Genuinely important news: tea is good for you

Amid all the election issues the BBC has brought us the most important news ever. Tea is good for you. Indeed tea seems remarkably good for you (this week) and better than water. Apparently “They found clear evidence that drinking three to four cups of tea a day can cut the chances of having a heart attack.” This will mean I will live forever since I drink about 8 to 10. However, this being Slugger and Northern Ireland I think we need to introduce a note of controversy. Coffee is a dreadful drink. We should be very suspicious of coffee drinkers. Coffee has been the cause of an almost indescribable number of problems and its drinkers must take much of the responsibility for the world’s ills.

This author has not written a biography and will not be writing one.