“this will teach ye, ye cheating French bastards”

Via NewsFromIreland (currently offline):

A drunken unemployed plasterer who was found urinating on the French loaves section of a large supermarket in protest at the infamous handball incident in the France vs Ireland World Cup qualifier, was this week given a suspended sentence, fined and bound over to keep the peace.

Frances “Smokie” Larkin, The Meadows, Killareagh, Co Roscommon pleaded guilty to the incident at Maher’s ValueStore supermarket, Killareagh, one week after the match which Ireland controversially drew after the French goal was deemed to have scored despite a blatant handball by French striker Thierry Henry.

Staff found the 46-year-old urinating on the Cuisine de France section of the bread shelves in Maher’s, shouting “this will teach ye, ye cheating French bastards,” before he was taken away by local gardai.

Adds: There is a reasonably high chance this story may be completely untrue.

Gardai Anthony Flanagan told the court that he had been called to the store at 11.15 on the morning of November 25.

“When I reached the shop, I was informed that Mr Larkin was causing a disturbance in the bread section and when I got there, he was urinating on the French bread section and stamping on a loaf. I later ascertained that the loaves were brioches, a sort of French bread.

“When he saw me, he tried to run away but I apprehended him and grabbed him by the arm. He said ‘that’s for Thierry Henry, guard. If you have any pride in your country, you’ll let me go.

“Then he said ‘that’ll teach them, the cheating French bastards.?

  • Paul Doran

    Yes This is a serious blog

  • Rory Carr

    I’ve often heard it said that the French will go to any lengths to obtain their daily ration of good brioche but I never knew of any that were so desperate as to travel to Roscommon to fulfill that need.

    With the staff of life in one hand he baptised the Staff of Life that lay before him.

  • Halfer

    a blow for justice…

  • What can one say?

    Is it a million welcomes that await Mr Henri or perhaps serial diarrhea.

  • Drumlins Rock

    Paul, if you take slugger serious you need help man!

    Ironically so far as I know there is nothing French about Cuisine De France, most of it made in Lurgan I believe.

  • Nordie Northsider

    At least he restricted himself to a pi-pi. We could have had a Roscommon take on the traditional pain au chocolat.

  • Paddy Matthews

    I don’t want to rain (so to speak) on anyone’s parade, but I’ve never heard of any place called Killareagh in County Roscommon, and the only references I can come across to a Justice Fergus O’Halloran are in reference to this particular tall tale.

    It would of course be highly amusing if it were true.

  • still, that was fairly civilized. where I come from, he would have said “this will learn ye”

  • CW

    I’m surprised nobody’s said something along the lines of “I’ve heard of being robbed in a football match, but this is just taking the piss”.

    Thnakfully no-one rose to the bait.

  • JaneJeffers

    “how the frinch stole christmas”

  • Tochais Síoraí

    You could have just swapped a couple of words around from your previous entry, Mark, as in Casting Water upon the Bread.

    Anyway, no such place in Ros. Good story but poor plant. And Typos too. Bloody Amateurs.

  • Banjaxed

    I believe copy-cat attacks have already happened in Tescos, Knocknagoney and Sainsburys, Andytown where the orange lollipop and green pepper sections have been closed by public health officials 😉

  • Kathy C

    posted by Kathleen Collins

    it gives new meaning to the French meaning of

    oui oui

  • Hibernicle

    This story is as dodgy as bejasus.

  • Mark McGregor

    Sure it was funny anyhow even if it is a spoof.

  • A case of wishful thinking perhaps. On a slow news day let your imagination take you where it will. Rosscommon, french loaves, urine….

  • Dazzler

    Smokie = legend

  • Jimmy_Sands

    “I’m surprised nobody’s said something along the lines of “I’ve heard of being robbed in a football match, but this is just taking the piss”.

    Thnakfully no-one rose to the bait. ”

    I think “casting water upon the bread” as a headline would have had a nice symmetry to it.

  • Mark McGregor

    Very good Jimmy, wonder if it would be bad form to amend. I’m going to have to add a health warning anyhow.

  • joeCanuck

    Piss poor reporting.

  • Panic, these ones like it up em.

    Was the pisser not just adding some regular ingredients that had been ommmited at home base.

  • iluvni

    ‘Smokie’ should have said he also had problems with a weak blatter.

  • John K Lund / Lllamedos / Suchard

    Well they pee onto Camembert to mature it as well as putting their baguettes on the backs of their bicycles and spray them with all trhe cow’s urine and shit off the country lanes and tread the grapes with their stinking feet so he is following their traditions with great gusto.

  • I hope it’s true but I doubt it. The pisser was caught by staff “watering” the French bread. When the Garda arrived, he was still “watering”? Now based on the average Garda response time (i.e. not very fast) either the pisser has a very big bladder or someone is taking the piss. I fear the latter.

  • ‘Smokie’ should have said he also had problems with a weak blatter.

    Posted by iluvni on Jan 28, 2010 @ 10:09 PM

    Good one, iluvni. They don’t get much weaker than that.

  • English Republic

    “If you have any pride in your country, you’ll let me go.”

    Would that be “Irish Pride” then?