We are living through a golden age of nonsense. Not in our music, or our fashion, or even our politics (though it tries). No, the real masterclass in modern gibberish comes from the language of government and public administration.
Our civil service and political class now speak in a dialect so dense, so abstract, so utterly disconnected from reality that it requires a translator—and possibly a medium. This isn’t communication. It’s performance. And like all good theatre, it suspends disbelief long enough to distract from the fact that very little is actually happening.
Take the recent events in Ballymena. Following a spate of alleged racially motivated attacks—serious incidents by any measure—and as a Ballymena resident, I in no way wish to trivialise them -local MLA Paul Frew called for a “multi-agency task force.” A strong-sounding phrase. Resolute. Decisive. Vaguely American.
But let’s pause for a moment and ask: what does it mean?
A “multi-agency task force” is essentially the political equivalent of turning on the hazard lights and walking away from the wreckage. It conjures images of serious people in hi-vis jackets with clipboards—but almost never results in anything beyond meetings, acronyms, and coffee.
Will it bring police, social workers, housing officers, and community reps into a single room? Will an agenda be produced and minutes taken and distributed in a timely fashion? Oh yes!
Will they nod solemnly and agree that racism is bad? Undoubtedly. They might event repeat the meeting, after having identified stakeholders who were not invited to the initial event?
But will it lead to real action, transparency, and accountability? History suggests not…..no let’s be realistic…..No it will not!!
This kind of language is everywhere now. It’s the default setting in Stormont and in civil service departments where no one ever simply does something—they initiate a strategic pathway, commission a working group, or facilitate robust dialogue. Want to close a service? Easy—call it “reprofiling resources.” Need to cut a budget? “Refocus spending to maximise value.” Just don’t mention the word “cuts.” Heaven forbid the public actually understand what’s happening.
We’re told that these are just the tools of modern governance. But let’s be honest—it’s a racket. A linguistic shield that protects institutions from scrutiny and gives politicians just enough cover to claim they’re “doing something” while, in reality, kicking the can firmly down the road.
The problem isn’t just the language itself—it’s the culture it enables. When a system becomes more fluent in “outcome-based frameworks” than in plain English, it begins to value spin over substance. And the public, not being fluent in civil-service gobbledegook, are left baffled, frustrated, and increasingly disengaged.
What we need now isn’t another action plan, review, or stakeholder roundtable. We need a revolution in how we speak about public life.
It is beyond time now that our leaders say what they mean and mean what they say. No more “pathways.” No more “exploratory discussions.” If it’s a no, say no. If something’s broken, say what you’ll do to fix it—and by when.
Because if I hear the phrase “multi-agency task force” one more time, I might just form a cross-sectoral working group of my own. Its first action? To abolish jargon entirely.
I’ve often wondered —do they teach this stuff in week one of induction? Is there a “Political Gibberish 101” where new MLAs learn to use 27 words to say nothing at all? If so, they must all pass with flying colours.
Eugene Reid is a keen observer of all things business and politics. A former elected representative who has had a career working across the private, public and voluntary sectors! Bringing a unique perspective from a diverse and varied background.
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