The Quiet Extinction of Male Role Models…

A while back, I was walking down my street when I spotted a neighbour’s young lad out on his bike. Both tyres were flat. Not a huge deal — I’m a cyclist, I’ve got a decent pump — easy fix.

But then the doubt crept in.

“Should I? Will it look weird? What if his parents think I’m some dodgy bloke paying attention to their kid?”

And so, I walked on. The kid kept wobbling along on his pancake-flat tyres, and I went home — choosing to avoid the risk of being misjudged. Because let’s face it, for many men today, being kind around children feels like walking through a minefield.

I volunteer regularly as a parkrun Run Director, so I’m familiar with all the child protection rules, AccessNI checks, safeguarding briefings — and I agree that after the horrific abuses of the past, these structures absolutely matter.

But we’ve swung hard in the other direction. Many men now feel that unless you can prove you’re not a threat, you’re assumed to be one.

Even the word “scoutmaster” has been ruined — practically a punchline now. As Scott Galloway puts it:

“Michael Jackson and the Catholic Church have f*cked it up for the rest of us men.”

Now, to be clear — research shows priests aren’t more likely to abuse than the general population — but the reputation damage is done. Men have heard the message loud and clear: Don’t go near kids. Just in case.

The result? The number of men volunteering with young people is at an all-time low. Jobs involving children? Also declining.

Which brings me to something that caught my eye in The Guardian today. Education Secretary Bridget Phillipson hit the nail on the head:

“The fate of boys is a defining issue of our time… We need more male teachers to guide and lead boys in the classroom.”

She’s not wrong. Just one in four teachers are male. One in seven in primary schools. In early years education, it drops to one in 33.

And the trends aren’t improving. Since 2010, 28,000 new teachers have been recruited — just 533 of them were men.

We’ve also got an issue with how boys are treated in schools. Gender bias exists — often unintentionally.

Most teachers are women. That’s not inherently bad, but some argue that teaching methods are geared toward girls — sitting still, verbal learning, compliance. When boys don’t fit that mould? They’re labelled as disruptive. Diagnosed with ADHD. Left behind.

(And yes — ADHD is real, but expecting all children to sit still and focus for six hours a day? That’s a tough ask for anyone.)

If boys are constantly getting the message that they’re “too loud”, “too much”, or “not as good” — is it really surprising that some of them withdraw? Or lash out?

Around 15% of UK families are single-parent households. 90% of those are headed by mothers. A boy could, in theory, go his entire childhood without any significant male role models.

Uncles, family friends, and coaches used to fill the gap. Men ran the football teams, the youth clubs, the scouts, the school discos.

Now? Many have quietly stepped back. Not because they don’t care — but because they don’t want the hassle, the suspicion, or the bureaucracy.

Instead of coaching football, they’re staying home watching er Netflix. Because it’s safer.

And to be clear — this isn’t a Daily Mail-style rant against single mums. Most parents — of any gender — are doing their best. But they could use more support, and society needs to make space for men to offer it without being treated like ticking time bombs.

Volunteering is good for kids — but it’s also good for men. Feeling useful. Passing on wisdom. Belonging to something bigger than yourself. It’s not just noble — it’s human.

And as we become more isolated and less involved in our communities, is it any wonder that male mental health is in crisis?

Want a quick win? Justice Minister Naomi Long, this one’s for you.

AccessNI checks are required for anyone working or volunteering with children or vulnerable adults. Fair enough. But the system is clunky beyond belief.

You can’t share your check. You need a separate one for every role — teacher? Check. Football coach? New check. Youth group volunteer? Another one. Church group volunteer? You guessed it. And if they need renewed? Update each one separately.

It’s such a faff that it actively discourages people from helping out. I’ve been put off myself.

How about issuing a unique shareable, digital link to your check? One you can send to any employer or club that needs it? Make it password-protected to tick the GDPR box. This would also reduce the workload of the AccessNI team and speed up turnaround times.

It’s a simple, bureaucracy-cutting solution that would help thousands of willing volunteers re-engage. But — let’s be honest — asking Stormont to deliver something efficient is a bit like asking a fish to ride a bike.

Men aren’t villains for wanting to help. And kids aren’t better off without them.

We need a societal shift — one that acknowledges past failings without turning suspicion into the default setting. One that allows boys to grow into good men because they had good men to show them how.

Let’s pump up their tyres — and our own.