Spidewatch…

SOME honest opinions on the underclass situation in Lisburn, Belfast, and, of course, Strabane, the third worst place to live in the UK, according to Channel 4.

Remember to have a search on the Chavtown site to get an update on the spide situation in your neighbourhood.

  • Sean

    Hate to say it guys but Bored is right.I really do want these people to be beheaded and id gladly watch every single minute of it.

    Its not a case of getting rid of people we dont like the look of, its getting rid of people who beat the living crap out of some poor kid for looking differant or simply because he happened to be there.

    I recently got attacked by a piece of scum because i wouldnt let go of my own girlfriends hand. Now thankfully this piece of shit ended up with his face to the ground but this isnt always the case. Similar events have happened to my friends and I since I was around 12/13.

    And as for the travel idea, i just recently got back from travelling around europe for a month and i agree with Bored’s sentiments, there is nowhere as scum infested as Belfast. I also got back to find that Belfast had gone fucking nuts with young girls being raped and guys being killed all over the joint. I really cant stand the place. I just cant wait for the day when the police are given an MP5 as standard issue.

  • Fishfiss

    The Northern Ireland Executive Education Committee has determined that different Secondary Maths Exam papers are required for pupils in the two different schools wards.
    This has been ratified by the BELB. Below are the most recent papers for your reference.

    MATHS TEST FOR SECONDARY SCHOOLS IN WEST BELFAST (TO INCLUDE FALLS,SHANKILL, PETERS HILL):

    NAME:________________________
    NICKNAME ____________________
    GANG NAME & BATTALION NUMBER____________________
    1. Janty has 0.5 kilos of cocaine and 40 rounds of 9mm ammunition in 4 clips of 10. If he sells an 8 ball to Billy/Sean for 300 quid and 30
    rounds to Newt-Newt for a tenner a clip, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?

    2. JoJo “Joe” McIlhatton has three fat mingers working round the Albert Clack. If the price is 40 quid a shag, how many shags per
    day must each minger perform to pay his £500 protection money to the local battalion?

    3. Smickers Smith wants to cut the kilo of speed he bought for 200 nicker, to make a 20% profit. How many grams of strychnine will he need?
    Extra Credit Bonus: How many limbs will he get shot in if Tapper Elliot finds out he’s knackin’ out gear?

    4. Christy Kingham got life for settin aff a smokie outside the Europa. He also got 350,000 from a Securicor van, on the fly. If his common
    law wife, 22 year old Sharon Tracey Julie Molloy spends 33,100 per year supporting her twelve kids, how much money will be left when he gets out? Extra Credit Bonus: How much more time will Christy get for nutting Sharon for spending his money?

    5. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square metres and the average letter is 1 square metre, how many murals can be sprayed with an eight fluid ounce can with 20% extra paint free?

    6. HubCaps Wallace steals Dunkers skateboard. Dunker’s da’ is in the Ra. As HubCaps skates away at a speed of 35mph, Dunky’s da’ loads an RPG he acquired from the nearest, non-secure arms dump. If it takes Dunkers Da’20 seconds to set the rocket, how far will Bagga have travelled when he gets whacked?

    MATHS TEST FOR SECONDARY SCHOOLS IN SOUTH BELFAST (INCLUDING VICTORIA COLLEGE, METHODY and MALONE PREP):
    NAME_________________________________________________________________
    ___________________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________(If longer,please
    continue on separate sheet)
    DADDY’S COMPANY___________________________________

    1. James Junior smashes up Daddiekins’ car, causing X amount of damage and injuring three people. The old man asks his local MP to intervene in the court system, then forges his insurance claim and receives a payment
    of Y. The difference between X and Y is three times the life insurance settlement for the three injured people. What kind of car is Julian driving now?

    2. Vivienne’s personal shopper decides to substitute generic and own-brand products for the designer goods favoured by her employer. In the course of a month she saves the price of a return ticket to Fiji and Vivienne doesn’t even notice the difference. Is she thick or what?

    3. Rupert fancies the arse off a certain number of tarts, but he only has enough Rohypnol left to render 33.3% of them unconscious. If he has 14
    Rohypnol, how is he ever going to shag the other two-thirds?

    4. If Savannah throws up four times a day for a week she can fit into a size 8 Versace dress. If she only throws up three times a day for
    two weeks, she has to make do with a size 10 Dolce et Gabbana. How much does liposuction cost?

    5. Alexander is unsure about his sexuality. Three days a week he fancies women. On the other days he fancies men, ducks and vacuum cleaners.
    However he only has access to the Hoover every third week. When does his Sunday Independent column start?

  • Two Nations

    As a prime example of how the spide infestion is getting worse, all you need to do is look at Botanic Avenue.

    A few years back it was quite a nice place to go of an evening – good restaurants, cafes and bars. Today, these places are still there but the street now has a large number of spides and winos hanging out there. They stand about or sit at bus stops drinking their carryouts. They look agressive and act agressively. They harass women and ethnic minorities as they walk past. Last night for example there was one group of seven sitting at a bus stop drinking. Another group of five standing outside a chippie drinking. Further up was a group of winos.

    This is one of the main streets of Belfast! not a back street. Are the police completely oblivious to this? Does nobody care what tourists might think?

  • Fishfiss

    Poor wee tourists.

  • circles

    Spide infestion??? Infestion like???

    I think Slugger has a mild Love Ulster infestion at the minute.
    C’mon folks let’s try harder to beat this sloppy spelling virus!