“It wasn’t until 2009 that I hit the jackpot and came up through the women’s toilet mop and bucket room.”

And in Tyrone, amongst the bushes, we give you Shawshank Husband

The wife has a bad snore on her and after watching the Shawshank Redemption on RTE one night in 1994, I decided to do something about it so I waited til she was in a deep sleep and then set about digging a hole under the bed in the direction of the pub. I used all manner of tools from spoons to a heavy duty tunnel boring machine I managed to sneak down there when she was at the shops. It wasn’t until 2009 that I hit the jackpot and came up through the women’s toilet mop and bucket room.”

All characters appearing in this work may be fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, may be purely coincidental.

Mick is founding editor of Slugger. He has written papers on the impacts of the Internet on politics and the wider media and is a regular guest and speaking events across Ireland, the UK and Europe. Twitter: @MickFealty