Writing next Tuesday's headlines?

Whilst we’re all sitting around twiddling thumbs, I thought it might be fascinating to see what readers (and other bloggers) imagined what the headline reports will be next week when the final outcome of the Leeds Castle talks is finally revealed. No prizes, but endless glory if your most improbable scenario wins! Enjoy!!

  • peteb

    Who’s twiddling Mick? ;o)

  • peteb

    Headline from Leeds Castle talks.

    “Deja vu, all over again”

  • peteb

    Or, one week later –

    “Plus ca change, plus ce la meme chose”

  • David Vance

    “Yes – I am in the IRA” Adams in Shock Horror

  • peteb

    Now that is an improbable headline, David.

  • Mark

    “Everyone decides just to get along!”

  • Mark McGregor

    ‘Talks break up with pledge for further meetings’

  • Colm

    “Everyone decides to get along……to the bar”

  • Colm

    “Those further meetings will be held in a picturesque French Chateau, and should they fail…The Seychelles in January is ideal for intense political talks we hear”

  • peteb

    That’s sticking your neck out, Mark.

  • Mark McGregor

    Which Mark?

  • peteb

    Yeah.. thought that might cause a little confusion… oops.

    I did mean your “Talks break up with pledge for further meetings”, though, Mark.

  • Mark McGregor

    I

  • Davros

    “Jeffrey defects to SDLP” ?

  • peteb

    That’s certainly more in the spirit of “improbable headlines”, Davros.

  • peteb

    “Aliens abduct NI political leaders”

  • ShayPaul

    IRA declares that the armed struggle is over and calls for all arms to be dumped before De Chastelain verifies and confirms that the complete arsenal has been destroyed.

    The DUP considers this to be unnaceptable.

    Blair decides he’s had enough and goes for pulling the plug on NI, he opens up joint sovereignty talks with Ahern.

    Ahern suggests Independence as he doesn’t like the look of the deal.

  • Mark McGregor

    You want silly ones?

    ‘Paisley dies after colonic rupture and heart attack during talks’

  • peteb

    Headline, ShayPaul?

  • ShayPaul

    Well – give me a break call it a series of headlines

  • peteb

    The Sun would never fit any of them on its front page ;o)

  • ShayPaul

    “Adams asks Blair to stop bugging him”

  • ShayPaul

    “De Chastelain down in the dumps”

  • peteb

    I’m sure we’ve seen that one already, ShayPaul.

  • ShayPaul

    “IRA declared ‘armless” SUN

  • ShayPaul

    “Paisley falls into the moat”

  • Davros

    NOT if Mark gets it right with DUP early departure Pete 😉

  • ShayPaul

    “Jeffrey turns up at Elland Road”

  • ShayPaul

    Gerry king of the castle
    Jeffrey dirty wee rascal

  • ShayPaul

    Portcullis kills 12 – peace in NI

  • peteb

    Yes, we get the point ShayPaul :o)

    Davros

    There’s a scary thought.. Mark’s early departure headline.. followed by the alien abduction of those still at the castle.

  • Davros

    Archangel Gabriel arrives at Leeds Castle, Smiteth Gerry and Martin and takes Ian off Skywards in Chariot while heavenly choir belts out Jerusalem in the style of Emerson, Lake and Palmer – Last bit is for you Maca … from Brain Salad Surgery. Check it out !

  • Davros

    Great minds and Fools seldom Pete 🙂

  • Davros

    “Following outbreak of goodwill at Slugger SF and DUP become friends. SDLP and UUP unite to blame Fealty ” ?

  • Mark McGregor

    ‘IT’S WAR!’

    declares Ford.

  • ShayPaul

    “Gerry and Ian snapped in love den”

  • Davros

    The sun has just come out…it’s a good omen. I’m off to read some entrails.

  • AndrewD

    HEADLINE:

    “DUP enter talks with Sinn Fein!”

  • Young Irelander

    “Angry Dana breaks into Leeds Castle.”

    “Batman and the pro-hunt lobby I can tolerate,but who the f**k let her in?”
    -Tony Blair.

  • Davros

    “Deal reached. Journalists and media pundits await redundency notices”

  • dave

    THE WAR IS OVER

  • maca

    “Same shit, different day”

    “SF & DUP to form rock band ‘The Brainless Pricks'”

    Cheers Davros ;))

  • Davros

    Shouldn’t that be the other way round Maca ?

    DUP & SF to form rock band ‘The Brainless Pricks’

    After all it’s the DUP who are the brainless ones 😉

  • maca

    I think it could be either way Davros, all the same to me 😉

  • maca

    What a whopper of an MP3 Davros, 8 mins 37!!

  • Davros

    which one ?

  • maca

    There’s one available for download:

    EMERSON LAKE & PALMER (ELP) “Brain Salad Surgery” – Karn Evil 9- 1st Impression, Pt. 1

    Not bad at all, though not quite what i’d usually listen to.

  • Davros

    Jerusalem is THE track from that Album.
    They were a strange band!

  • peteb

    Careful now, people.. that’s enough prog-rock for one day.

    Sheesh, next we’ll be recommending ‘Yes’ albums and where would we go after that?.. Oh.. it just doesn’t bear thinking about.

  • Henry94

    PAISLEY TO TAKE SEAT ON ARMY COUNCIL – Applies for Firearms License

  • maca

    Day 2 headlines:

    “The Brainless Pricks release debut single ‘Orange Crush'”

    The B-Side has a cover of Bonnie Tylers “Holding out for a Hero” and an original hip-hop song about the Maze “Prison bee-atch”

  • aquifer

    Paisley stabs Adams in Medieval Banquet Weekend Orgy fork horror.

    British hosts appalled, Irish guests amused, comely maidens look for quieter gig.

  • slackjaw

    ‘Escaped puma’ sighted near Leeds Castle

  • Davros

    Yes Albums ? LOL

    Adams demands Jethro Tull decommissions Flute ?

  • peteb

    That’s an example of exactly what I didn’t want to think about, Davros.

  • Davros

    “Living In The Past” …what could be more appropriate Pete ?

    Living In The Past
    Jethro Tull

    Happy and I’m smiling,
    walk a mile to drink your water.
    You know I’d love to love you,
    and above you there’s no other.
    We’ll go walking out
    while others shout of war’s disaster.
    Oh, we won’t give in,
    let’s go living in the past.
    Once I used to join in
    every boy and girl was my friend.
    Now there’s revolution, but they don’t know
    what they’re fighting.
    Let us close out eyes;
    outside their lives go on much faster.
    Oh, we won’t give in,
    we’ll keep living in the past.

    (Picture Gerry and Ian in codpieces ! There’s a challenge!)

  • peteb

    Picture Gerry and Ian in codpieces?

    I’d have rather not Davros. Unfortunately it’s now an image that’s seared forever in my mind.

    Thanks.

  • davidbrew

    “Apologetic Trimble admits-I got it wrong”

    “Mitchel Mclaughlin shock-yes I was in the ‘Ra (though obviously not with Gerry)”

    “Robinson’s shirts praised by Trinny and that other fat bint”

  • The Dog

    shock – unionists accept repsonibility for loyalist violenece

    Paisley – Yes – I am a bigot

    Blair – Brits out

    McGuinness – Robinson ‘dream team’

    It’s a deal

    Trimble – IRA obsession was a fraud

    Adams gives Paisley mouth – 2 – mouth

    Deal paves way for Irish re-unification

    SDLP – UUP mereger on way

    Blair admits role in Finucane cover-up

    Brits leave – so do IRA

    Loyalists admit they are a bunch of drug dealing crooks

    Blair says he will withdraw his personnel from loyalist gangs

  • peteb

    Adams loses it!
    Found wandering castle grounds in nightshirt ‘looking for Oakie’

  • peteb

    No Deal
    The discovery of a sophisticated listening device, in a room next to the SF delegates’ appointed office, has led to Adams ending the talks prematurely. The device, said to be approximately 4 inches tall with an open top and transparent sides, is believed to have been placed against the wall of the adjoining room and used to listen in on private SF discussions. At the time of discovery the sophisticated device was said to be containing a clear liquid which is currently being transported to a secret laboratory for analysis by SF delegate Caoimhgh

  • Davros

    Naughty bhoy Pete 🙂

  • peteb

    I just call it as I see it, Davros.

  • Davros

    Nobody could accuse you of being anything less than straight Pete 🙂

  • ShayPaul

    Adams votes Paisley First Minister – no surely that’s too silly.