Is this what it means to be British..?

IT’S Friday, so I thought I’d share one of those emails that does the rounds… It starts: “One of the British national daily newspapers is asking readers “what it means to be British?” Some of the emails are hilarious, the first one is from a chap in Switzerland… Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of anything foreign.Only in Britain… can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain… do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain… do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain… do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Britain… do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain… do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.

Only in Britain… are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.


3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.

101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.

18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of Control Scalextric cars. and finally………

In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.

  • Westchick

    Very funny gonzo. Does anyone have a similar email on what it means to be Irish, or even Northern Irish?

  • Zizniny

    That particular piece of hilarity has been recycled about as many times as London water.

  • heck

    How about

    Launch illegal wars and condemn violence from others

    Practice torture and lecture third world countries for violating human rights

    Invade and occupy lots of countries and oppress their population (almost 25% of the world) and convince yourself you were doing it for their benefit

    Have a monarchy, and a government voted for by about 1/3 of the voting population, and then kill over 100000 civilians to impose democracy on the middle east.

    Lecture the Iranian government on their nuclear program and spend billions to upgrade your own nuclear arsenal.

    Demand the Syrians have an inquiry into their actions in Lebanon while refusing to have one on your own death squads in Ireland.

    Murder lawyers and then preach about the “rule of law”


    Patronize the paddies.

  • 828

    THe Brits/Roman/Greeks were the first countries to go global.

    Shame the racist ones from navel gazing norn iron are still can’t see past the am I Irish or am I British quandry!

    Role on Europe! Role on the New World Order!

  • David Michael

    Gonzo, I loved the one about driving the German car etc. Eerily enough, if you substiture Irish for British it makes no difference 🙂

    And s/he could have gone on ad nauseam. Almost everything we bath in, shower in, slap on our jowels and spray on our armpits is foreign made. Much of our clothing comes from sweat-shops in the Far East and elsewhere. Our fruit and veg may have travelled from the far side of the earth. The books we read are more than likely printed abroad.

    I’ll stop now.

  • smirkyspice

    ‘only in Britain’ ha! you could say most of that about Canadians, Americans.. *yawn*

  • Conor Gillespie

    “THe Brits/Roman/Greeks were the first countries to go global.”

    Learn your history buddy. How about the Phoenicians? the Huns? the Persians? the Mongols? the list of countries that ‘went global’ either before the greco romans or between the fall of rome and the time of the brits is endless. (: