minions will. Have I introduced you to Gerry Kelly and Bobby Storey?

  • GavBelfast

    Old Chinese Proverb say;

    Be careful what you do with Erections. These men weren’t careful with their last ones.

  • Jimmy Sands

    Both: I could murder a Paddy.

  • Patrique

    “Wait ’til Garnerville Gaels get a hold of the “Johnnies”.

  • Nevin

    “Do you think this will be enough to protect Ian’s back on the Twelfth?”

  • Harry Briscoe

    Grizzly: Shake hands with the devil.
    Orde: God knows where this ass wipe’s hand has been.

  • francesco

    gerry: vado bene per la madonna?

    orde: per dio me pari coppi!

  • Briso

    Consumate politician meets Ballymurphy’s top cop.

  • The Devil

    PSNI Chief congratulates Gerry Adams on his role on smashing the IRA and making the catholic community proud to be British again.

    ….Naw that won’t do it’s supposed to be funny not factual.

  • The Devil

    I was expecting an extremely hostile reception.

    Jesus you’re not related to the McCartneys are you?

  • Slartibuckfast

    “Hi, Hugh Orde.”

    “No, it’s Gerry.”

  • The Devil

    How hot will this get tonight Gerry?

    Relax Hugh the closest Notarantonio home is two streets away.

  • The Devil

    Joe Austin… long time no see, the last time I saw you we were fucking you out of S/F for … err well you know.
    Snazzey wee uniform man! have you joined the St Johns ambulance?

    You really should’ve gone to spec-savers

  • Slartibuckfast

    “I demand you arrest The Devil under the Crap Captions Act 2002, Hugh.”

    “Could you not just have him shot instead, Gerry?”

  • The Devil

    Ta se…………um……….agus …….. um …… ah ……… Connas ta, tu …… um ….. agus ….. ah ….. ar mhaith leat ….. ah ….. bainne …… um …….. ah …… agus…. …um

    Oh for fucks sake this is going to take all night.

  • darth rumsfeld

    “You’re my wife now Dave”

  • Hugh: What did you do in the War, Gerry?

    Gerry: I started it.

  • The Devil

    Police chief meets chief tout in a room full of Commanches

  • Diluted Orange

    Back at the PSNI training college …

    “Hugh meet your new ‘intern’, Gerry,”

  • Tochais Síoraí

    Have you come a long way to be here tonight, Hugh?

    Not as far as you, Gerry.

  • Mayoman

    Hugh: “I’d never heard of the ‘Siege of Ennis’ Gerry, so much fun……wheeeee!”

  • Diluted Orange

    Hugh: “What’s that connected to your hand – A Terror-wrist?”

  • BOM

    Hugh: “Nice to meet you Gerry. I know we met briefly a few months ago but I am looking forward to getting to know you a bit better and having a good chat tonight.”

    Gerry: “Nice to meet you again too Hugh. I welcome the fact that we can now liase together on a more regular basis and keep eachother well informed.”

    Hugh: “Yes Gerry keeping ourselves informed is very necessary although I must say your colleague Martin has kept us informed for years!”

    Gerry: “Aye I know Hugh but keep that quiet! It was all part of the plan!”

  • Belfast Gonzo

    ‘Very good Hugh, now can I have my watch back?’

  • Carlo

    Hugh: Gotcha!
    Gerry: Ha ha!

  • Juan

    Police overtime hours for 2008 agreed

  • Diluted Orange

    Gerry: “So Hugh, how’s work?”

    Hugh: “Well it’s been better. With all the hype leading up to the parades this year we’re all really busy. To be honest I’m burnt out.”

    Gerry: “I’m in exactly the same position as you. That’s why I called you up to Ballymurphy – to see which one of these f**kers torched my house!”

  • snakebrain

    Adams: “Jesus Christ, he’s got a grip like a vice. He’s got me and he’s not letting go..”

  • Diluted Orange

    Ballymurphy cup thief caught red-handed by Brit police chief.


    Brit spy caught red-handed by Ballymurphy police chief.

  • Diluted Orange

    Evidence that the Patten Report’s suggested ‘friendly internment’ policy is being implemented succesfully.

  • BogExile

    ORDE: ‘You’re under arrest for Mass murder.’

    ADAMS ‘ I never nutted anyone at Mass.’

  • BogExile

    ORDE: ‘you’re pleased to see me?’

    ADAMs: ‘No that really is a gun im my pocket.’

  • Diluted Orange

    [i]ORDE: ‘you’re pleased to see me?’

    ADAMs: ‘No that really is a gun im my pocket.’ [/i]

    ORDE: ‘Try your best Gerry – I’ve got a Stake-knife in mine’

  • Diluted Orange

    Hugh Orde puts his recent bout of warts to good use.

  • Diluted Orange

    An ill-advised period of decommissioning leads to IRA members in Ballymurphy having to resort to hand-to-hand combat with the police.

  • Glen Taisie

    Orde:Now that the troubles are over I think I might apply to work for MI5

    Adams:Well the moneys better

  • jimbo

    PSNI liberates NI man from hour-long conversation with crazy American fat chick at the Farset

    Said the man, G. Adams, “Aye, the horror … the horror.”

  • Cruimh

    Orde – knock knock

    Gerry – who’s there?

    Orde – Irish Stew

    Gerry – Irish Stew who?

    Orde – Irish Stew you in the name of the law

  • Rory (South Derry)

    Hugh Orde:- Whats the Slab Gonna say Gerry?

    Bearded Twat:- Ah fuck him he can’t have me
    kidnapped, put in boiler suit with
    a £20.00 Note on me gob anymore!

    I took all his guns and you took
    all his money!

  • Aquifer

    Gerry: You going on the run?

    Hugh: Not after what happened last time

  • Harry Briscoe

    Orde: Ach, if it isn’t the Bloody Friday bomber?

    Grizzly: Who says crime doesn’t pay? Put it there old boy.

    (Grizzzly is really Robert Nairac under the ugly heahter)

  • Harry Briscoe

    This is a good article on the significance of this collusion. When is the last time someone in Ballymurphy was shot for working with the cops? Adams is really a gas man. His words are so fake and so insincere he deserves some kind of medal.

  • jpeters

    ach Harry it said be funny!

  • Harry’s about as funny as Michael McGimspey at the office party… (or anytime for that matter…)

  • snakebrain

    macswiney, he does sem a bit of a joyless soul…

    Adams: “Aaaah, you would have to have one of those electric-shock hand-shake things, wouldn’t you?”

    Orde: “Now Jerry, keep smiling for the camera!”

  • Harry Briscoe

    Adams is a laugh a minute. A jolly sort. The 40 years of terrorism he served up was a hoot too.

    Adams: I’ve me sleeves rolled up to do a bit of honest work.

    Honest Orde: Pull the other one Gerry.

  • Diluted Orange

    Gerry Adams receives a golden handshake upon his stepping down from the role of chief of police in Ballymurphy.

  • Diluted Orange

    With face no.1 Gerry Adams greets the PSNI Chief Constable. Meanwhile face no. 2 (to the rear of this picture) greets a small crowd of Republicans to reassure them that ‘they haven’t gone way you know.”

  • paddynla

    Hugh: Are you getting laid tonight, Gerry?

    Gerry: No, Hugh. I already got screwed.