Donegal to become seventh county

Newton shines his light brilliantly with a new classic..

  • Skintown Lad

    Long live the Portadown Unionist Party!

    I was at a TV thing in Sligo and unfortunately got chatting to a 20 year-old DUP fella wearing an ill-fitting suit and inexplicably brandishing a briefcase. He was of the serious opinion that he was in occupied territory, like he was still fighting the war of independence or something.

  • Drumlins Rock

    Makes me all nostalgic for the good old days of the Portadown News, nice one Newt, just plausable enough to make you think about it, but if anyone is dumb enough to take it serious (as someone will!) they will look a right tit.

    Just one thing check the deeds before the transfer happens, that lot down there could slip us Leitrim instead…

  • Brit

    His logic is frankly unassailable ;o)

    My kind of Unionist.

  • Drumlins Rock

    Skinlad, never talk to guys under 40 who carry briefcases, you should have known that, you do know BTW the South welched on their deal at the tiem of the boundary commission, like I cant how swapping East Donegal for South Armagh would have been that difficult.

    ps. talking of briefcases, I once heard that a certain Mr. Emerson used to bring one to school when he was a wee lad back in Portadown.

  • Brit

    As the Inbetweeners has it “Briefcase w@nker”

  • Skintown Lad

    I did worry at the time, Drumlins, at what might be contained in that briefcase as I saw him clutch it self-consciously with his podgy digits. I entertained the idea for a mad second that it might contain a blue-print for an stronger, inclusive Northern Ireland that could realistically reach a peace with itself within the UK. I settled on a box of chupa-chup lollies, a pack of “Greatest Orange Leaders” top trumps cards and a list of swings in the greater Ballyclare area to be tied up on Sundays.

  • Mack

    Drumlin’s Rock –

    you do know BTW the South welched on their deal at the tiem of the boundary commission, like I cant how swapping East Donegal for South Armagh would have been that difficult.

    John Taylor came up with this, how it would have been nice for Northern Ireland etc.

    But, the boundary commission was a stitch up, the south didn’t welch on any such deal as no such deal was struck.

    The nationalist interpretation of Article 12 was that the Commission should redraw the border according to local nationalist or unionist majorities at the finely granular District Electoral Division (DED) level. Since the 1920 local elections in Ireland had resulted in outright nationalist majorities in County Fermanagh, County Tyrone, the City of Derry and in many District Electoral Divisions of County Armagh and County Londonderry (all north and east of the “interim” border), this might well have left Northern Ireland unviable. Unionists were content to leave the border unchanged. Although Justice Feetham might have used the Parliamentary Constituency boundaries, he evidently decided to maintain the status quo. His casting vote meant that the border created in the Government of Ireland Act 1920 was to remain largely unchanged.

  • The Joker

    Even fascists, it seems, have a sesne of humour. Donegal was supposed to be part of the original fascist state. The carsion and Craig fascists thought it was a bridge to far and so Donegal escaped most but not all of the sectarian assassinations by the SAS/UFF.

  • Skintown Lad

    Can someone more astute please let me know whether the “joker” is deliberately being ironic – I (genuinely) can’t tell!

  • Drumlins Rock

    I’m guessing “the joker” is another 20 yr old but this time one who wears an arran sweater drinks Guinness (but hates it) and greets everyone in the only Irish phrase he knows.

    ps. knew the old boundary commission would stir things up lol.

  • borderline

    A funny article from a funny intelligent writer, the funniest in Ireland today by a long shot.

  • Drumlins Rock

    if anyone is wondering what the boundary commission was read up the wiki pages
    have saw some wee sketch maps before, great fun for playing “whatifry” but NOT for serious discussion today, interestingly it seems it has never been properly released, surely it must come out eventually.

  • Greenflag

    Hilarious ๐Ÿ™‚

    A fair repartition would of course reduce the border by much more than 80 miles -probably to something like half the present border ;). I urge the bould Newt to give this option his undivided humourous attention .

    Just one small question for Newt . Where will NI get the 70 billion to pay up ? Mr Brown is ahem unlikely to approve in present somewhat straitened circumstances ?

  • Batman

    Lighten up Joker! Newt is excellent. look forward to Saturdays Irishnews to hear what he has to say. His attacks on the various quangos and employment practices of govt depts are priceless. One of the few sources of such valuable information we get from a largley useless local press

  • Pancho’s Horse

    And some of you posters find this amusing? It is puerile shite like the most of his stuff. But I suppose it makes a difference from X factor and Corrie and the footie.

  • Prionsa Eoghann


    I get yir point, but there is a political logic behind the mirth thus not quite at the level you put it. The myth perpetuation at the end regarding Cork is highly offensive because as we all ken well, the Prods didn’t melt away but were all put in concentration camps. The Brits kindly donated them, leftovers from the Boer war.

    Skintown Lad

    I bet there was an ‘Orange temptress’ calender in that briefcase also, heads immodestly uncovered and at least two buttons undone on the frilly blouse.

  • borderline

    Well Pancho’s as a poster who does find Emerson’s stuff consistently hilarious, I’m sorry you regard it as puerile shite.

    No doubt, you’ll speedily point me in the direction of some really funny writing.

  • Pancho’s Horse

    I’m afraid Prionsa, you’re wrong about the camps. Those were for the anti-Treaty boyos. The non-Catholics were eaten to a man. It’s very easy for the likes of Emerson to hurl from the ditch but not so easy to commit himself to anything.Another citizen of the world that knows the price of everything etc. People have given their lives -rightly or wrongly – for what he sneers at from his observer’s ivory tower All for a cheap laugh.

  • Pancho’s Horse

    Borderline, we all laugh at stupid stuff but to find this year 11 stuff hilarious .? Did you actually laugh out loud? Biting political satire …… not.

  • Batman

    I don’t find him outrageously funny either Panch but he does show up some of the farce we face here especially with regard to wastage. I do think he thinks he’s very funny tho

  • igor

    Brilliant piece by Newt but he missed a couple of key advantages we in Norn Iron could gain from this

    1 NI would further benefit from the acquisition of most of the remaining Orangemen in the Republic

    2 we would also gain a whole new set of parades and traditional routes for SF to challenge. The TV rights for the new annual Battle of Rossknowlagh could bring in a tidy sum and, as it is in the backside of nowhere, no-one else would be hurt or annoyed much

    3 conversely the ROI would get rid of most of its remaining Orangemen

    4 on an annual basis NI might be able to divert some of its strongest orange supporters to the new territory of Donegal thereby giving the rest of us a bit of peace for a few years

    5 at a stroke this purchase would enable Stormont to meet its commitment to Irish Language development and participation for at least the next 10 years, meaning that we don’t have to spend more money on those ersatz Irish language nutters in West Belfast.

    6 there could also be significant savings in the schools budgets as, in line with the education Ministers new policy on wider catchment areas and school groupings, parents in Belfast and Newry seeking Irish medium education could send their children to real Irish schools in the Gaeltacht. It would be a bit of a commute but wouldn’t it be worth it and it would keep the wee buggers of the streets in the evenings?

  • Civil Service waster

    previous piece was better

    On the waste of money that constitutes public sector ‘workers’ on both sides of the border

  • Has the Newt been looking at the line of the Black Pig’s Dyke ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Dublin voter

    Another excellent piece from Newton. The funniest writer around these parts by a country mile.

    Igor, I’d add that NI gets Daniel O’Donnell as part of the deal. But we keep Shay Given (and the right of any half-decent Donegal soccer players to play for us…)

  • Brit

    “And some of you posters find this amusing?”

    I guess in the glorious non-sectarian United Ireland which you envsiage this sort of Orange “humour” would be banned as anti-irish propaganda alongside their sectarian parades.

    Would the 32 socialist gaelic utopian republic also ban Unirish talent shows and soap operas – especially the imperialist Corrie? I guess the lucky citizens would have a constant broadcast of the greatest speeches of de Valera and Gerry Adams,to look forward to
    , interspersed with “hilarous” gaelic comedies.

  • igor

    โ€œAnd some of you posters find this amusing?โ€

    Yeah, I know. Perverse aren’t we. Politics!!! you either laugh or cry

  • igor

    I prefer Spike Milligan’s explanation of the border in Puckoon.

    After months of debate and no agreement, on the last day they all arrived back after a very liquid lunch and came up with a plan. Both sides held the pen, the chairman shouted go and the both pulled and shoved as the pen traced the new border across the map.

    And so a terrible beauty was born

  • Greenflag


    Iraq’s borders were drawn with a similar amount of forethought post WWI by British adminstrators who however were not reported at the time as being unsober. Did’nt stop them from making a bollocks of it .

  • Border-drawing is a fine art. Only the philistines resort to juvenilia like rivers, seas, mountains or public preference. The real artists aim for unexplainable perversity wherever possible. Look at Slab’s farm, for example – that is truly the work of a master border-crafter. Belleek is another favourite of mine. And abroad there are some superbe examples (as one would expect from more civilised peoples). The story of the Belgian-Dutch border is worthy of a border-rembrandt, complete with salients and exclaves. The Franco-Spanish border was, on the other hand, carried with napoleonic perfection (before Boney’s time, though).

    Ireland’s little effort would win a minor prize, but lacks the sheer perversity of a master craftsman. I mean … not a single enclave or exclave? Even where they came close (Fermanagh-Cavan) they flunked the full blossoming of their art.

  • Rory Carr

    Come on, Greenflag, Newt is having some fun poking his tongue out at some arguments for unity directed at unionists by republicans and it is a very nicely judged little piece indeed, but he is not serious.

    Do please tell us that we don’t once again have to revert to John McEnroe mode as you bring up that old repartition canard once again.

  • borderline

    “I guess the lucky citizens would have a constant broadcast of the greatest speeches of de Valera and Gerry Adams,to look forward to
    , interspersed with โ€œhilarousโ€ gaelic comedies. ”

    And you guess that, Brit, because you are an ignorant, prejudiced, English bigot, who was only ever in Ireland once in your life for a weekend.

  • Greenflag

    Rory Carr –

    I was michaeling as in the taking of ๐Ÿ˜‰ The Great Lizard of Castle Emerson has been seen in Paris according to this report and may even be ‘hydrated ‘ from what I read .

    RTE update .

    ‘Just came back from Place de Clichy, where the traffic has completely come to a logjam ( is that a cliche?) as the Irish fans hydrate themselves before the match. Some are already as hydrated as ‘newts.’

    The local shops are running low on beer and the atmosphere is pretty buzzing. I hope they pace themselves….”

    I did’nt realise it was an international beer drinking contest ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I will of course refrain from the use of the ‘evil’ R word henceforth until tomorrow at least , but I still think the Great Lizard hisself could have even more fun going for the whole hog instead of just a leg at a time ๐Ÿ˜‰

    And I think there’s a lot to be said for John McEnroe’s attitude . I did’nt like that German referee on Saturday either . Too French to be wholesome according to the supporters

  • Itwas SammyMcNally whatdoneit


    commiserations – a bad day for the repartitionist cause with such a deliberate attempt to hold up the legitimate debate on repartition to ridicule – a debate which you have sinlge handedly tried to resurrect since the border commsission consigned the subject to its bed all those years ago.

    …but on the positive side a bit of light re-partioning took place the other day and you wont be supirsed to hear the Englezes are holding on to a piece – just for luck – now where have we seen that before?

  • Brian Walker

    A relative of mine now deceased was a gal in the 20s when the hinterland was cut off. One day in the 70s as we drove through the Barnesmore Gap she sighed and said something which could not be said by anyone alive today: ” Oh dear, what a pity we ever gave it away.”

    Please donh’t be too rude; she was rightly much loved and a woman of her time. The quote is a historical curio.

  • Itwas SammyMcNally whatdoneit


    I wonder if there is any historical material on the social and economic impact of partition on both sides of the border in the Donegal/Tyrone/Derry area?

  • Rory Carr

    Speaking of the France-Ireland match, Greenflag, you could well spare a moment of commiseration for my terrible plight. You see I dare not watch the match in a pub in the company of fellow Irishmen who would quite naturally be fanatical supporters of the Boys in Green. The reason: As a fanatical Arsenal supporter, every time I see Thierry Henri going forward with a ball I just naturally start to cheer. Even though Henry has now gone on to Barca = I just can’t help it, it happens by reflex. A couple of years ago I almost got lynched in a pub when England played France and Henry scored a cracker and I was was whooping and hollering until I noticed the deathly silence silence and the hostile stares of practically everyone else in the pub. I got me coat and left…before old Rory was repartitioned.

  • Dave

    It’s funny, but folks in Donegal wouldn’t be laughing if the UK made an offer to take all debts off NAMA in exchange for Donegal and it was put to the Irish people in referendum. They would sell it just as they sold their country to the EU in exchange for the unspoken promise of ECB financial support for the Irish banks and, by extension, their own interests. They are far more post-nationalist than folks realise, careing nothing for the redundant national interest and acting only as self-serving individuals and social groups with vested interests.

  • al

    Just the way everyone should Dave

  • Itwas SammyMcNally whatdoneit


    that is the cross we Irish have to bear, we see a team before us in green unable to play the beautiful (if somewhat ladyboyish) game beautifully and yet through loyalty we have to support them over those who do play it beautifully and even so when we dont support the Arse or any of the other overseas teams but might subscribe to the priniciple of may the best/most attractive team win.

  • borderline

    An understandable quote Brian.

    One generation should be slow to criticize another one.

    One thing I love about Donegal is, unlike virtually all the other 25 counties, the young folk have kept their own (soft Ulster) accent.

    Listening to young wans from Dundalk to Limerick, it’s hard to discern a difference.

    Also the overuse of the adjective ‘wild’.

    Such as…

    “Ach don’t worry about the wee doggie. He’s wild tame.”

  • Dave

    “Just the way everyone should Dave” – al

    Fine, since we are individuals, there is no need to act as a collective. Therefore, I don’t have to pay tax in order to serve the needs of others who are unable to serve their own needs. Do you think the state will let me argue that we’re all individuals acting to serve our own interests od do you think they’ll point out that we’re a collective acting according to a national interest and that my refusal to act as part of that collective in the manner of contributing to its welfare by means of taxation will be punishable by a spell in Mountjoy?

  • Joe

    Giving Donegal to NI would be like throwing a virgin into a volcano.

  • igor

    Why should we stop at Donegal?

    How much for the lot? what is the current Net Value of Ireland?

  • Greenflag

    rory ,

    ‘every time I see Thierry Henri going forward with a ball I just naturally start to cheer.’

    While I’ll share your commisserations on that near death experience ; my thoughts on Thierry Henri are at this present time are inexpressible ) The words Sharia law , Henri’s limbs, Madame Guillotine and several others are all jumbled up and I hesitate to form a sentence with them for fear of being branded politically incorrect or even a racist ๐Ÿ˜‰

    The Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaastard ๐Ÿ˜‰

    We will rise again !

  • RepublicanStones

    ‘NI would further benefit from the acquisition of most of the remaining Orangemen in the Republic’

    Your honstey is quite entertaining Igor. So NI is an Orange state. Wow, i thought not all unionists identify with orangeism. Nevermind the uncomfortable presence of those pesky nationalists.

  • Pierre

    Britain is broke too Igor;) The only union that matters now is the European Union which all of Ireland is part of:)