Overheard on the plane out of Belfast…

Overheard this morning:

“They [the company] only tried to get me to take a hire car once. That was when I was travelling from Belfast to the Isle of Man. I said to them, ‘Are you sure? Will I not need to get the ferry? You know, its an island in the middle of the sea.’ The girl said, “Hold on, I’ll go and check.” She came back a few minutes later and said, ‘It’s okay, you can take a taxi instead.'”

  • Scaramoosh

    🙂 He should have offered to walk..

  • My favourite is the London based producer on BBC World asking me what time it is here.

  • Tochais Síoraí

    And you told him 1690?

  • Wabbits

    Sitting in a cafe in Los Angeles with my brother bantering away, as you do, and an auld bird turned round to us and asked “Is that Gaelic you guys are speaking?” When we slowed down for the reply to her question she said “Gee your English is really good”.

    Turns out she was a member of the Screen Writers Guild and actually had a vote on the Oscars. We despaired !

  • granni trixie

    Mick: and your point is..?
    (I honesstly want to know!)

  • Finn Mc Cool

    I was sitting in a bar (I seem to spend a lot of time in bars) feeling a bit peckish and thought I would order a bite to eat. The waitress brought me the menu which I gave due consideration. On her return she asked for my order, I requested a ham cheese and mushroom omelette, the waitress without looking up asked me if I would like eggs in it, I replied that I would leave that up to the chef.
    Perhaps the order was a little too exotic for an Antrim town hostelry !!!

  • granni trixie

    Finn: that is really funny — but is it true?

  • articles

    Eamonn Phoenix yesterday spoke about the north and south each putting the clock forward at different times in 1941 resulting in a period of confusion for cross border services such as trains.

    This is just a gentle reminder to put your clock forward Mick.

    Incidentally Eamonn said that he had found this piece of trivia in contemporary records rather than in recognised texts on the period. Similarly I heard once of an early Irish census where in remote areas priests were used as enumerators? to count the local population.Given that the priests were paid on a per head basis they guilefully inflated the figures to claim more money. Collectively the census was widely awry. However i can find no such record of same in the recognised texts. Anybody got a lead on this?

  • Finn Mc Cool

    Grannie me darlin, I can assure you it is true, In the same establishment I once asked for a pint of diet guinness, the young barman look to the manger and shouted ‘do we have diet guinness on draught ?’ the place erupted !
    incidently the bar closed down a few years ago, I wonder why !!!

  • granni trixie

    Finn:Another hobby of mine (besides Slugger) is creative writing and I keep overheard snippets in a wee exerceise book to draw on for insporiation and enliven stories. But I have nothing as cute as the examples on this page.

    BTW,I deliberately play up “Slugger” as hobby to deflate those who take it and themselves too seriously (though I seem to have found soul mates on this post).

  • Finn Mc Cool

    Grannie, I will tell one more tale involving the same establishment.
    I went in one cold wet winter afternoon (much like today) I ordered me pint and sat beside a seasoned veteran who was having a hot whiskey.

    After a few minutes a young regular came in dripping wet and freezing. He asked the seasoned veteran what he was drinking as he saw the steam rising off the glass. The veteran told the young man that it was a hot whiskey and was just the thing for a day like today. The young man said he would order one right away.

    The veteran told the young man not to get tomatoe juice in it. Straight away the young man shouted to the barman to get him a hot whiskey no tomatoe juice. The place erupted once again.

    The veteran smiled and took another sip.
    The apprentice shrugged his shoulders and realised he had a lot to learn !

  • Drumlins Rock

    Was in Belfast with some Americans in 1995, it was a long dry summer and there was a gorse fire on Cavehill, one of the american girls asked whats that? I told her it was a small volcano that flares up from time to time, she says “really? I hope it is safe enough”, the really sad thing was one of the local girls was looking worried and nodding in agreement.

  • Wabbits

    A blistering hot Summers day I was sitting in a boozer in downtown Derry when one of the locals piped up and remarked upon what a brilliant day it was weatherwise and added “If I had a job I would take the day off”.

  • granni trixie

    Nothing so amusing as the above has happened to me. Still, I wonder..

    What about the shop assistant who looked me up and down as I was trying on an (expensive) wee coat, who said “that tuplip shape really suits you”, ending my temptation.

    Is this funny or is it just a women thing?

    Come to think of it all of these stories are just like “a funny thing happned to me on the way to…”. same old, same old – but with a twist?

  • andnowwhat

    I was in a petrol station facing Rathcoole yesterday when a man was loudly ranting to the girl on the till. It had become an EMO station over the weekend (I think).

    He eclaimed to the girl, “aren’t they a Free State (sic) company?”. the girl was dumfounded as he went on, “ya wouldn’t of had them here 10 years ago”.

    He left and began shouting something at the EMO signs as he walked across the forecourt.

    Not a funny story but nice to encounter a bit of old school bigotry in this age of developing enlightenment

  • Nordie Northsider

    I phoned Directory Enquiries in Dublin looking for a number in Letterkenny. ‘But where in Letterkenny is it?’ she asked. ‘I don’t know the name of the street,’ says I. She sighed and said ‘No, what town in County Letterkenny are we talking about? And anyway, isn’t that, like, in Northern Ireland or something?’

  • granni trixie

    I’m tachnically challenged. can anybody trell me how to save this page to my computer?
    (for future use on the comedy circuit.)

  • Finn Mc Cool

    Such stories give a fine reflection on the humour of our great land. It is reminisent of the yarns I used to read by Belfasts own Sam Mc Aughrty.

    Any way, Hi ho Hi ho its off to work I go !

  • joeCanuck

    Irishman got a job in Londom. He made new mates. After work one said, me and James are going for a drink, would you care to join us? I’d love to said Micheal. The three walked in; the barman said what will it be gentlemen. Fist Englishman says whiskey and soda. 2nd Englishman says I’ll have a whiskey and soda too. Wanting to be a part of the newfound friendship, Micheal says I’ll just have a whisky, I’m not hungry.

  • joeCanuck

    Edit:
    Select all

    Edit:
    Copy.

    Open a wordprocessor or note book page.

    Edit:
    Paste.

  • Greenflag

    joe canuck ,

    No 20 above one word –

    deadly 😉

    It’s the way you tell em;)

  • joeCanuck

    GF,
    You missed #17.

  • VI Lurgan

    Re 11

    Finn – another Hot whiskey story.

    Walked into hotel bar in Bradford in mid-80’s on cold and wet February nite. Asked for hot whiskey but Barmaid had never heard of one before. I started to walk her through the process giving step by step instructions. Near the end I asked in my best Northern Irish accent –
    “Have you any cloves?”

    to which she replied, in her best Bradford accent –

    “Only the ones I’m wearing now, are they important?”

    Something lost in the translation me thinks.

  • Fearglic

    As a kid wanting to earn some money me and my mate knew about the scrap metal people down the Falls that bought aeap lead. One night in a full house of family and friends I loudly asked my da. ” da where can I get lead?” i was only 12 at the time. It took me a whil. To understand the reaction!

  • granni trixie

    Joe: very many thanks, will do.

  • Greenflag

    Joe C ,

    Granni’s spelling is desperate 😉

    The American in Moore St bought a dozen oranges from the infamous Rosie .

    As he parted with the dosh Rosie put the oranges in a bag and gave them to him .

    As he walked down Henry St he checked the bag (he’d been in Ireland a few weeks and had become wary of being ripped off) and found only 11 oranges .

    Back to Rosie he went .

    ‘Rosie ‘ he says .’Do you remember me’?

    “Ah yes ‘ she says ‘The American gentleman and the dozen oranges ‘

    ‘Well ye see Rosie there’s only 11 in the bag ‘

    ‘That’s right ‘ replies the quickwitted Rosie .

    ‘One of them was bad so I threw it away for you ‘

    Somewhere in that old yarn theres a modern banking crisis urban tale trying to emerge 😉

  • Seimi

    I was on a business trip a couple of years ago. Myself and 2 colleagues spent 2 nights in a hotel in Dungarvan, Co. Waterford.

    On the 1st night, 2 of us were sitting in the bar, exhausted, having a quiet pint. At the end of the bar was an American, an old guy, who was telling anyone who would listen that he had hit upon the perfect business deal. He was getting closer to us, boring everyone in his path, and my colleague groaned as he heard the voice at his shoulder, ‘Hey, how are you guys doin? I don’t know if you heard, but I have a great idea.’ Anyway, he droned on about this great plan of his, until I told him that we were very busy and if he wasn’t going to tell us his idea, could he please leave?

    He stood back, looked around him shiftily, and said, ‘You know that stuff you grow here? The stuff you burn? Well in America, we love barbecues…’ I stared at him, and asked if he was seriously suggesting turf as a bbq fuel. Before he had a chance to answer, my colleague suddenly said, ‘Because we just happen to be in the turf export business!’Well, much to the amusement of the barman and a few other customers, we spent the next hour and a half, drafting a plan with this guy to send industrial containers to the States, stuffed with turf.
    We took his contact details and told him to expect a call and a draft contract soon. Wonder if he’s still waiting…

    And that isn’t the end of our Dungarvan adventure. More to follow…

  • Seimi

    Dungarvan, part 2.

    The following morning, on leaving the hotel, we discovered that somebody had removed one of the wing mirrors from my colleagues car. It hadn’t been broken off, rather it had been removed using tools of some sort. When we phoned the local Garda station, we were told by the Sergeant that this was a common crime, stealing to order. He told us to leave it with him, and phone back later. We phoned back that night, and the call was on loudspeaker in the car. My colleague explained why she was phoning, and the Garda said,

    ‘Ah yes the stolen mirror. My colleague is looking into it now.’

    He couldn’t understand why we roared out in laughter, but he became decidedly unfriendly after that…

  • Finn Mc Cool

    Mmmm, reminds me of the police officer who told me he once came across a couple of boys up to no good,

    one boy was drinking battery acid and the other was eating a fire work, I asked him what he did,

    He told me he charged the first one and let the second one off !!!

  • Neil

    Aw jebus. I recall while working in the family pizza joint in years gone by answering the phone and the lady on the line said ‘what size are your pizzas?’, I replied ‘9″ & 12″‘. To which she queried ‘What size in the 12″?’ I was struck dumb at that point.

    Reminds me of a mate that came off with two absolute crackers. One was saying how he loved the song ‘the fields of Rathenraw’ the other was regarding the film ‘charlie chaplain and the chocolate factory’. Fantastic.

  • USA

    Jesus stop Finn, your killing me….the tears are trippin me, LOL.

  • DerTer

    I can’t resist – belatedly – adding one to the pile. A big bruiser of a man walked into a greegrocer’s and asked for half a cabbage. The shop assistant said he was sorry but they only sold whole cabbages. The customer repeated, in a threatening voice, that he’d come for half a cabbage and wasn’t leaving without it. The assistant tried to reason with him, but to no avail. In the end he said he would go into the back of the shop and consult the boss. Unknown to him the customer followed him. Look, said the assistant to the boss, “What am I going to do: there’s this big f…ing bastard out there looking for half a cabbage”. Just then he caught sight of the large customer out of the corner of his eye, and continued “and this gentleman wants the other half.”

  • PaddyReilly

    A tourist guide was showing a group around the pyramid of Cheops, and ventured to suggest that the structure had been created as early as the year 2500.

    One of the tourists then enquired, whether that was 2500 BC or 2500 AD.

    Not to be outdone in the stupidity stakes, and showing quite remarkable guile in answering a question to which he obviously did not know the answer, the guide said that it was all so long ago it probably didn’t make any difference.