Global Tour of Apology

I have a real soft spot for Boris Johnson, the accident prone member for Henley on Thames. Of course, it has a lot to do with his looks and his similarity to my Old English Sheepdog, but I also think he is a much misunderstood man. He’s in trouble once again this week for these comments: ‘“For 10 years we in the Tory Party have become used to Papua New Guinea-style orgies of cannibalism and chief-killing, and so it is with a happy amazement that we watch as the madness engulfs the Labour Party.”
The High Commissioner of Papua New Guinea was ‘outraged’ by the comments, and feels he ought to visit the country to fully appreciate who they are and how far on from canibalism they have moved. Boris thought that was a good idea, and promised to add Papua New Guinea to his ‘Global Tour of Apology.’ A wry refrenece to his trip to Liverpool after accusing the people of ‘wallowing in grief’ following the death of Ken Bigley.

Mind you , there’s always a danger of throwing the baby out with the bath water in situations like this, and the nugget of truth or good sense in anything Johnson says is clouded by the extraneous coverage of the faux pas. His blog is worth looking at, as he is man who doesnt pull punches, and tells it like he sees it. I tend to agree that the Prime Minister’s slow and agonising farewell tour smacks of an ego inflated to the point of madness, and agree with much of this:

Here we are, with British soldiers being killed almost daily in Iraq and Afghanistan on missions that are growing in scale and horror. We have rises in gun crime, rises in unemployment, rises in interest rates — and these flaming lunatics in Downing Street seriously expect the nation to line the streets with bunting and shower Tony with confetti as he goes on a six-month lap of honour, a “farewell tour” in which he accepts the praises of a smiling people

  • …Would I be wrong to suspect that even the most ardent Communist has a soft spot for Boris Johnson? Regarding the pop-art, an explanation is in order. Update: Miss Fitz, of Slugger O’Toole, also claims a soft spot for Boris. I wonder is it because of, rather than in spite of, his regular gaffes that everyone finds Johnson so lovable…

  • Miss Fitz

    I think I understood your post, and I think you asked me a question?

    The picture is one of Sam, my dog, and Boris puts me in mind of Sam the English Sheepdog……..

    Maybe, I’ll find another picture, one less obtuse

  • Pete Baker

    I think the trackback system malfunctioned, Miss Fitz.

    Kevin was adding to his blog here

  • Miss Fitz

    I’m glad I’m sober.

    Who is Kevin, what is a trackback, and what blog are we talking about?

  • Miss Fitz

    Oh I get it Pete……. Sorry, bit slow today been a busy week

  • Pete Baker

    Kevin blogs at The Disillusioned Lefty blog – click here

    Trackback is a bit technical.. but it tells a blog that you’ve linked to it ;o)

  • Pete Baker

    Where’s everybody gone? ;op

  • mickhall

    disillusioned lefty,

    No you would be wrong as this old lefty has no soft spot for Mr Johnson and one would have to be pretty gullible to think like that or unaware of the facts. There is something really nasty about these Camronite old Etonians. They had what is probably the finest liberal education to be had in England yet cannot help but make these snide and nasty comments in the belief they have every right to make them without consequences.

    A made who betrays his wife, a person the gallant Johnson claims to love above all others will have no problem shitting all over us lesser beings if given the chance.

    I hear Goring used to play the good old boy buffoon, indeed it is said he used this to ingratiate himself with one of his guards to avoid the drop.

    Better to deal with facts like the way Johnson treats his partner or has voted in Parliament than what one sees on a light entertainment TV show.

  • Dogzilla

    Apart from the fact that Mick Hall doesn’t know how to spell ‘Cameron’, there are several other points in his message which demand a good seeing to with a mattock – and I write as an unreconstructed Leninist of the highest order.

    >There is something really nasty about these >Camronite [sic] old Etonians. They had what is >probably the finest liberal education to be had >in England yet cannot help but make these snide >and nasty comments in the belief they have every >right to make them without consequences.’

    ‘Finest liberal education to be had in England’, says who? Every damned comprehensive in the UK has been providing a liberal education for the last 40 years and, over the last two decades, all have adopted a pluralist stance way beyond Eton’s capabilities. However, if we’re debating the term ‘finest’, then nothing surpasses AS Neill’s work at Summerhill.

    >A made [sic] who betrays his wife, a person the >gallant Johnson claims to love above all others >will have no problem shitting all over us lesser >beings if given the chance.

    Mick seems to have entirely missed the point that Boris, according to the latest polls, has acquired some street cred (largely thanks to his panel show appearances).

    The fact is that whenever he opens his mouth he reveals his sheer and utter ignorance. I’m reminded of the old joke about the Phil the Greek.

    Q. Why does the Duke of Edinburgh keep his hands clasped behind his back?

    A. So he can rapidly cover his mouth when he coughs.

  • mickhall


    Three points, if you think Johnson is thick and his nasty comments are mistakes he makes without thinking, you misunderstand this particular beast completely, as indeed he intends.

    Secondly do you know any one who has been educated at Eton, if so have you discussed the matter with them. If not check out that wretched schools curriculum. Indeed I understand why you made this comment because some years ago I too would have made a similar uninformed comment, but a close friendship with someone who went to Eton taught me otherwise. Indeed he told me to understand the arrogance and sheer nastiness of the English ruling class, you should consider that many of them had the benefits of the finest liberal education in the world, i e Eton and oxbridge, yet when they venture into the world and gain any power, whether in the City, Business or politics they behave like barbarians. Of course there are exceptions but you rarely find them in politics. (My pal is anglo-Irish so he does not come into this category)

    We have had long debates on the type of arts based education on offer there, which would make an average comp teachers mouth water.

    The problem you clearly have is as with Johnson, you judge people by what you see in front of you, surface impressions. In my case you felt it was important that I cannot spell. [blame Apple, Cameron is not in my spell checker] It is no secret at slugger that I cannot spell, thankfully most of us here tend to judge people by what they say, rather than by the odd full stop, comma, etc being in the wrong place. To make you feel better and puff out your chest some more, I never learnt my alphabet either and to top it I am dyslexic, although when I went to school this was put down to me being stupid, something you seem to have repeated.

    Look a bit deeper, after all is that not what dialectical materialism is all about and you do say your a Leninist?

    All the best.

  • The Devil

    On a more important note, I have travelled far and wide in my time but I cannot recall ever seeing as ugly a dog as that one in the picture introducing this thread.
    They say dogs look like thier owners.. oh dear fitzy you are in trouble…. err single are we.

  • Harry

    mickhall is probably right about what a shower of nasty bastards these toffs are and also about how conscious and intentional boris johnson is when he makes these apparent ‘faux pas’ (I’ve heard Ian Hislop mention how deliberate Johnson is in the cultivation of his image). However I once saw a programme on TV by johnson looking at Turkey and it’s desire/right to join the EU and I have to say it was one of the most intelligent and open-minded television documentaries I had seen for many’s the long time.

  • smirkyspice

    nasty Devil! 😮

  • Crataegus


    For once we agree Borris on Turkey was truely excellent and said many things that had to be said regarding Turkey’s place in the scheme of things.

    Borris is a clever fellow and not entirely the buffoon he appears. He is a likable sort and at least he makes me smile which is more than can be said for the likes of Tony.


    Meet a fellow dyslexic. You have my sympathies. Primary school was hell but there I soon decided, from the sharp end, that people jumping to conclusions about others was a rather silly thing to do. Primary School was truly character forming. I am probably better qualified than all who taught me, strange world.

  • Rory

    Good topic, Miss Fitz.

    It just seems so curmudgeonly not to have a soft spot for Boris. He’s always a bit of a naughty likeable schoolboy, a cross between Billy Bunter (Cripes! Gee Whiz!) and Hugh Grant (Oh! I do say. Gosh!).

    The latest whiz had Boris “up to his neck in hot water” (geddit?) by innocently referring to a tribe of “Johnny Wa Wa’s” as “cannibals”.

    Well, damnit, a chap might, mightn’t he?

    Well timed whiz though you’ve got to admit. Helps to keep “Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells” on board while his, (currently) slim, fellow Old Etonian whizzes round on his bike (followed by his limousine) and makes sympathetic noises about “poofs” and “wimmin” and “Johny Foreigner” and such.

    Mick Hall has got Boris and all that nasty bunch bang to rights. I have observed them, dealt with them and had to get very serious with one (a scion of a large family armaments company) who was making noises towards a young woman for whom I bore some senior adult responsibility.

    Boris is the beloved bufoon for the Tories at the moment. But make no mistakes – these “bufoons” would have your children fed into fertiliser plants if the rate of profit so demanded.

    They would, of course ,have some coarse, ruffianly fellows carry out the actual task.

    “Gosh! A chap’s really not.. well.. spot of lunch, what? Stringfellows? What do you say to Stringfellows? Not a bad chappie, Peter, really…. whacko gels…”

  • Miss Fitz

    I also have a jack russell, so that makes me short and ugly I guess?

    Well, you’ve answered one question for me……. have wondered for a long time why I am still single 🙂

  • Rory

    Stay single please, Miss Fitz, for if I catch you playing pattyfingers with that Boris fellow, I might, in my righteous anger, misplace my shot and leave you stricken as was lovely Lorna Doone.

    And then would I not be but bereft?

  • Miss Fitz

    I will remain true and unsullied, of that you need not fear

    Thanks for the really interesting comments, and I know what you are saying. I suppose its interesting because I probably react to Mr Johnson’s boyishness, and try to find the seriousness behind it all. More than most, I tend to make horrible mis-statements, and I imagine I felt some sympathy for him, but take on board your points on the true intent behind the bufoon

    What really interested me Mick was your willingness to condemn the man because of his infidelity. As someone who has suffered directly as a result of this kind of behaviour, I would not hold it against him. We are all frail beings, and while I maintain that fidelity is obviously a great ideal, it is not always achievable in life. Sometimes people have a bind that can be transcended despite ‘straying’ and I am loathe to judge a man on this score

  • Harry Flashman

    Try this;

    Paddy Doherty (made up name) went to the Christian Brothers in Derry, now you must know that despite his friendly demeanour his schooling means he’s a vicious bastard, let me tell you those Christian Brothers taught well, they taught how to hate and they backed it up with sadistic violence, so don’t be fooled by your own lying eyes, Paddy Doherty went to a certain type of school, I hate that type of school so therefore everyone who went to that school despite appearances to the contrary is a nasty, violent, hateful person.

    That work for you mickhall?

    Now to the main point, cannibalism and ritual chief killing was up to very recently a factor of life in Papua New Guinea. In the depth of the jungles of that vast nation where the rule of law barely covers the forecourt of the hotels in the capital city these practices in all probability still exist. For nice white liberals to recoil and scream “Wacist!” I simply ask you to accept that I have a small degree of experience of this region and believe me it is not some pre-Lapsian Eden, PNG is unquestionably the most violent and dangerous country outside of the Middle East.

    Currently in the western Indonesian half of the island there is ongoing tribal warfare being conducted openly in the streets as hordes of men from warring clans do battle daily with their opponents using spears and bows and arrows. The Indonesian government have flown in planeloads of paramilitary policemen to get a handle on it (four policemen were killed the other month; beaten and hacked to death in the street in broad daylight). The Indonesian government has appealed to the tribal leaders for them to stop but they have said it is part of their culture and they see no reason why young warriors shouldn’t be allowed to blood themselves.

    In other parts of this vast beautiful archipelago similar practices prevail. During the 1998 upheaval in Kalimantan thousands of people were killed by Dayak headhunters, many of whom ate parts of their victims (mainly Madurese) to give them magical powers. This is not some penny dreadful scare mongering, these things exist and it ill behoves people to howl down others when the facts are pointed out.

  • Rory

    Funny, Harry, but Johnson admitted and accepted on radio yesterday morning that no act of cannibalism has occurred in Papua New Guinea in over two hundred years.

    Was he lying then when he held it up to be a present day practice or is he lying now when he refutes that statement and accepts its untruth?

    One way or the other he sure does seem like a populist liar.

    There have been some instances though of cannibalism within the hallowed safety of the enlightened USA in modern times. Many will be familiar with the history of Ed Gaines who inspired both Psycho and The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. Now old Ed liked to snack on his victims of an evening while watching Sgt. Bilko on TV. In London we had to make do with Denis Nilsen who merely cut up and boiled his victims on his gas stove in his flat in Muswell Hill. Denis tried snacking on parts but alas, was unable to acquire a taste for it so simply flushed the parts down the loo. Obviously he did not share Ed Gaines’s sophisticated American epicurean palate.

    A society which finds itself obliged to imprison by far a greater percentage of its citizenry than any other really isn’t fit to preach to any other society on matters of civilisation. A bit like the Christian Brothers espousing the words of love and gentility of Jesus, the Christ as though they lived by their example.

  • feismother

    Here’s another person not taken in by Boris Johnson and his carefully cultivated buffoon image.

    He makes my flesh creep.

  • mickhall


    You are completely wrong, if you had read what I wrote instead of resorting to your blind prejudices against me due to my politics you would have understood that. I mentioned I have a close Friend who went to Eton, I also said there are exceptions to the Johnson types.

    I did say they are rare in the political field, having said that in my experience nice people are few and far between amongst the political class, no matter if they are left wing, right wing, Provos or whatever. I do not feel it is an accident that most people regard politicians in much the same light as publicans and prostitutes, that is they lack sincerity.

    Miss Fitz,

    You make a very interesting point about infidelity etc. It deserves a proper answer but the motor racing is about to start so I will return to it later [Harry sorry to fail to live up to your image of a lefty 😉

  • Nevin
  • merrie

    Boris is probably right when he says that no cannibalism has occurred in Papua New Guinea for so many years. The fighting Harry Flashman is talking about occurred in the western part of the island, now called Irian Jaya when it became part of Indonesia. It was a former Dutch colony. Unfortunately the people of that colony did not realise what they were getting into by becoming part of Indonesia. They could have chosen independence instead, but didn’t. A lot of the native population are losing land to migrating Indonesians who are a different race from them who are Asian while the native Irians are Pacific Islanders.

    The eastern side of the island is called Papua New Guinea and was a British then an Australian colony and got its independence a few decades ago.

  • merrie

    I’d also add that the situation in Irian Jaya is much more complicated than Harry Flashman says. A native population ignorant of the modern world in a land incredibly rich in natural resources.

    Yet another island split by European colonisation with horrific consequences for its people.

    There are some parallels with the island of Ireland.

  • Though not very many…

  • Harry Flashman


    If you read further you will discover that Johnson apologised in a rather tongue and cheek manner and mentioned a Time book he was reading that specifically mentioned tht cannibalism is still practiced in New Guinea


    I’m perfectly well aware of the geographical situation on the island of New Guinea, as would hacve been obvious if you’d read my post referring to the “Indonesian” western half of the island.

  • darth rumsfeld

    more pictures of the OES please missfitz.

  • Miss Fitz

    This should bring you to the Pets set on my Flickr account, and there are a few of Sam and Charlie on it. Are you a fan?

  • darth rumsfeld

    have two OES myself missfitz- they are certainly Boris-esque in their boundless enthusiasm, and lack of commonsense