When Guido met the Orange…

I’m hoping to meet up with the notorious Guido Fawkes next week. He sent me this short account of a previous experience in our short email correspondence. It seems he has had a talent for wind-ups, long before his blogging days. If you were there, let us know!!From Guido Fawkes

One of the reasons my Laois born wife fell in love with me is from the time when the Orangemen were marching down Whitehall. Something for which they had great difficulty getting permission.

I was completely smashed returning from a rugby match – saw them outraged (I had a place in the Parliament View building). Got home taped a tri-colour coloured Irish leprechaun hat (you know the type) to the top of a crash helmet and jumped on my scooter.

Rode back across Westminster bridge in the opposite direction to thousands of marching flute-playing Orangemen. Slowly. A couple of yards on the other side of the centre of the road. A couple of thousand stunned Orangemen could not believe what they were seeing, Met coppers fell about laughing, a jeer went up – I was doing a full 5mph at this point. Suddenly two motorbike coppers zoomed either side of me. I had my own escort. The Orangemen were jeering, I was giving them the Royal wave.

When we got to the top of Whitehall I made to turn the scooter around for a second victory lap and one of the motorbike cops said firmly “you’ve had your fun son, on your way”. Given I was half-cut I took his advice. I’m told the BBC live feed of the event has a commentator laughing on it.

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  • TAFKABO

    Ooh, painfuly self congratulatory anecdote.

    A bit too much of the see me?, I’m really mental I am for my tastes.

  • I wasn’t going to comment, so I’m glad TAFKABO said it for me! Dude’s such a rebel.

  • JR

    Very funny. I wished i could have seen it. The English laugh at the idea of an Orange march anyway, and that just topped it off!!

  • Carson’s Cat

    It does sound like one of those anacdotes which the teller starts off very enthusiastically and by the end, finshes with, “well you had to be there”.

    “thousands of marching flute-playing Orangemen”

    Also, its the bands which play the flutes, the Orangemen just walk behind.

    He actually runs a great site, but possibly starting to believe his own propaganda a little about how great he is – also his figures as to how many people read it are ‘massaged’ to say the least. Always have to be very careful of disappearing up your own a*se when you’re promoting yourself.

  • Dec

    Ooh, painfuly self congratulatory anecdote.

    A bit too much of the see me?, I’m really mental I am for my tastes.

    Oooh, listen to her…

  • TAFKABO

    Rule number one in Showbusiness.

    Don’t believe your own hype.

    Having said that, he does a have a pretty great blog.

  • zzzzZZZZZZZ

    God, this guy is *easily* amused. That is just so boring.

  • circles

    Not much of an anecdote, but the catty reation of you lot is priceless (I wonder if its because the piss was being taken out of the hallowed OO).
    Anyway – Keep those claws out girls!! MeeeeOOOoooww!!

  • jaun

    i wonder how funny the this clearly non triumphalist , non secterian display would be if i went out on one of the many republican marches in london and waved about an orange flag ?

    a very strange way to treat people.

  • Hurler on the Ditch

    Jaun,

    It probably wouldn’t e funny but if you were riding a moped half cut and wearing a bowler hat and sash I think it would be!

    I thought it was pretty funny. Especially the escort.

  • DaithiO

    As Guido illustrated and the all too predictable response by some commenters here proves, certain people need to lighten up, even learn to laugh at themselves.

    Surely some members of Orange lodges can see that bowler hats, umbrellas (on a sunny day) and sashes make quite a sill looking costume !

  • TAFKABO

    Circles.

    It wouldn’t be the first time I screamed fuck the Queen at an Orange march, then ran like the blazes as they chased me.
    But I haven’t done it since I passed the age of fourteen.
    It’s on the same level as knocking peoples front doors and running away, not the kind of thing one ought to feel particularly proud of as an adult.

    Besides, I like the idea that Guido will read this thread and squirm with embarrassment when he realises how he comes across like a twat.
    Just like Guido, I like to stick the boot into easy targets.

  • Dec

    Circles

    I wonder if its because the piss was being taken out of the hallowed OO

    Perish the thought…

    Though, here’s hoping that TAF reveals more Rules of Showbusiness to us all before long.

  • Carson’s Cat

    “It probably wouldn’t e funny but if you were riding a moped half cut and wearing a bowler hat and sash I think it would be!”

    Actually at the time I’ll be he was p*ssing himself. The problem is that the humour somewhat disappates with not having been there.

    I couldnt care less if he was waving tricolour at orangemen or a union flag at gaa supporters. Apart from “I was pissed up on a moped and tried to annoy some people” where is the humour?

    “Surely some members of Orange lodges can see that bowler hats, umbrellas (on a sunny day) and sashes make quite a sill looking costume !”

    Yep – I admit there is an amusing aspect to it but I wouldnt go basing any sitcom on the premise of “man carrying umbrella on otherwise dry afternoon”.

    Of course, the golden rule in any of this is that its always much much much better to have someone else tell an anecdote about you. To do it yourself does smack of the “oh I’m mad I am” a little too much.

    I wonder does he wear ‘comedy’ ties?

  • gg

    “I was completely smashed […] and jumped on my scooter.”

    Where was the breathaliser that day?

  • TAFKABO

    Circles.
    Since you asked, here’s another golden rule of comedy.
    Homer Simpson on your TV is funny, Homer Simpson on your tie, isn’t.

    It’s the way I retell em…..

  • pacman

    “Besides, I like the idea that Guido will read this thread and squirm with embarrassment when he realises how he comes across like a twat”

    Sorry Taf but I get the impression that if he does read the reaction of the pro-OO supporters in here, he’ll have even more to laugh at (and probably report back on).

    Get a life people.

  • overhere

    Lighten up guys I thought it was funny but then I like Laurel and Hardy as well

  • lib2016

    …and they still don’t see the joke! I wouldn’t have believed this thread if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes.

  • nmc

    Yeah, it seems a bit funny. Some of the Orangemen there probably had a chuckle.

  • Prince Eoghan

    Dear dear this guy is a wee bit of a card by the sounds. Judging by the amount of apologists for the OO straining to explain various reasons just why he aint funny, only serves to concrete the humour.

    Go Guido.

    BTW. Carson’s cat;

    “I couldnt care less if he was waving tricolour at orangemen or a union flag at gaa supporters. Apart from “I was pissed up on a moped and tried to annoy some people” where is the humour?”

    Why would the GAA be marching through London, be expected to get annoyed at a union flag? The quest to force equivalence between the OO and GAA by the forces of darkness, is in itself hilarious.

  • JR

    The joke is lib2016 and the rest who don’t have a sense of humour, it’s a classic slapstick comedy. People have made careers and millions on such exploits. You have a bunch of men in Suits, shirts, ties and bowler hats, with drawn swords to nose marching all dignified through Whitehall in front of a flute band made up of rejects from the PG Tips ads. For fooksake its classic Monty Python!!

  • DK

    Orangemen are too easy a target. Let’s see him don full SS regalia at a Jewish protest and drive his moped through them. Or KKK outfit through the Notting Hill carnival. The choices are endless.

  • Dread Cthulhu

    Carson’s Cat: “Yep – I admit there is an amusing aspect to it but I wouldnt go basing any sitcom on the premise of “man carrying umbrella on otherwise dry afternoon”. ”

    Perhaps, but lose the sash and you’ve got a couple Python routines open, starting with “The Ministry of Silly Walks.”

  • TAFKABO

    Rule of showbusiness number three.

    If you have to explain the joke, it isn’t a joke.

    If Guidos anecdote has left you with sore ribs from laughing, good for you, though I’d say your easily amused.
    I’m led to understand that Give My Head Peace is one of the most successful BBCNI shows ever.

    I guess there’s probably tens of thousands who’d tell me I was wrong for saying that’s a pile of shite in televisual form.

  • Dread Cthulhu

    DK: “Orangemen are too easy a target. Let’s see him don full SS regalia at a Jewish protest and drive his moped through them. Or KKK outfit through the Notting Hill carnival. The choices are endless. ”

    Got it 180 degrees off, DK. Its see him ride by with a Moghen Davit and a yamaka past a neo-Nazi parade…

    Not much you can do with the other — KKK or black-face, too many people get cranky.

  • Mick – you could have subbed it a bit.

    Egotistical after-dinner story? Yep. One of my favourites.

    Taking the piss out of Orangemen? Of course.

    X X X

  • JR

    I’ll give a scenario. I was at a wedding recently and ‘May McFettridge” was doing a stint after the speeches. There was a man who felt insulted by a remark of May’s. Although May ignored him after the initial comment he kept shaking his head in dissaproval of the jokes. Every joke there he was shaking his head and everyone else was looking at his reaction and laughing louder at the jokes because of it. What I’m basically saying is people’s reactions sometimes back up the subject of the joke. My granny use to say, “If you can’t laugh at yourself, don’t laugh at others.”

  • harpo

    I remember seeing a hunger-strike rally in Belfast in 1981 (before any of the skinny fcukers had killed themselves) and there was a counter-demo by DUP folks (with let them die messages etc).

    Anyway a guy came tearing down the street past the rally on a bicycle, holding a NI flag. Of course all the DUP types cheered him, but the folks at the rally didn’t look impressed, especially as he did a couple of runs past them unimpeded by the police.

    I guess the folks at the rally didn’t see the funny side of such activity either.

  • Carson’s Cat

    TAFAKBO
    I have to thank you for clearing it up in my head why this isnt funny.

    Although I suppose we should give Guido a pardon – he’d never have seen Give My Head Peace.

    Python was a brilliant show made up of other than just rubbish where we taunt some prods with a Tricolour or taunt some Fenians with a Union Flag – I doubt that GMHP will go down in comedy legend alongside Python.

    I thought Guido done political intrigue and tittle-tattle – and he does that well. He should stick with it – his career in stand up will be limited.

  • circles

    Hardly the same harpo but keep banging away kittens and you just might come up with some kind of comparison. Although in my opinion its hardly worth the effort as the original was shti anyway.

    Golden rule of comedy (as a listener) – repeating the punchline does not make the joke funnier, do not do it.

  • JR

    No matter what, it’s still funny.

  • harpo

    ‘Hardly the same harpo but keep banging away kittens’

    Circles:

    How is it not the same?

    Some folks are out doing something and some wag comes along and does something that he assumes will annoy them.

    That’s exactly the same.

    Carson’s Cat had it right. It’s just people trying to annoy other people. The humour is in whether or not you think it’s funny.

  • If Paul Staines still lives in the land of fantasy (this is a kind way of saying, he’d lie as soon as look at you) he did when he was at university, well, I’d take his moped story with a pinch of salt.

  • circles

    Harpo my internet connection is too slow to drag this point but briefly, 1 was the work of an eejit who was just up for a bit of craic, no doubt buoyed up by cider and ignorance, whilst the other is a direct provocation.
    Anyway, ferget it – neither were funny.

  • What, no British League of Bullshit? That, at any rate, is what a quick google makes me wonder. ‘Global Growth’, ‘Alternate Solutions Institute’ [Pakistan’s foremost free market think tank …..], ‘the Atlas Economic Research Foundation’, etcetera.

  • TAFKABO

    Number four in an ongoing series of vital comedy rules….

    You can’t outparody or ridicule that which is inherrantly self parodying (is that a word?).

    I recall Kurt Vonnegut explaining in an interview that he had to give up writing satire after he found out that Socks, the Presidential cat, had a book in the bestsellers list.
    His reasoning was that nothing he could write would beat that.

  • circles

    Although Vonnegut still writes a column in the Indy media ‘In these times’ – and cracking stuff too.

    And thats a fair point and good rule TAF

  • harpo

    ‘Harpo my internet connection is too slow to drag this point but briefly, 1 was the work of an eejit who was just up for a bit of craic, no doubt buoyed up by cider and ignorance, whilst the other is a direct provocation.’

    Circles:

    How do you know that this is the case?

    Why do you assume that the guy in Belfast was up to no good, but the guy in London was just having fun?

    Isn’t it possible that the guy in Belfast did exactly the same thing as the guy in London? He saw a bunch of wallies out doing something and decided to take the piss out of them on the spur of the moment as the guy in London says he was doing?

    As for ‘direct provocation’ what do you mean by that? Wasn’t the guy in London trying to provoke a response from the Orangemen? And wasn’t he being direct in doing so?

  • Miss Fitz

    Well, he has a Laois born wife, so that says something for his good taste….. 🙂

  • Dread Cthulhu

    TAFKABO: “You can’t outparody or ridicule that which is inherrantly self parodying (is that a word?). ”

    Yes, it is, but its spelled “inherently,” unles you meant “self-parodying,” which is a legitimate, if inappropriate, compound word.

    I think what you wanted to say was the ridiculous can’t be lampooned.

  • TAFKABO

    Thanks for the spellcheck Dread. You would piss yerself if you knew how long I’ve been misspelling that word.
    As for your other point, why don’t you think self-parodying is appropriate terminology here?

  • Dread Cthulhu

    TAFKABO: “Thanks for the spellcheck Dread. You would piss yerself if you knew how long I’ve been misspelling that word. ”

    Prolly not — too many planks on my own keyboard to get too nasty about it.

    As for self-parody, its someone one does to themself — the Socks book is only self-parody if Clinton wrote it (and I don’t think he did…)

    Now, Bush “looking for WMD” in the White House, per the White House Press Corps. dinner film — *THAT* is self-parody.

    So, relying one your example, I don’t think its correct usage.

  • English

    I found what he did highly amusing, it’s just the English sense of humour that some of you don’t get. Northern Ireland is full of famous comedians after all!

  • Red Paul

    I think it’s funny and stupid but that’s life.

  • circles

    Harpo its like this:
    Belfast, 1981, 2 demos face off – pro and con Hungry Strikers, the city has been rocked and wrecked by riots and murders and EVERYBODY knows how knife edge these situations are.
    London, God knows when, the orange order, a queer littls unionist marching organisation walk through the streets of their capital, nobody is bothered apart from some swally-head on a moped.

    To me this doesn’t seem like the same situation. Maybe you do, but thats your thing.
    At the end of the day – neither provocation nor an english man waving a tricolour and the OO is funny.