Alliance Party: thin end of the wedge

The Alliance party, be they incorrigibly wet Protestant Liberals or the unacceptable face of British occupation, have really pushed the boat (sorry, ‘Royal North of Ireland’ yacht) out now:Our mole :

The Alliance Party’s youth wing has announced that it is to form its own secret society, the ‘Liberal Yellow Lodge’, to commemorate the party’s 36th anniversary in April. The Society deems this day to be the date of the founding of the only true, legitimate government of Northern Ireland, and seeks to campaign to end 36 years or anti-Liberal oppression.

Chair Ian James Parsley (Holywood LYL No 001) explains: “Since Unionists have the Orange Order and Nationalists have the AOH, we have decided the only way to close the electoral gap is to form our own secret society. To commemorate the ‘Shortly after Easter Rising’ when the party was founded in late April, we are going to start by painting kerbstones along Alliance Avenue and putting up yellow bunting.”

Mr Parsley confirmed that proceedings at each meeting of the society would begin with a reading of the party’s Founding Document of April 1970, and conclude with a toast to Pan-European Liberalism. “We will also organize a series of parades across Northern Ireland, going along the middle of the road. When we get to the field, we will ensure there are plenty of fences for the Yellow Men to sit on.”

East Antrim District member Pete Milner (LYL No 002) spoke enthusiastically of the new body. He said: “We are using parades to demonstrate our commitment to clean streets. We are determined to take the gum out of Irish politics.”

However, the society is not without its critics. Dr Gordon McKay from Saintfield was also appalled at becoming the Society’s first reject. “Even though I proved my cross-community credentials as an Irish-speaking Protestant, they rejected me on the grounds that I didn’t send my children to an integrated school. Which is a bit harsh, because I don’t actually have any children.”

Language expert Gabhan Ó Fachtna also lambasted it, saying: “Ulster-Scots speakers know rightly a ‘Yellow Man’ is something you eat on holiday on the north coast, not something which parades to defend the cause of progress and liberalism. And since the Irish ‘fear buí’ already means both ‘yellow man’ and ‘orange man’, how are Gaelgeoirí supposed to differentiate? This is a recipe for linguistic chaos.”

It is understood that LYL is currently fundraising to buy out the
copyright for the song _Let There Be Peace on Earth_.