It’s politics Jim, but not as we know it…


ASSEMBLY quote of the day (not sure whether to laugh or cry yet) so far is David McNarry (UUP) poking fun at the DUP, which he said had promised not to go into government without securing an economic dividend. He said: “By 2006 the great negotiators, the strong men and the party people could trust with their money had moved from warp three and were hurtling along a rollercoaster at warp six. We are star trekking across the province was the DUP cry and there`s Klingons in the East Wing now Ian, yes they are Klingons Ian but not as we know it. These Klingons are republican Klingons. You have got Commander Warf McGuinness on the bridge with his hands on the controls. The fella we need to build new roads, he`s a right trekker, he`s not sure if he`s here or there and the rest of us are not sure either Ian.” The other laugh was on Stormont Live, when the wee girl tore round the studio spilling Jim Fitzpatrick’s notes everywhere.

  • I’m glad that the debate between the rival facets of unionism is being conducted at such an intellectually high level…

  • Belfast Gonzo

    It’s so high it’s in outer space.

    *groan*

  • juan

    Wilson may have set a trend….
    are we sure this man does not have CJD ?

  • frog

    Good to see the ganja drought is clearly over at last…

  • oh dear

    Ah, and that’s not all! Today’s incisive Klingon Speech comes hot on the heels of his letter on the Irish Language last week. Now some would call this a ‘deranged rant’ but make your own minds up:

    “Heed my words now fellow unionists – repair the weakness of not having a pan-unionist working relationship to match and confront the emergence of a new pan-nationalism.

    Unite as unionists, or risk waking up to find the Irish language taking over your lives in both permanent and prominent manifestations of visible displays unfolding before your eyes.

    Co-existence in a shared future under an Irish Language Act awaits you.”

  • oh dear

    My favourite is the part about Irish “taking over your lives in both permanent and prominent manifestations of visible displays unfolding before your eyes”…

    Sounds a wee bit like an as gailge version of Aurora Borealis…

  • Does anyone know if Iris made a speech with Star Trek analogies recently?

  • the Emerald Pimpernel

    If northern Ireland is star trek does that make the unionists the Borg

    “you will be asymilated”

  • Rob

    Union as uniteists!

  • Gabriel

    Republican Klingons? Plagiarism! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p892dUiTMss

  • UUP

    Chief Whip may be losing his marbles.

    But Party Leader has long lost the balls to fire him.

  • crow

    I like this and i hope it sets a new trend in how things are talked about in the future.They could have different sci fi topics each week.Like star wars-Paisley is emperor palpatine,Adams is chewbacca.Much more interesting i think.

  • penguin

    My favourite is the part about Irish “taking over your lives in both permanent and prominent manifestations of visible displays unfolding before your eyes”…

    More like Day of the Triffids!

  • mchinadog

    The Watchman

    I would say that Iris is safe enough this time and no, I would not have thought he nicked this speech ??????? from her. If he had of plagiarized another speech from her it would at least have been sensible and factually correct unlike this SCI-FI waffle but then that is what we have come to expect of McNarry, he is devoid of a sensible argument and resorts to this type of claptrap. Even the electorate was not sure whether he was fit to be an MLA, he was elected on the eighth count; perhaps they had heard his drivel before and did not like what they heard.

    Keep it up McNarry and the DUP will get five in next time

  • observer

    It was amusing to listen to McNarry hit warp speed (sorry – tried to resist, but couldn’t). Put it alongside the pan-nationalist front language (and he does actually believe that) and you begin to get the feel that the DUP might just be the rational, sensible unionist party.

    Admittedly Jnr publicly saying that gays ‘repulse’ him and Snr one week describing himself as a king and the next describing the Assembly as pope just might undermine this judgement.

    Lunacy, bigotry, homophobia and … well, yet more lunancy. It’s great to see unionism being well-served by our leaders.

  • Beverley Crusher

    A colleague texted me about this earlier. At first, honestly thought he meant McNarry had made some Kingon references. It’s a budget speech so referring to the economist Stephen Kingon seems logical. But no, the economist in question was Warf the Klingon. And not Stephen Kingon. Jesus Christ.

    I particularly enjoyed the section in the narrative where the negotiators and strong people got onto the rollercoaster and increased speed from warp three to warp six. Some sort of parable, surely?

    Or not. I genuinely think he needs treatment. But news reports are taking this guy seriously though. PA thinks this speech is a big deal; as do the Beeb; as do UTV. This bollocks is everywhere. Seriously, ask yourselves this: is it not taking over our lives in both permanent and prominent manifestations of visible displays unfolding before your eyes? Well?

    David McNarry… genius

  • observer

    Beverley Crusher, you are misunderstanding David. After all, to follow through his metaphor, he is Captain Kirk (chief whip comes close … although obviously leader would be closer). And Captain Kirk is holding the line against the hordes of the pan-Klingon front. Only he sees the horror of “coexistence in a shared future” – only he realises that there can be no peace with the Klingons. He alone is the hope for the alternative to “coexistence in a shared future” – a future without Klingons, in which Kirk truimphs, his Reich lasting for a thousand years. Oooops. Does that give away too much of McNarry’s masterplan?

  • Beverley Crusher

    My top five McNarry moments in descending order –

    5. Walk out from the DCAL Committee.
    Barry McElduff opens up his heart to An Phoblacht http://www.anphoblacht.com/news/detail/19373 and bravely employs sarcasm to mask the terror he must surely feel at the prospect of once again meeting the Lion of Strangford. ‘I’m quaking in my shoes,’ said a rattled McElduff.

    4. ‘What kind of creep are you?’
    The Lion of Strangford gets tucked into Presbyterian Minister Brian Kennaway on Sunday Sequence. And in an entirely unexpected move, McNarry walks out.

    3. The inverse walk out.
    The Lion of Strangford is invited to give talk on Unionist Unity in Upper Bann. 30 members of Constituency association walk out. http://www.independent.ie/national-news/trimbles-leadership-rocked-by-walkout-189846.html.

    2. Early trials of walkout detection equipment return mixed results.
    PFG Committee Chairman (Mr Wells): Next to speak is Mrs Dodds, definitely followed by Mr McNarry. Mr McNarry has asked several times to speak, and I am conscious that having had one walkout I do not want a second…

    The Chairman (Mr Wells): The difficulty is, David, that as soon as you walk out, we shall have to stop. Only seven members are present today.
    Mr McNarry: I have to take the call.

    1. Worst speech made since hominids first gathered around fire.
    ‘We are star trekking across the province was the DUP cry and there`s Klingons in the East Wing now Ian, yes they are Klingons Ian but not as we know it.’ Walking out on your speech is highly irregular. But in this instance it might have been his only justified walkout.

  • penguin

    Brilliant!

    Tho’ today’s gem “Get your lawyers ready for this one Peter, you are on Hansard” surely qualifies for Most Laughable Legal Threat Ever…

    And what sheer genius, nay vision, of Dear Leader Empty to elevate this man to the point where he is the most prominent public face of his party, where not a day now goes by without more pearls of wisdom issuing forth from his silver tongue in permanent and prominent manifestations of visual displays unfolding before our eyes?

  • Beverley Crusher:

    My best McNarry story

    In 1999 Ken Newell’s Fitzroy church held an evening’s discussion on Orangeism. It invited along McNarry, the local priest and a liberal evangelical. Both latter 2 were hostile to Orangeism, so it was 2 against 1. A hostile questioner told McNarry about a Catholic pensioner who had been uncomfortable with something during a parade in Comber. McNarry replied by asking the questioner for the name and address of the resident so he could personally reassure her. He didn’t seem to grasp why half the audience laughed at this reply.

  • joeCanuck

    I’ve just read the full report in the B.T. ( http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/northern_ireland/6743859.stm ).
    If this stuff were televised (is it?), it would be in the running for the top “Unreality TV show”.

  • Pounder

    As a Star Wars fan the UUP’s use of Star Trekisms offends me. I demand that Martina Anderson is dressed in a gold bikini and chained to Ian Paisley.

  • Comrade Stalin

    Amusingly, a few years ago McNarry asked for an Alliance Party representative to sit on the Loyalist Commission. That was funny. But this Star Trek speech was a complete joke, and not a funny one. He obviously spent a lot of time preparing it, but it just ended up sounding twee and pathetic.

    I’m wondering during that budget debate where the hell the Speaker was. Going by Hansard it appears to have degenerated into an unruly farce, the sitting should have been adjourned.

  • Beverley Crusher

    A golden rule of stand up comedy from Bob Monkhouse (for it was he) – if the audience is laughing at unexpected moments, always check your flies.

    Sounds like another ‘check flies’ moment for David in Fitzroy Church. Ken Newell must have also been forced to check his flies after suggesting McNarry was capable of discussing Orangeism.

    Yup. It all went a bit Pete Tong for McNarry this week. But as noted above, the Lion of Strangford is a serious player. He’ll be back next week taking over your lives in both permanent and prominent manifestations of visible displays unfolding before your eyes. Bank on it.

    I’m still trying to come to terms with Monday’s speech. It’s a terrible stain on the reputation of Western democracy. So let me get this straight – Commander Warf McGuinness (eh?) put his hand on the control panel of the bridge, which is fully staffed by republican Klingons, and located in the East Wing of Parliament Buildings. Can a SF special adviser confirm this please? Any pics?

    I mean, when he got that bit in his story, there must have been a faint voice in the back of head saying: ‘Dave, check your flies mate’.

  • snakebrain

    I’d still rather be a Klingon than a DUP Dalek any day of the week.

    Many thanks to Beverley et al for brightening up my evening no end.

    “Somewhere in space, this may all be happening right now”

  • observer

    Comrade Stalin makes a good point – McN actually spent time thinking about that speech. More worringly, I am not aware that he is a Star Trek fan. Which potentially means that behind McN is a speech-writing Trekkie.

    Admittedly he did have all weekend to prepare the masterpiece. But with no prior knowledge of Star Trek, someone, somewhere is guilty of shaping the entire speech around Star Trek references.

    Of course, McN is glowing with triumph. This was his finest hour (to date). When other UUP members were making boring references to, well, the budget, he hit the DUPs hard, rallied the troops, and demonstrated why those 50 poor souls who voted for him during the leadership election were an inspired, visionary minority.

    I kid you not – this guy really, genuinely thinks he is the real thing. And the Klingon Empire was merely a stepping stone for his grand project.

    Do I sound bitter? Nah, don’t mean to be. It’s all just so bloody pathetic …

    I had a vague memory from childhood – took me a while to track it down via google. In Star Trek II, Spock saves the Enterprise, sacrificing himself in the reactor. A dying Spock says to Kirk: “Do not grieve, Admiral – it is logical: the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few…Or the one”.

    Now there is a lesson from Star Trek that should be applied to McN.

  • Belfast Gonzo

    Maybe someone googled the speech. Like they did with Iris’s.

    Allegedly.

  • SpellingBee

    I prefer Robinson’s riposte:

    “The Member for Strangford Mr David McNarry demonstrated in this afternoon’s contribution why it would be better if we did not allow him to speak on financial matters. He demonstrated at great length a painfully shallow appreciation of the budgetary issues we face and revealed his own ignorance for all to see.

    Before he spoke, many of us suspected how little of the subject he understood; after he sat down, we knew how little he did. Perhaps it is not surprising given his own background and experience in business, and with a track record like his, I doubt that anyone would wish to entrust him with a credit card, let alone the public finances.”

  • beverley crusher

    Crushing put down. Expertly delivered. And what I particularly enjoy is that it’s understated – Robinson didn’t need hyperbole, he didn’t need to waste words. McNarry wasn’t worth it. So Robinson shredded him in a couple of sentences and returned to the job at hand. Masterful.

    Having said that, let’s not misunderstand the psychology of the Lion of Strangford. Far from being crushed, he’ll be encouraged – because the magnitude of Robinson’s insult clearly reveals how much McNarry got to him. (The Lion won’t consider that Robbo is just very clever and enjoys scything down buffoons for a living.)

    Robbo’s devastating insult is in direct proportion to the devastating nature of my speech, the Lion will think. And because this is true it means the Klingon/Star Trek theme is a winning formula, the Lion will think.

    I’m fairly convinced Ensign Storey, Warf McGuinness and republican Klingons will return once more, perhaps to take over our lives in both permanent and prominent manifestations of visible displays etc etc

    Of the many crimes committed in ‘writing’ and in delivering the Star Trek speech, the chief crime will be that he simply won’t learn from this experience. Still, some good might come of it. An English teacher somewhere might print his speech off Hansard, hand it out to a classroom full of 10 years olds and say: ‘Today’s lesson is on mixed metaphors. Hands up who thinks you can go Warp Six on a rollercoaster?’

  • Now, if you were all truly geeky, you would know that McNarry was merely copying Oregon Democratic Congressman David Wu, who made a speech on Capitol Hill attacking ‘the faux Klingons’ (neocons) in the White House.

    But should Slugger really be blogging this at all – you know, “David McNarry makes a dick of himself in public” is not exactly news.

  • darth rumsfeld

    I still don’t understand why this thread is illustrated with a picture of Catriona Ruane…

    I’ll get me sash

  • Pounder

    DR I’m sure Michael Dorn will be incredibly insulted.