US Presidential Election: “I believe we can acknowledge the real truth here.”

In The Onion’s version of an op-ed, the Republican candidate for vice-president, Paul Ryan, has a message for Democratic Party attack dogs everywhere – “if we’re able to put aside the talking points for a few minutes and say what we’re all actually thinking and feeling”.

I’m young, I’m handsome, I’m smart, and I’m articulate. And that scares the ever-loving shit out of you. You can pretend like you have this thing in the bag, but you know good goddamn well that this race just got real interesting, real fast.

It’s okay to admit it. You’re frightened to death of me. It might actually be healthy for you to face your fears now rather than later, when Mitt and I are leading by a few points in the polls and it looks like this thing might end badly for you. Face it: I’m not some catastrophe waiting to happen, like a Sarah Palin or a Dan Quayle. On the contrary, you have the exact opposite fear. I’m a solid, competent, some might say exceptional, politician.

Heh.  Do read the whole thing.

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  • I think you’ve been had Pete, it’s called satire.

  • Ruarai

    Very good.

    Similarly, as Maureen Dowd put it today:

    “He’s the cutest package that cruelty ever came in. He has a winning air of sad cheerfulness. He’s affable, clean cut and really cut, with the Irish altar-boy widow’s peak and droopy, winsome blue eyes and unashamed sentimentality.

    Who better to rain misery upon the heads of millions of Americans?”

    The reality though, in my view, is that this pick reveals anything but a sign of confidence. Radical picks represent radical challenges. And Ryan is “tanking in the polls”

  • Greenflag

    On second thoughts this VP pick might just be a male Palin . But he may be more of Bertie Ahern who never put a foot wrong in his long climb to power but when at last he got to the top of the greasy pole we discovered that like John McCain the ‘economy’ and ‘fiscal matters’ were not his strong point 🙁

    Mind you he was’nt alone in the Dail or Congress or Westminster of whom that could be said 🙁

  • New Yorker

    The mistake Romney made with Ryan is greater than the one McCain made with Palin. The millstone of the Ryan budget around Romney’s neck is deadly heavy and no matter how he tries he will not be able to shake it. And the millstone is also around the neck of every Republican running for office. McCain’s mistake mostly reflected on him, Romney’s mistake puts the heavy burden not just on him but all his fellow Republicans.

  • Mister_Joe

    Pete’s been had? You think he doesn’t know what The Onion is all about? I’m disappointed that The Onion didn’t add “modesty” to their spoof.

  • wild turkey

    elsewhere in the news

    “Displaying the tough no-nonsense talk and firm commitment to conservative principles that led to his selection as the Republican vice presidential candidate, Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) has taken to the campaign trail and begun viciously attacking the record of running mate and former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney.

    Within hours of joining the GOP ticket Saturday, Ryan went on the offensive against the GOP candidate, and he has continued to cast him as a “pro-abortion crusader” and “shameless political chameleon” in stump speeches throughout Wisconsin, Iowa, and Colorado. At town hall meetings and fundraising events, Ryan has repeatedly referred to Romney’s governorship as “disastrous,” even going so far as to warn voters that the Republican candidate was an unreliable and dangerous choice for president.

    “Mitt Romney doesn’t want you to know the disturbing truth about his record as governor,” Ryan said at the Iowa State Fair yesterday, immediately displaying the sort of passionate conservatism that led to his selection by the Romney campaign. “But the facts are clear. Gov. Romney embraced the legalization of same-sex marriage, he imposed anti-business carbon-emission limits, and he championed efforts to limit Second Amendment rights. This isn’t the record of strong family values and small government ideals that our country needs to get back on the road to prosperity—this is a record of ruin.”,29179/

  • Ryan does ‘Iowa nice’ – and gets slapped!

    Attention, Congressman Ryan: I am one of the women you said must not be from Iowa or Wisconsin because we did not sit back quietly, respectfully, and smile and say nothing while you lied to us during your first solo stump speech as a vice-presidential candidate at the Iowa State Fair earlier this week. Actually, I am from Iowa. I grew up here. ..

    So you understand, Congressman Ryan, and Governor Romney, that when I hear you tell a crowd that you want to “help the middle class to prosper,” by cutting off the lifelines these young people need to survive – food stamps, Medicaid, public education and, yes, drug treatment, it makes my blood boil. It sends that Iowa nice thing right out the window.

  • Meanwhile Asawin Suebsaeng (crazee name! crazee guy! © Glenda Slagg) at Mother Jones reckons: Paul Ryan: Frattiest Veep Candidate Ever.

    He also introduced me to the term FaF, complete with that hot-link. I doubt I’m the better for this addition to my vocabulary.

    Also at Mother Jones, a photo-essay on Hard Times in Paul Ryan’s Hometown, with the strap-line:

    GM once guaranteed the people of Janesville, Wisc., a good wage for a hard job. Is the city becoming a symbol of the new austerity that leaves the poor behind?

    Now that really does seem to bring us nearer home.

  • Greenflag

    Nice one Malcolm . Ryan as Bowhunter in chief . Not quite a Robin Hood more of a Robbing Hood – Stealing from the poor to give to the rich . Tuck Friar would disapprove but hey the Sheriff of Nottingham would invite him as a true soul mate for the pillaging and looting of the peasantry annual extortion by poll tax etc !

  • Comrade Stalin

    I am sure this is old news to many of you, but I recently found a handy website which summarizes statistics about the Presidential Debt accumulated by each President every year since 1976.

    The statistics show what most of us already know, which is that deficit spending tends to reduce under Democrats (including Obama) and increase under Republicans, particularly Reagan and Bush II. Apart from 1981, every single year there was a Republican in the White House since 1980 the USA debt as a percentage of GDP grew.

    This is worth bearing in mind given the GOP’s recently discovered deficit fetish.

  • Brian

    Paul Ryan, the Ayn Rand fanatic who inherited millions and never worked a day in the private sector in his entire adult life.

    Only in America….

  • Greenflag

    Now here’s a political spat which has lain dormant for a couple of years but has suddenly gone viral . The star is our own Micheal Higgins -now Irish President as he rips apart the Boston Tea Party Radio jock and Rush Limbaugh buddy one Michael Graham who could’nt get a word in and found himself being categorised as a ‘wanker’ This is an unrelenting 4 minute put down that sent the right wing nut job back to the States with his ears reddened .

  • Greenflag

    I guess Graham should’nt have accused Micheal D of being anti semitic . I must admit I had’nt heard of one Mort Klein another gobshite btw getting 45 Congressmen to send a letter to Obama asking him to take back former President Mary Robinson’s Medal of Honour awarded by the USA Congress.

  • Greenflag

    Now up to 1,200,000 hits and on Huffington post .

    New political joke

    Question :

    ‘What’s the difference between Boston Tea Party Radio Host Michael Graham and a roll of toilet tissue in the President of Ireland’s bathroom ?

    Answer :

    None . The President wipes his arse with both ! 😉

  • Greenflag @ 12:05 pm:

    The “highlights” on Youtube are an edit of the full version.

    As in Monty Python #29, “Is this the five-minute argument or the full half-hour?”

    Whether you go for the digest or the real meal, Michael D annihilates and steamrollers Graham.

    A year back “The Yank”, writing for IrishCentral, saw this episode as further justification that:

    Higgins, who lived and worked in America 40 years ago, is the most anti-American president Ireland has ever had.

    As an American living in Ireland it has been clear to me that since the early 1980s Higgins has been among the most outspoken opponents of American policy in Ireland. He’s been at the forefront of organized protests and rallies directed at America for 30 years.

    [Since I’m fresh out of hot links, that’s—irelands-most-anti-american-president-132787713.html#ixzz24Vi8mu9O%5D.

  • Greenflag

    Thanks Malcolm for the links . I knew of the full version but had no time to listen thus the preference for the Pythonesque 5 minuter .

    As for the Yank link its no secret that Higgins has been a consistent opponent of the ‘American ‘wars going back to probably Vietnam times but to deduce as the ‘Yank ‘ has done from the above that he’s anti American is bilge -hack journalism of the kind that the Sun glories in 🙁

    Am I anti British because I oppose the Tories in the UK or the Unionists in NI . Was Bishop Tutu anti South African because he opposed the Apartheid regime ? Am I anti Irish because I oppose the RC Church ? Am I anti Anti American because I oppose the Wall St masters of disaster ?

    I rarely read irishcentral mainly because of it’s oft woeful misinformation and poor reporting and it’s predeliction for inaccuracies . Just as well it’s on the web as if it were in paper format of the more absorbent kind I’d be tempted to use it in the manner to which Michael D Higgins applies the above mentioned tissue/Michael Graham in his privy 😉