The Solution

After the uprising of the 2nd of March
The DUP member for Lagan Valley
Had leaflets distributed in Paisley Park
Stating that the people
Had forfeited the confidence of the the Union
And could win it back only
By redoubled efforts. Would it not be easier
In that case for the Party
To dissolve the people
And elect another?

with thanks to Bertolt Brecht and Gerry Lynch

  • David Crookes

    鳥 遠 人 亦 稀

    ( = The birds were far away, and men also few).

    Of course Li Bai wasn’t talking about the DUP leadership on Friday night. But he might have been.

  • Gerry Lynch

    Your disloyalty is noted, comrade. Report to your work accountability unit on Monday morning at 8 prepared to begin a work of self-criticism discussing your bourgeois-formalist views.

  • Gerry Lynch

    Talking of solutions… from CP Cavafy…

    What are we waiting for, assembled in the forum?

    The barbarians are due here today.

    Why isn’t anything happening in the senate?
    Why do the senators sit there without legislating?

    Because the barbarians are coming today.
    What laws can the senators make now?
    Once the barbarians are here, they’ll do the legislating.

    Why did our emperor get up so early,
    and why is he sitting at the city’s main gate
    on his throne, in state, wearing the crown?

    Because the barbarians are coming today
    and the emperor is waiting to receive their leader.
    He has even prepared a scroll to give him,
    replete with titles, with imposing names.

    Why have our two consuls and praetors come out today
    wearing their embroidered, their scarlet togas?
    Why have they put on bracelets with so many amethysts,
    and rings sparkling with magnificent emeralds?
    Why are they carrying elegant canes
    beautifully worked in silver and gold?

    Because the barbarians are coming today
    and things like that dazzle the barbarians.

    Why don’t our distinguished orators come forward as usual
    to make their speeches, say what they have to say?

    Because the barbarians are coming today
    and they’re bored by rhetoric and public speaking.

    Why this sudden restlessness, this confusion?
    (How serious people’s faces have become.)
    Why are the streets and squares emptying so rapidly,
    everyone going home so lost in thought?

    Because night has fallen and the barbarians have not come.
    And some who have just returned from the border say
    there are no barbarians any longer.

    And now, what’s going to happen to us without barbarians?
    They were, those people, a kind of solution.

  • David Crookes

    Cracker, Gerry.

  • Paul Hagan

    A poem I saw about voting in #AE17

    Weather and Anger

    Turnout they say was estimated at 65%
    Because Rain was only a 15%
    The man on the TV said it was warm,
    The caller at the door promised sunshine,
    The rest were braced for a storm.

    Between the rain drops we’ve voted
    After the sun, you could see clouds
    Those winds of change blew
    We still never quite knew,
    If we were proud or just dry.

    You might tap the barometer,
    Or pack and extra coat for the day,
    You never know how long it can last,
    That’s why the weather forecast,
    Plays-on in the background.

  • David Crookes

    Thanks, Paul. Why are there so few responses on this thread? I was reminded of eight lines by Sir Robert Vansittart.

    “It’s not as easy as you think,”
    The nettled poet sighed.
    “It’s not as good as I could wish,”
    The publisher replied.
    “It might,” the kindly critic wrote,
    “Have easily been worse.”
    “We will not read it anyhow,”
    The public said, ” it’s verse.”

  • Brendan Heading

    Mistaken comrades are to be directed to Peter Robinson’s “Unionist Academy”.

  • Gerry Lynch

    No, not the Robinson Centre. Please don’t make me go to the Robinson Centre.

  • David Crookes

    …..which is an anagram of ANY MISEDUCATION.

  • David Crookes

    Ma Ulster Scots indentity az bein dascramanated agenst wi all thass standard Anglish stuff.

    A’d better warn ye aboot tha sort o thang ye’ll hear aff ye gae tae thon Robinson Centre.

    “Ye call me Wullie John McNair,
    An aff ye houl yer tongue,
    A’ll tell ye hoo and when an where
    A moved a load o dung.”

  • David Crookes

    The Song of Deborah may be relevant here as well.

    אז הלמו עקבי סוס מדהרות דהרות אביריו

    ‘Then were the horsehoofs broken by the means of the
    pransings, the pransings of their mighty ones.’

  • David Crookes

    Youse’ve all gone wild quiet, so here’s twa verses an a wee chorus fer International Weemen’s Day. A wuz inspired by tha sicht o a wee shrimp o a boy in a Mini, drivin through Ballynahinch wi three weemen all slabberin an weggin their forefingers at him.


    A chainsaw cuttin heavy logs
    Wud quarely deeve yer ear,
    An tha noise o twenty barkin dogs
    Wud fill yer heart wi fear,
    But worse than crèche on Sunday
    Wi fifty youngsters screamin
    Is drivin roon tha country
    Wi three oul hegs o weemen.

    CHORUS Drivin roon tha country
    Wi three oul hegs o weemen!
    All the dae is moan an groan
    An grunt an pech an snivel.
    Drivin roon tha country
    Wi three oul hegs o weemen!
    Tha wife she’s bad, her oul doll’s worse,
    Her granny she’s tha divil.

    A think that alcohol’s a curse:
    A’ve always been teetotal,
    But three oul hegs has done their worst
    Tae make me hit tha bottle.
    A nearly had to take a drop
    O strong fermented liquor
    When the tuck me intae a lodgerie shop
    An started buyin knickers.


    [A’ll say it masel afore tha Heid Yin says it: nae mair.]