Rerun of anti sport blog

I see England lost at the football. For some unionists this creates all sorts of issues about supporting or not supporting England. I have no such worries: I do not support England for much the same reason as I do not support anyone else; a complete disinterest in sport (well I quite like cricket a bit but that is all). Alan in Belfast has complained about the excess sport on Slugger and as such I will repeat my anti sport blog: here goes.

This is not really an anti sport blog but I could think of nothing else to call it. It is a confessional but I wonder how many other blogger types out there are the same as me (and will admit it).I am 36, 5’7” and weigh 9st 10lbs (now two years later I am 38 but the rest of it has not changed). As such I am not really cut out to be a sportsman. However, I grew a great deal aged about 16. Hence, whilst in the junior years at school, I was extremely weedy, it is difficult to over emphasise my weediness; I also have asthma; yes I was (and am) a totally weedy nerd. (NB some have suggested I am not a nerd but a dweeb or dork: I wear all such badges with honour and pride).

This is the problem with sport. I do not have a fundamental problem with it but cannot really get that excited about it. If it is on I will watch it; but I would never buy Sky to watch it and will not stop the kids watching Cbeebies to ensure I can see it.

You see I remember being the last one chosen when picking teams at school. I remember the cry “You can have those two” and such like. In rugby I realised very early on that it was the only place in school where serious injury was likely (let’s be honest I was ill equipped to pick fights, our school was very hard on stopping bullying and beating me up was hardly going to prove anything was it?). However, rugby was different: huge farmer’s sons usually my friends became terrifying slobbering monsters charging at me much faster than I could run away. As such there was a simple solution: throw the ball to anyone, whatever team they were on was utterly irrelevant, teams were of no concern; this was a matter of survival.

Of course when one became interested in girls (yes even nerds do) this was hopeless. After all which teenage girls fancied boys smaller than them, who were utterly unsporting (oh yes I had spots, teeth braces and glasses as well, honestly I did).

So what was the solution; a man called JRR Tolkien created it. This most enlightened gentleman created a complete world with small weedy things as heroes (Hobbits). Other lanky things called elves were also very heroic as were short fat things called dwarves. Bad things, which were large and scary, also existed but they kept losing to the cleverness of the assorted weedy things. There were even beautiful female elves etc. who seemed to fancy the weedy things. It was perfect. This allowed the nerds to exist in a complete parallel universe. Yes they had the contempt of proper boys and the bemusement of girls but it did not matter; we were safe.
Now most nerds grew up and became proper adults. Some did not and became bloggers. Right I have admitted it and feel much the better for it. Any other closet nerds out there?

This author has not written a biography and will not be writing one.

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