Dr. Paisley and hats

Clearly there has been a huge amount of discussion surrounding Dr. Paisley’s imminent departure from his post as First Minister. One vitally important matter which has not been adequately discussed here on slugger is Dr. Paisley’s hat. Dr. Paisley’s hat wearing is discussed in detail on The Politics Show website.

I have to admit that despite being a TUVist I am also a fan of his hats. We are not talking about woolly ones here but proper ones with brims and such like. Unfortunately hats are deeply uncool and although we are odd fundamentalists who are not supposed to worry about worldly things; Elenwe has banned my purchase of any hats. I had hoped Dr. Paisley’s hat wearing might rehabilitate them but no it is to no avail. Maybe Peter Robinson will start wearing one; or even Jim Allister himself. Maybe we on slugger could start cross community hat wearing and hence, be able to identify on another in the street. We could even agree to wear different hats dependent on our political views. After rehabilitating the hat my next project will be to rehabilitate the bow tie (another item banned by Elenwe and in its case by Mummy as well). Any supporters? I thought not; I will stick to my rather messy anorak.

  • joeCanuck
  • I have to say that he rather scarily reminds me of that fella out of Poltergeist with that hat on- “God is in his holy temple…”


  • joeCanuck

    Sorry, Darren. Doesn’t count – no hat.

  • wha

    Turgon, as a self proclaimed TUVist, perhaps you would like to explain to the rest of us what that actually entails e.g. do you respect the SF mandate?

  • joeCanuck

    As for the bow tie, Turgon, isn’t that what you do to your boat (with the salmon licence) when you return to your seaport?

  • joeCanuck

    Much better, Darren, and I agree – scary.

  • USA

    Referring to Paisley as a doctor is an insult to those who have worked hard for the honour. Paisleys’ degree was an honorary one from the crackpots down at Rob Jones “university”. These people are Christian Fundamentalist nut jobs who until recently opposed black / white relationships and frowned upon Catholic / Protestant ones.
    They are nut jobs, plain and simple. Paisley is not a doctor.

  • joeCanuck

    From Wiki:

    Recipients of an honorary doctorate do not normally adopt the title of “doctor”. In many countries, including the United Kingdom, Australia, New Zealand, and the United States, it is not usual for an honorary doctor to use the formal title of “doctor”, regardless of the background circumstances for the award.

  • When you lose a head, you lose a hat.

    Turgon, does Elenwe wear one of those dark berets favoured by ladies of the Gospel Hall set – and Mná na hÉireann?

  • hatso

    I like the one elenwe wears with the two holes for her ears to poke up through.Bet she likes to eat your hats huh lololololol.

  • Alan

    I must admit that I am also oppressed by the figures of beauty in the hat department, except in my case there are three of them.

    Despite a pate that would happily grace a monastery, it has taken 20 years of sullen determination in the face of concerted disapproval to wear a flat cap in their presence. I’m working my way up to a fedora – it’s a 12 chap’ programme.

  • scaredlady

    I’m afraid that Turgon’s efforts to show the “human” side of the TUV by talking baby waby talky walky about hatsies and mumsies are nothing but really freaky and scary.
    Ill bet that mumsie has decreed that she is the only one allowed to wear big hatsies and bow tieses in this housey,
    As a vigilant member of society I think that Turgan should be reported to the appropriate autorities forthwith – with love and concern xoxoxoxo

  • Butterknife

    When he was Free P. Mod. he had that russian hat now that he is a double (48 hour / day) time double jobbing MLA & MP he wears that cowboy hat: the irony!
    About time we call for a look into his payments over the years from the public purse. After all, if the HMRC can claim back overpayments in Tax Credits from the working classes then we as a society can claim back money from public representatives!

  • ozy

    Hats yes! Bow-ties no!

    In Turgon’s defence whilst I’d disagree with almost all his views, his is an eloquently and colorfully argued and also much-needed perspective on Slugger.

    More with that hats please…

  • Turgon

    No Elenwe periodically goes to some strange shop in Lisburn and comes back with a hat. When we finally move and end up in a hat wearing church again I suspect these trips may become more common.

    Scaredlady and hatso,
    Since both your remarks are so stunningly witty why the need to use different names from the same IP address? I may not be great at humour but I do try and I am sorry if I do not take myself too seriously. I do, however, love the idea that I am so Machiavellian and devious that I am trying to show the human side of the TUV.

    Thank you

  • hatso

    we are two diff people who have read your posts one male one female.The female is a lawyer who deals mostly with matrimonial she finds you particularly frightening lolol.Silly girl

  • scaredlady

    Dear Turgan – You are frighteningly un self aware and are a prime example of what made this country what it is today.
    PS, Do you play the banjo?

  • cut the bull

    I would love to have one of Paisley’s hats full of pound coins.

    I’d be rich, has anyone seen the size of his head.

  • Turgon, here’s an Easter Bonnet story about two distant relatives of mine, as told by their son:

    “Mammy and Daddy had to go fifteen miles to Cloughmills last Saturday to get Mammy a hat for the service (on Easter Sunday). They left in back on Monday”

  • perci

    those hats makes paisley look like a sinister gangster

  • Comrade Stalin

    I love the way they say Allister is from Kells, Antrim, Ireland. I wonder if Allister made an issue out of this at the time.

  • Oiliféar

    perci, agree, along with the pin stripe suits they gave Paisley (Reverend, not Doctor) a quintessential ’20s Chicago gangster look. I would disagree they it was sinister, though. Far too comic-bookish, but in a way that made you reconsider who he was. Good wardrobe advisor, whoever it was.

    Turgon, don’t let them get you down. Hats are for us men the only piece of distinctive fashion we are allow to display. The anti-hat brigade are out to crush that final enclave of male self-expression. You wear whatever hat you like, whenever you like, however you like – and if your woman doesn’t like it, wear two!

    Would like to re-iterate wha’s question, “Turgon, as a self proclaimed TUVist, perhaps you would like to explain to the rest of us what that actually entails e.g. do you respect the SF mandate?”

  • Turgon

    Thank you for your kind hat remarks.

    In terms of what the TUV is for; I again reiterate that I am not some TUV leader. I have joined but have not yet been to any meetings. My contacts with TUVists consist of now I think three telephone conversations each of a couple of minutes and some emails.

    In terms of SF’s mandate; of course I respect it. I have said before I do not at this time support sharing power with SF. However, I cannot magic SF away.

    If hypothetically I were a TUV MLA, I would refuse to be in a power sharing government with them unless and until they fully committed themselves to solely peaceful means. Examples of things I find unacceptable include MP’s talking about going back to violence, suggesting refusing to give information to the police, running to a terrorist organisation when they murder someone and then telling lies about the victims, still having some link to the IRA. Personally I also have major problems with terrorist godfathers in government.

    All of these mean I would not share power. I do not demand that SF be excluded from power though I agree that the result if there were enough TUVists would be the collapse of power sharing. That would, however, mean that the TUV had a democratic mandate not to be in power sharing. The whole democratic mandate thing cuts both ways. Whilst I cannot tell nationalists whom to vote for, neither can nationalists insist that unionists join them in government.

    In any new political reality, I would then want SF to make further concessions to being a normal political party, the things I have outlined above.

    Then a renegotiation of the agreement to have a new power sharing system with less of the gross overwhelming problems the current one has such as the interlocking vetoes, the d’Hondt system, the excessive parochialness, the lack of real cabinet government, the inability to get rid of the government even after an election, etc.

    Sorry those are quick opinions. I fully intend to do a blog soon about these things but there are some brief off the top of my head ideas.

    Maybe also a legal requirement that all male MLAs have hats and bow ties.

  • 0b101010

    Did Trimble ever sport a Bowler?

  • Garibaldy


    Is it any wonder that Ulster is endangered when its staunchest defenders are dictated to by their women folk? Only a small step from that to being dictated to by London in alliance with Dublin, and Catriona Ruane.

  • Turgon

    Do you think with a hat and bow tie I would be best equipped to defend Ulster?

  • Garibaldy

    Well Turgon at least you would have your pride and self-confidence restored, and your masculinity reasserted. How could the Lundys and the sell-out merchants in London resist the flower of Ulster manhood in such resplendent bloom?

    It’s a bit like the broken window theory. Let the missus tell you what to wear, and before you know it the Pope’s poster adores your children’s bedroom wall.

  • Garibaldy

    adorns even, though I’m sure the Pope’s poster adores any wall it ends up on.

  • Turgon

    I fear that as I have discussed in the “An anti sport blog” I am not really “The flower of Ulster manhood.”

    I am very fond of the sentiments behind Seamus Heaney’s Digging and though in no way comparing myself to the Nobel Laureate; on my lap sits my computer, I will fight for Ulster (as well as hats and bow ties) with it.

  • Garibaldy


    the fact that you feel you are not the flower of Ulster manhood is, I would suggest, a direct consequence of the emasculation suffered by the fatwa on bow ties and hats by the various women in your life. They have robbed you of your manly confidence. Reclaim it.

    Hadn’t seen the poem in years. Heaney not a total fool. So thanks for that.

  • joeCanuck

    Great analogy with that wonderful poem, Turgon.

    You could play dress up when the missus is out.

  • Once more into the bink, dear friends!!

    Heaney is older than me but I get the impression he never handled a spade, either in the field or in the moss.

    And what’s with the ‘snug as a gun’ metaphor? Surely not a frustrated gunman!!

  • snakebrain

    “Hats are deeply uncool”?

    The demise of the hat as everyday male garb is to be mourned, but all is not lost – Topshop do a nice range of tweedy fishermans hats at the min, and the flat cap is as trendy as it comes. It’ll probably catch on here in about 30 years or so. Personally, you can’t beat a good panama – Locke & co for preference.

    Paisley always did dress well; if you pay attention to such things you’ll notice he owns lots of suits (mostly Magee I’m guessing) and he wears them well. The homburgs and so on help too. Most importantly, he looks like a man who wears suits because that’s what a man wears.

    Junior, unfortunately, however much he spends, looks like…..a suit.