I'm a lady, you know…

READ Lady Sylvia Hermon’s rivetting election diary in the Sunday Times. I’ll set the tone: “Day One: Dogs’ haircut today”. No it’s not April 1 and you haven’t clicked on the Sue Denham column – who takes a poke at some election posters (see below) today.

  • peteb

    “Highly amusing”

    heh heh

  • David Vance

    Surreal. Wonder will we get an Airedale update next week – I know I can’t wait! Will the haircuts work out OK? This is cutting edge political coverage..congrats to whoever commissioned this in the Sunday Times and I wish them well during what must be a tricky rehab period.

  • Tom Harding

    Ulster Unionists should be forbidden from reading this toe-curling, Pooterish twaddle: it really does make us want to cry. And not in the good, ‘far away Dougal’ sense either. Who the F*ck lets candidates contribute such tosh to newspapers during an election? It’s so fantastically crapulent that I suspect there must be a McGimpsey involved in our press operation. Oh wait, there is.

    But [engages Hughie Green voice] in all seriousness folks, it’s her ‘who do you think believes you any more?’ question aimed at Gerry Adams that’s going to get us crucified in North Down. Saliva, dearest, some of us never believed him. And the fact that you were so shrill in your denunciations of us (for the terrible crime of disbelieving Gerry and friends at UUC meetings passim) that only Rodders and Miss Kirk, sorry, your poodles could hear you by the end is why enough 2001 UU voters in North Down are going to hand the seat over to the Paisleyites.

    Let’s just run that my own brain again: the DUP are going to win North Down . . . GUBU or what? ‘Well done David’, as I think one of your other friends said some other time of some other piece of leadership. Only you could have pulled it off.

    Oh well, at least Burnside’s purge of Cunningham House is going to be fun.

  • Tom Harding

    Sorry, ‘… by my own brain …’ – I told you it was confounding! “North Down, DUP gain”, who’d have thought?

  • Tom Harding

    Oh, and *good* url. Maybe for your next post on Burnside you should try http://www.sluggerotoole.com/archives/2005/04/im_the_only_UUP_MP_left_in_the_village.php ?

  • Chris Gaskin

    This place is going to the dogs big time if politicans think talking about their dogs will get them elected.

    Amusing but surreal

  • WindsorRocker

    Nearly choked on my cornflakes with laughter at this one. Sylvia dear, the garden centre (or should that be pet parlour) prods have somebody else to vote for!

  • jonty

    heres how North down will shape up on may 5th
    1. Hermon
    2. McCartney (if he runs)
    3/4 Weir / Alderdice

  • Jonty

    mabye someone from the UKUP can advise me on this (if there is someone still in the UKUP) didnt mccartney say that whether he runs or not depends on his constituency association.

    So if he doesnt then does that mean they dont want him to run? if so , why?

  • Indeed

    Hear Gerry Adams pontificating on what the IRA should do, and find myself shouting at the radio: “Who do you think believes you any more?”

    Mrs Hermon, an awful lot of unionists shout that at the radio when the UUP are on……

  • Chris Gaskin

    I bet it boggles her mind when the radio answers back

  • Tom Harding

    Jonty, Jonty, Jonty – every time an anti-Agreement UUP headcase like me suggests dear Dave’s going to lose us seats (you know, like in 2001) I accept, somewhere a fairy dies. So altogether now, if we say it together, we can make it so: “a bigger a majority for Lady S!”

  • beano @ Everything Ulster

    It was hardly what you’d call hardcore political commentary – but is that what her column was supposed to be?

    I don’t know, I just found it quite easy and quite enjoyable to read. At least it’s a bit different from most of the (fighting/bickering/blatant shameless electionerring/blaming other people) that usually accompanies politicians’ columns.

  • jonty

    tom and just who is going to beat sylvia? peter? i dont think so

  • Tiny

    Bloggers are missing the point complaining about her reference to dogs, she is real, not some political machine like many others

  • Davy Sideburns

    Stop it Tiny, you’re killing me!

    BTW – what breed are you?

  • PatMcLarnon

    Has Donaldson decided to fight Trimble in Upper Bann rather than defend his empire in Lagan Valley or is it just another mistake from a ST journo?

  • Keith M

    I think Lady Harmless really needs the time to concentrate on the things that are really important to her like her dog’s haircut and colour matching her umbrellas. Leave the politics to someone like Weir or McCartney.

  • Keith M

    I think Lady Harmless really needs the time to concentrate on the things that are really important to her like her dog’s haircut and colour matching her umbrellas. Leave the politics to someone like Weir or McCartney.

  • yerman

    You really couldnt make it up!!

    From Sylv the master politician – they ladybird guide to politics.

    The deep political insight from her Ladyship really is wonderful. I’m sure the good people of North Down can sleep easy in their beds knowing that Sylvia has been polishing her wellies for the long campaign trail ahead!

    To misquote Syls
    “Thank goodness the tedious, phoney war is over.”

    May 6th – Peter Weir’s election diary, Thank f*ck that tedious phony MP is long gone!

  • IJP

    Anyone got a helicopter to distribute this more widely in North Down?! I think we all should share the knowledge about these dogs…

    Mr McCartney QC (note that QC now) must stand, surely? He’s the only real anti-Agreement Unionist left, is he not?

  • beano @ Everything Ulster

    It’s unimaginable, in fact it’s a disgrace, that someone, especially a politician, could have a life outside politics!

  • Davros

    Come to think of it Beano- I wonder what hobbies our various politicians have ? I know Martin McGuinness is a keen fisherman. Have we any newt-fanciers ?

  • Tiny

    Robinson has the carp

  • IJP

    Depends on how you define ‘politician’ Davros!

    I personally manage to fit an almost unhealthy fascination for soccer (and indeed most other sports), lots of international travel and a bit of astronomy and amateur dramatics around my political activities. Oh yes, and I run my own business.

    Still, doesn’t leave me with much time for shouting at the radio, unfortunately… 🙂

  • davidbrew

    The secret diary of Violet Elizabeth Hermon, aged 54 & 1/2

    Monday
    Oh gosh and gollygumdrops today I went out “canvassing” ( dread word!)in Bangor where I met some members of the lower classes. I had that Burberry arriviste Diana Peacocke with me to translate otherwise I’m sure I wouldn’t have understood a word. Still, it took my mind of the ghastly people in the Post Awfice, who had lost my invitation to the Royal wedding . It really is too much.

    Tuesday
    Went to Helen’s bay this morning. You know, it’s only when you actually get out in the ghetto that you realise how deprived some people in North Down actually are.
    Went to our candidates’ briefing in Comingdown House. All in jolly form, except for Michael, who has worked out that the full moon coincides with the election, so he’ll have to stay in his coffin instead of attending the count. David has told us we’re on course to win ten seats! This is v v encouraging , as Jack says we’ll be lucky to have ANY local councillors.

    Wednesday
    Disaster!! I’ve just seen our canvassing literature. Some idiot has put Union jacks on my posters. This type of Paisleyite bigotry is really too much. I order 100 irish tricolours to distribute to my supporters so they can see the true, progressive face of the party.

    Thursday
    The manifesto launch. We’ve gone for a low key approach, holding it in Michael mcgimpsey’s living room because it’s convenient for most of the candidates. Poor old Basil got his poster lorry stuck in the drive way. Looks like he thought too big! Still it meant that some of those farming types with their frankly agricultural odours couldn’t come in and make us all nauseous. The combination of manure and embalming fluid is too much for a sensitive soul like me ( and that’s just the manifesto).

    To be continued ( unless large amounts of money are paid to…

  • beano @ Everything Ulster

    With intelligent posts like that is it any wonder I have concerns about surrendering my vote to the DUP?

  • yerman

    beano – Its called humour, you heard of it? Or are you actually Michael McGimpsey in disguise?

    Frankly I think its much better than anything Newton Emerson ever comes up with! Now that our own Christopher Stalford is departing from his Newsletter column maybe you fancy having a go at it David….. I’m sure they pay solicitors rates! 😉