Tom Elliott and UUP disciplne
Dear Member,
First and foremost, on behalf of the Party I would like to convey my thanks to everyone for their support throughout this period of transition. Likewise, I offer my sincere thanks to the Party for electing me as its new Leader. This is a tremendous honour, and I will not be found lacking in my determination to guide and stimulate the Ulster Unionist Party’s resurgence.
One of the first challenges that we, as a Party, must face is the negative media perceptions of division and decline. Having stood in front of 1,000 enthusiastic and committed members at our EGM, there is no doubt in my mind that we have all the ingredients for success.
However, when we air our grievances and divergent opinions in public, we do this Party a great disservice.While I value the contributions that each and every member has to make, the airwaves and the print press are not an appropriate forum for genuine discussion and engagement. I have made my position clear — I want to talk with members at every level in the Party and hear their vision for the future, but that cannot happen when we are set against one another in a public arena.
In an effort to ensure that this Party’s position on any issue is appropriately handled, and to encourage a unified, cohesive group, I would insist that all media appearances and contributions are cleared in advance through the central press office. Statements on constituency issues are, as ever, at the discretion of each individual.
However, when it comes to Party and policy matters, it is my explicit will that all engagement with press receives official approval. Failure to do so will result in disciplinary action.
I hope that you will agree that our energies must be focused on building this Party from the inside, and comply accordingly.
Ends.
Eamonn Mallie
Dwatch.
Apparently the tackle was by a leading supporter of the Captain. This former front row forward claims to have mentored the Skipper since the age of sixteen. This senior coach doubles up as permanent member of the Highest Court in the land.Admittedly he played a different code of Football to his young protege. He could well have had a prematch rub down with that old and well tested embrocation made by a Dungannon chemist called Hennessy.
This situation which normally calls for a red card no doubt will have to appear before the Sports Diciplinary Committee if someone in the hundred strong crowd at the Park Avenue Stadium makes a protest to Sir Alexander Fleming who is there to enforce the professions code of conduct not to say the rules.
This could well place the New Team Captain with a very difficult dilemma as his prematch warm up sent to all the world wide supporters(see top of this string as an example) demands a very high standard of behaviour. This should presumably bring all present and former first team players to order. However the Skipper’s latest dik-tat has manifesly failed on its first outing.
Incidentally another Cup Tie was being played in close proximity by the Scottish Pattern Printers. Whose captain has got major tartan trouble.
Tom Elliott leader of the Fermanagh Rump Party (FRUMP) says
‘it is my explicit will’
Aye Tom …..right ……. you will if you want but its what the rest of us will that will count
Dear Member,
First and foremost, on behalf of the Party I would like to convey my thanks to everyone for their support throughout this period of transition – except of course all those members who tore up their membership cards in frustration and stalked off. We know who you are – well, we don’t actually know who all of you are yet – but we will do soon when the votes are counted next year and we are down again.
Likewise, I offer my sincere thanks to the Fermanagh Branch of the Party with the help of Ulsterbus for packing enough people into the Waterfront Hall to elect me as Leader of almost 1200 Unionsts. May I also take this opportunity to thank the owners of all the good decent Protestant Nursing Homes in Fermanagh who opened their doors for the night having told all their residents that they were going to a concert.
This election is a tremendous honour, almost on a par with being elected Worshipful Master of Ballinamallard Lodge and I will not be found lacking in my determination to guide and stimulate the Ulster Unionist Party’s resurgence as we move forward towards the 18th Century
.
One of the first challenges that we, as a Party, must face is the negative media perceptions of division and decline that have been staring us in the fact for the last 10 years. Having stood in front of 1,000 enthusiastic and committed members at our EGM, many of whom had even turned their hearing aids on for the night, there is no doubt in my mind that we have all the ingredients for success.Of course, the tablets do help with that perception but I am certain that , with a fair wind, next year we can muster over 1050 members as proof of our advance, provided it isn’t too cold a winter and the bad flu stays away
However, when we air our grievances and divergent opinions in public, we do this Party a great disservice.While I value the contributions that each and every member has to make, having been elected as Great Leader I consider it dangerous, nay malicious, of members to have their own opinions. Making any statements must not be done in any way which might lead to me being asked a question or having to have a policy on any given issue at less than a month’s notice – other than existing well established policies on GAA matches, Gay Peeple and anything connected with Basil McCrea.
The airwaves and the print press are not an appropriate forum for genuine discussion and engagement that might expose my weaknesses of failings or the party’s total lack of membership and direction. I have made my position clear on this (if on almost nothing else). I do want to hear the views of party members but only when I am available and no-one can record the fact that they disagree with me.
In an effort to ensure that this Party’s position on any issue is appropriately handled, and to encourage a unified, cohesive group, I would insist that all media appearances and contributions are cleared in advance through the central press office. This will be open to receive such requests between the hours of 1037pm and 1040pm on alternative Thursdays and is easily accessible in the public convenience in Kesh (second cubicle along).
Statements on constituency issues are, as ever, at the discretion of each individual as they don’t matter anyway (unless they relate to Fermanagh where two thirds of the membership now live)
However, when it comes to Party and policy matters, it is my explicit will that all engagement with press receives official approval. Failure to do so will result in disciplinary action if we can find the rule book or ever catch anybody or do anything about it without exposing even more my weakness.
I hope that you will agree that our energies must be focused on building this Party from the inside of the telephone kiosk currently being used as party HQs, and comply accordingly. Or else. Honest. I am serious about this. I really am
Ends.
Cynic
I am fast becoming your biggest fan! I Ieave it to others to decide if that is width or volume.
Well done!
Cynic’
Another brilliant piece. I have hurt myself reading your superb satire. The only trouble is that if your identity is ever discovered the Disciplinary Committee is too busy handing out Asbos to bar room brawlers.The first hearing will take place when the Great Leader comes back down to earth from the Moon.
Brilliant Cynic.
You may be talking satire, but your words are far, far closer to the truth than Tom’s were…
“The airwaves and the print press are not an appropriate forum for genuine discussion and engagement that might expose my weaknesses of failings or the party’s total lack of membership and direction.”
… and that’s exactly what Tom means when he’s trying to shut down criticism of him and the Cabal who put him in the leadership
- and the fact that the Cabal and their bussed-in leader (who’s support was concentrated mostly in Fermanagh) have no plan for leadership, no plan to lead Unionism in a positive direction and no idea at all of how to reach out to minority communities (nationalists, the LGB community) – let alone make the UUP relevant to modern Northern Ireland voters.
The Pro-Union Electorate will have their say next May on the UUP’s shameful retreat to archaic, anachronistic 1950s beliefs that are totally out of tune with modern pro-Union Northern Ireland.
Making any statements must not be done in any way which might lead to me being asked a question or having to have a policy on any given issue
At risk of the threat of physical violence by Tom’s bully-boy supporters on the Executive?
By the way, such is the drive toward modernity, resurgence and reinvention that poor Tom has only issued this threat in relation to ” the airwaves and the print press”. Blogging hasn’t reached Fermanagh yet so whatever we say on Slugger is guilt free!!!
Joseph Addison 12 October 2010 at 11:56 pm
Cynic’ ‘Another brilliant piece. I have hurt myself reading your superb satire.’
I second Joseph and propose Cynic for an honours award for his superb satire. Joseph, the supporter of the team Captain from the Dungannon area should have joined the boxing team at the Commonwealth Games instead of attending UUP meetings. He may have added another medal to the list of Gold & Silver gongs we expect to be returning to Ulster shortly.
Thank you for your very kind comments. I hope you get well soon but better that your hurt yourself at that than being ‘rugby tackled’ for speaking out at a UUP Executive Meeting
Is there anything in the Party rules on beating up fellow members?
The most hypocritical thing in the Great Leader’s bulls on Party Discipline is the two totally different reports given of his meeting with the Prime Minister. Obviously The Great Leader went into this meeting totally unprepared, as the Cabal had not informed him of the previous meetings with the Conservatives. So when it was agreed that UCUNF( a name invented by Tommy Trucker and put through in an attempt to emphasis the fact that the UUP was the senior partner in this pact) was a dead duck and that in a Churchillian gesture the Prime Minister suggested a full merger i.e. the UUP into The Conservative Party. The great leader could just possibly have been a tad righteously indignant at this revelation and totally thrown of balance by his ignorance of the previous history.
So much so that he rang the new official UK Newspaper and spilt the beans to The Impartial Reporter.
Meanwhile Soupman had a UUP press statement put out on the 28/09/2010. This bulletin never mentions Merger or Take Over offers at all.
This state of confusion just shows that The Cabal cannot even brief its latest recruit The Great Leader let alone any of the other 17 satellite constituencies of this Great Party.
“Soupman” …what a delicious name
Cynic,
Well he has been doing all the UUP’s cooking on behalf of the cabal for the last five years after a long apprenticeship. Claims were made to the Party faithful that he worked for Vanguard in the Ulster Workers Strike when he was nine. Grant you he could be disiplined for having a vivid imagination, he was probably firing on Orange Juice and doling out the red meat at the time. Are you sure it was Ulsterbus and not Donkey Transport that The Great Leader owes his immense victory to.