Bailouts

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Bailouts demotivator from Despair

  • cynic

    Political Analsyis of the Republican Political Ethos

    All ideologies have some basic political principles that can be easily explained with reference to cows:

    Feudalism

    You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

    Pure Socialism

    You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you all the milk you need.

    Bureaucratic Socialism

    Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.

    Fascism

    You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

    Pure Communism

    You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

    Real World Communism

    You share two cows with your neighbours. You and your neighbours bicker about who has the most “ability” and who has the most “need”. Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.

    Russian Communism

    You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.

    Totalitarianism

    You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

    Pure Democracy

    You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the milk.

    Representative Democracy

    You have two cows. Your neighbours pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

    British Democracy

    You have two cows. You feed them sheep’s brains and they go mad. The government doesn’t do anything.

    European Democracy

    You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

    Pure Anarchy

    You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbours try to take the cows and kill you.

    Pure Capitalism

    You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

    Modern British Capitalism

    You don’t have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don’t have any cows to put up as collateral.

    Environmentalism

    You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.

    Political Correctness

    You are associated with (the concept of “ownership” is a symbol of the phallo centric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently – aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

    Surrealism

    You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

    Modern Irish Financial Capitalism

    You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank where he plays golf with the manager. He then executes a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back and can claim tax exemption for five cows.

    The milk rights of the six cows are now repackaged and transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by your Finance Director who then sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. Along the way they pass through the hands of several banks which ‘temporarily borrow’ them for a few weeks to improve the appearance of their balance sheets.

    Your company’s annual report now says that you own eight cows, with an option on six more and have made an additional €10m on investments.

    Discuss with reference to Sinn Feins current economic policy … if you can find it