The Ulster Fry on your mobile phone…

REMEMBER those warnings from a few years ago that holding a mobile phone against your ear for too long could cause cancer in your brain? Well it turned out mobiles were safe enough to use on Ryanair – and now it turns out that they could, in fact, be the ultimate student oven. Queen’s University academic Professor Barra Ceide has managed to harnass the power of mobile phone batteries into a tool that could revolutionise how we eat convenience food forever. However, there are also fears that it would be be developed into a WMD for the republican movement.A new, free downloadable application now available on the internet allows mobile users to substantially increase their phone battery temperature and utilise microwave power… just enough to heat up pre-cooked supermarket meals and drinks using any smartphone with a flat touchscreen.

For example, once the software is installed, users can place a cup of tea on top of a touch-screen phone (such as an iPhone) or beside any other brand with a half-decent battery, like a Blackberry Storm (see screenshots) – and the drink heats to an acceptable temperature using microwaves. The inventor calls the software hack, the ‘Ulster Fry’…

Apart from the fact that the application uses microwaves and the screenshot is of a touch-sensitive ‘gas ring’, it works exactly like a cheap household microwave. Just set a ceramic cup on your phone and hit enter.

According to the BBC, south Belfast student entrepreneur Mr Ceide said: “This is just the first step in multi-application mobile technology. At the moment, the combination of an overheated mobile phone battery and G3 smartphone connection can only create enough heat to warm a cup of coffee or pre-heated microwave dinner, but the possibilities are endless.

“Because it’s the first of its type and it was invented in Belfast, we decided to call the beta version the ‘Ulster Fry’. Of course, it doesn’t actually fry, as the software works on microwaves, but the commercial applications of such a brand would clearly strike a nerve with an American market.

“Imagine being able to heat up a KFC or your post-pub ‘Rustlers’ microwave cheeseburger with a Nokia cellphone running Google Android software. Think how useful that would be!”

The application has been tested with some Samsung and Nokia models, but according to Ceile, works best with flat-screen mobiles.

He added: “The software has a touchscreen interface and while ultimately it could heat up home-cooked meals, at the moment, the pressure of setting a mug or cup on a sensitive screen should activate the graphical ‘gas ring’.”

However, unionists are concerned that the application could be used by dissident republicans as a trigger for a hi-tech bomb.

Said a security source: “Any device that heats up to a certain temperature is bound to attract the attention of dissident republicans, as it could be used as a simplified trigger for a bomb. Hopefully, this software will be seen as another idiotic attempt by some eejit to gain publicity for himself.”

  • willis

    Nice one!

  • You’re cooking up a right tall tale for the day. Good story though!

  • Dewi

    It’s truly a day of technological breakthrough – the Guardian. But this from the Indie just can’t be true,,,,can it?

  • Paul McMahon

    A reasonable attempt Gonzo…unfortunately Slugger’s readership are just too damned sophisticated!

  • Comrade Stalin

    I had to turn my phone off after the Ulster Fry application evolved into a sentient entity and began to attempt to take over the world.

  • Rory Carr

    Hunh! My mobile phone is already capable of serving up a delicious three-course meal for four people with very little effort. I just ring the local Balti House.

  • Not quite as convincing as the Belfast Telegraph‘s! That one had the Westlink ring of confidence and conviction about it.

  • dunreavynomore

    I believe that a well known tailor in Belfast is developing a range of garments which will withstand the high temperatures generated by these state of the art phones when they are ‘in pocket’.
    Sadly, though, Barra is too late as such a phone already exists in India and after you have eaten your lunch prepared on the phone, rang home to say you are on the way, it is simply a matter of pressing a switch and the phone turns into a mini scooter to take you home.

  • Other ‘Ulster’ apps for your phone include ‘Ulster Satellite Navigation’ which includes a trip down the Garvaghy Road as part of every journey.

  • Yesterday, somebody phoned me on my mobile.

    We had a heated discussion!

  • Rory Carr

    It is not only dissident republicans who will seek to benefit from this new technology. In an eagerly awaited press release expected later today the British Ministry of Defence is to announce a mass order for these new phones alongside plans to completely axe both the Royal Corps of Signals and the Army Catering Corps.

  • Bad news for Irish rugby fans, there’s now an investigation ongoing into certain matters relating to the Ireland V Wales Grandslam Finale. The upshot is that the match may need to be replayed….
    See more on this here….http://igaeilge.wordpress.com/2009/04/01/sceal-ur-te-bruite-eire-v-cymru-le-h-ath-imirt/

  • Rory Carr

    Suspicion is growing that the measurements which concluded that the pitch was indeed 4 metres longer than regulation size were carried out by a former member of the Royal Engineers, a man whose great-grandfather had aroused controversy in the early decades of the 20th century when he had served as the leading surveyor for the British Government on the notorious Boundary Commission which carved up the island of Ireland.

    Although a reply was similarly sought on that occasion the appeals fell upon deaf ears and resentment simmered for decades.

    In a statement touching upon this issue a spokesman for a splinter group from the Gay Lovers of Rugby (Gt Britain & Ireland), who wished to remain anonymous, complained that the Welsh protest was yet another manifestation of “sizeism” which was making life misery for many in his support group. He declined to elaborate on why this was an issue but insisted that his members’ human rights were being breached and that it was important to recognise that size did not matter.

    A gentleman’s tailor later issued a statement disagreeing, pointing out that he had a vast stock of trousers in a great variety of sizes and that quite by chance he was having a mammoth sale this coming weekend.

  • joeCanuck

    Yep. The Belfast Telegraph one was a good one. Just that little bit of plausibility.

  • dunreavynomore

    The Belfast tailor manufacturing the garments for the ‘cook by phone equipment’ wishes to make it clear that his emporium has no connection to the tailor featured in post 13 by a Rory Carr and that, furthermore, this establishment (the Belfast Tailor’s) is not, repeat, not selling mammoths nor has it ever stocked mammoths although woolly cloth is available on request for specialist orders.

  • dunreavynomore

    The Belfast tailor manufacturing the garments for the ‘cook by phone equipment’ wishes to make it clear that his emporium has no connection to the tailor featured in post 13 by a Rory Carr and that, furthermore, this establishment (the Belfast Tailor’s) is not, repeat, not selling mammoths nor has it ever stocked mammoths although woolly cloth is available on request for specialist orders.

  • dunreavynomore

    The Belfast Tailor wishes to apologise for the double post whilst making clear that the fault, in its entirety, lies with a Mr Gremlin.

  • Rory Carr

    The tailor whose statement I referred to in an earlier post tells me that that he his quite happy not to appear to be associated with the firm known as the Belfast Tailor, insisting that he is a London tailor and adding, “Furthermore, in my opinion, the Belfast Tailor is all mouth and no trousers. I, the London tailor, on the other hand have lots and lots and lots of trousers. Massive reductions this weekend only! Gentlemen requiring extra small sizes in the, er, ‘trouser department’ discretely accomodated”.

    I would only add that I have not the slightest idea what on earth he is talking about in his last sentence. I can only hope that Dunreavymore might, as his name suggests, know a little bit more about ‘this kind of thing’.

  • dunreavynomore

    So, Rory Carr, with your,”I Would only add that I have not the slightest idea what on earth he is talking about in his last sentence. I can only hope that Dunreavymore might, as his name suggests, know a little bit more about ‘this kind of thing’.” you are now denying that your ‘friend’ sells mammoths despite your earlier statement that this tailor to whom you are so close had a ‘mammoth sale on’. Mr Carr, please answer plainly, does this ‘tailor’ have a sale of mammoths on or not? Your pretence of not having the slightest idea of what I am talking about does a serious disservice to the proud name of Slugger O’Toole, known far and wide as the decent persons choice for probity and honesty. Come Sir, cease your dalliance with uncertainty and answer the question.